October 12, 2006 One "Mostly Not Feelin It" Life to Live
So much of what I am seeing on OLTL these days can be preceded by the phrase, "Once again..." I feel as though I am watching reruns for the most part, although a few little gems are twinkling here and there.
I ain't feelin' it.
Despite all of the drama (hence the "daytime drama" title) going on in Llanview, it definitely sports some of the most boring couples on TV. This one is no exception. I really and truly did not care who was stalking Adriana. I am tired of seeing them have sex on top and under every flat surface of her new apartment. I'm surprised they haven't invested in a ton of velcro to do it on the walls and ceilings. Someone make it stop! Give me back my bad boy Rex and stop having Adriana pretend that she's badass. It was funny at first, like watching a little toddler screw up his first in his first real fit of anger, but about 20 seconds into it, it gets old and you just want the kid to shut up. Adriana is not Cassie and never will be. It is absolutely essential that she go off to clown school or some other admirable endeavor that takes her off screen... waaay off screen.
Did I mention boring couples yet? The sad part is that Todd is actually interesting when he's interacting with other characters, but Blair is still... Blair. Blair made Spencer simpering and boring. Blair made Kevin simpering and boring, although he was off to a really good start on his own. Blair made Max, one of the most complex and interesting characters to ever hit OLTL, simpering and boring. Gee, I think we've found our common denominator here. "Get your clothes on and get out of here," delivered with the je ne sais quoi of say, Roger Howarth, is anything but boring. I love it when I actually catch a glimpse of Todd in there somewhere. It's like finding a little diamond amongst all of the thousands of pieces of coal. Having Brian Frons, President of ABC Daytime, promise us that these two are on the road back together again is like promising us that Daddy is going to run out onto the rooftop and kill Santa; then they act like it's a good thing!
Or here.
To me, the relationship between Evangeline and Cris seems forced and ungainly. It's not a race thing for me because I thought RJ and Lindsay were hot together in the half scene we got to see with them that was somewhat sensuous. It's a "this couple is fabricated and sucks" thing. As many have pointed out, she still is doing the blind thing of never making eye contact with anyone and he is suddenly robbed of his dream because he can't hit people without getting arrested any more. I don't buy dreams that manifest out of the blue and I don't buy couples that are thrown together despite a lack of chemistry. Now she's going to run and hide because she had no clue he could be so violent??? Didn't she just see him crying like a little titty baby because his right to bang on people was taken away? Isn't he beating on this person to get his right to hit people reinstated? And she's an attorney assigned to hold a person's freedom in her hands? With those astute powers of observation? Dear God, let me never be falsely accused in Llanview.
I'm not at all saying Evangeline is out of line to be appalled by Cris' behavior. I'm just saying she shouldn't be surprised. Ever since they buried him in the Pet Semetary, that guy just hasn't been right. Carlo was the last one to really make him interesting. My thought is that as soon as a guy grabs me like that by the arms, the knee comes up rapidly, the heel of the hand thrusts into his nose and when he goes down, my stiletto heels create a new orifice or ten. He's a fighter. He should be used to it. On the other hand, what I don't do is take him back again.
This sure didn't do it for me.
When did OLTL decide that the majority of their viewing audience (women) had taken up a love for boxing? Don't they figure having watched "Rocky" a couple of times more than two decades ago took care of our boxing fix for the rest of our lives? Can he be a florist or a vet or a fireman or something cool?
Definitely not feeling it here.
Watching Jessica and Antonio together is like watching the last months of the Clinton administration walk around on wobbly legs before it fell over dead. It's like watching a beheaded chicken get up and run off because it doesn't realize it's dead yet. Someone put this lame duck out of its (and our) misery and get the story moving! All I can think of is, "POOR JAIMIE!" *sniff* She's going to lose yet another mama. Thank God for Abuela Carlotta.
No longer any doubt that Tommy is Todd, Jr. Will Todd be big enough to let him stay where he is happy? I'm thinking not a chance and before long, Blair will have her meathooks into another kid to screw up while Marcy cries and rants in the background.
I felt it here! Despite Claudia's presence.
I don't care who sleeps with Nash. Let it be Claudia... let it be Adriana... let it be Blair... let it be Bo, I don't care, just keep the man's shirt of as much as possible. Everything around him fades into a white blur when he's naked, so it doesn't really matter who's with him. What was I