March 28, 2008

Quick Note:
(Subtitled:  Ohshit Oh shit Ohhhh shit)

Look, I'll be honest and say I don't go on message boards, so you folks might have figured this out or heard it spoiled forever ago.  I am posting spoilers for next week now and referencing what I wrote below, I have to wonder if Michael is going to end up getting nailed in the hit on Sonny.  Boy will THAT cause some major drama!  If that is the plan, as much as I'd hate to see Dylan Cash exit, it would make for a GREAT story.

Sage is reporting now that Michael will not die, but will be in a coma and when he emerges, the character will be aged and another actor will be used. 

March 25, 2008

Dancing Under a Misty Moon
(A pretty title that has nothing to do with this column)





Rarely has there been a character of such Will Rappaportian proportions of rapid exit desire as I have for Adriana.  Yes, I know many, many OLTL viewers are eagerly biding their time until she leaves, so I am one in a crowd.  If ever a character needed to be assured to be really dead rather than potentially just "soap dead," it's this one.  I'm talking not only merely dead, but really most sincerely dead.  Granted, on AMC you can have your organs doled out to others and still come back to life, but there must be a way.  Perhaps if we cut off her head and stuff her neck hole (which would still be bitching and complaining, I assure you) with garlic and then bury her without the grave dirt from her home lair, maybe, just maybe, she'll stay dead...if we completely salt the gravesite... and plant silver bullets at the four corners of the grave... and force Frank Valentini to stand guard 24/7 with a stake and a mallet. 


Honestly, I don't even know if they are going to kill her off.  That's just wishful thinking.  With my character luck, they will send her off on some Paris trip never to return after she finds out that Shane really is Rex's son. 


As I watched her taking Gigi to task today, demanding this and insisting that, I wanted so much for Gigi to pull out all of the New Jersey stops and get all up ons with Adriana.  The more she pressed her well refined lips together and narrowed her high and mighty little eyes, the more I wanted Gigi to just tell her that you know, it's just absolutely none of Adriana's damned business who she's slept with and then just pop her one right in her perfect little cupid's bow, jangling those perfect, store bought teeth loose from their elite gum base.  How intrusive.  How presumptuous.  How insulting.  I did love how Gigi came back on her about her ego, which really does need its own seat on the plane when Adriana goes off on whatever great beyond Melissa Fumero's exit takes her to.  I think Antonio should haul Adriana off to - where was it? - Buenos Aires or where ever the hell it was where she and El Toro or El Lobo or El Loco whoever he was lived and offer her up to all of those family members of the Santi victims.  Of course, that would end up making them even more victimized, but it solves the immediate problems.


Carol Banks Weber from Soap Zone said in her recent column, "Does Hillary B. Smith realize how hated her character Nora is? Something happened between the time she married a closeted gay psycho and went into a coma after frothing at the mouth at Bo about his other woman. Nobody I know who watches this show regularly likes her at all. They feel about her the same way Lindsay does. And, they see no chemistry between her and Bo, or her and Clint. In fact, I see nothing but aversion from Bo. She should’ve died from that coma."


Amen, sistah.  I feel bad for Smith who had already left the show and was lured back by a promise of a romance and renewed conflict between herself and her favorite gal pal, Catherine Hickland (Lindsay).  Boy, did she get sold a bill of goods!  After keeping her in a coma for months while she was on contract, only to bring her out and make her look like an eternal idiot in unrealistic and obsessive pursuit of revenge on Lindsay.  She's definitely been made to look like a fool.  The money shot came when she was on the floor at the Go Red Ball, rifling through the heart box she'd broken into to find Lindsay's confession... which wasn't what she thought it was.  To me, that was the equal to the drunk who is going through garbage to find a liquor bottle with one last swig still in it.  Nora was done.  Tonguing it up with Clint when she knew for a fact that he was still with Dorian was pretty low as well and I am STILL not sure how Dorian got to be the bad guy in that situation.  If I caught my boyfriend throat licking some other woman with whom he'd previously been found in compromising situations and immediately after that, David Vickers offered some conciliatory lovings, I wouldn't just take him up on it, I'd take him up on it on the boyfriend's bed.  I'm just sayin'.


For certain Lindsay, who is a two-time murderer at best and a crazy psycho killer at worst, comes off as the completely sane and rational one in this exchange.  The more Lindsay wisely tells Nora that she has to move on, the more insane and wild-eyed Nora gets and that just isn't good.  (And I honestly don't care much for Lindsay as a character)  Historically, Clint like's 'em a little crazy, so I guess it works out.





(Not commenting on AMC because of that old adage about how "If you can't say anything nice...")


I love that my staff is hard at their little keyboards, fingers flying and steam rolling, cranking out their, "I really hate Jax, but..." columns, all without knowing the others are doing it.  I loved Jax for about 15 minutes when Lois first found him playing that pinball game.  After that, he just kept sliding down into hell's handbasket.  Granted, his recent sense-making arguments about Michael's behavior have won him a few points with me.  I mean, why doesn't anyone ANYone else want this kid to have any accountability for what he did?  Why are they working so hard to make it easy for him?  Well, I'll tell you why I think that is in just a minute. 


Clearly, Steve Burton has won the match of King of the Hill in some unspoken (at least not spoken that we can hear) torch passing from Maurice Benard.  Whether this is the writers making room for a Maurice Benard exit when his contract expires (oooh!  Start the rumor mills cranking!) or natural attrition or what, I can't fathom.  Either way, Sonny is being made to be even more of an obnoxious, oblivious, overbearing oaf than usual and Jason is coming out to be the Man In Charge. 


To wax Seinfeldian... "Not that there's anything wrong with that..."


With Sonny thinking of backing away from the mob and Jason and Liz going full steam ahead, I have to wonder who it will be who steps up to the plate and runs Port Charles.  No doubt, Ric and Sonny will team up against Trevor.  That was evident today from the scene where Ric meets up with Sonny to tell him about signing the waterfront over to Trevor.  Sonny has told Kate he's not going to let anyone else he loves get hurt (completely assuring that there's some kind of disaster on the horizon).  Jason has made it known to Elizabeth that he wants to be in Jake's life and she has made it clear she's ready to commit.  All of the pawns are in place and now it comes down to finding out what match is going to set off the powder keg.  Who is going to die?


My guess is on Michael.  Sure, we just finished having a Michael scare, but the bug was put out early that the person who would accidentally be shot would be Morgan, not Kate.  The fans went absolutely wild, as GH likely expected they would, and it ended up being Kate.  I don't believe for a second that it was ever intended that Morgan would be shot, but I do think the idea was intentionally leaked to get fans all riled up.  With the idea of a child being injured still lingering in the air like burnt toast, it would make sense that Michael, who is wearing the yoke of shame over his mother's miscarriage as well as Kate's shooting, would be the one to kick it since that would leave all of the adults connected to him in high drama.  Although I think it would be particularly grueling if he died or was injured as a result of Monica's boozing, I suspect it will revolve around the mob war since, well, all things do.  If something does happen to him, the angst will be peppered with the judgment of how each individual adult treated Michael over buying a gun, (hilariously, I first typed "buying a guy, which made the idea much more entertaining), buying bullets, hiding it within Morgan's reach for weeks and ultimately shooting Kate by dropping it, then running from the act, leaving her bleeding and dying, to save his own ass.


But I'm just speculating.  I don't know WHAT's going to happen for once.  I just figure something's coming.


In other thoughts, I believe I may have been a little too attached to Scott Egan's character of Johnny the Body Guard because as soon as ANYone refers to Johnny on the show, I think he's back again and ready to take over the mob.


Now that's a story I could wholly endorse.  Johnny, Benny, Max and Milo could definitely create one hell of a mob family.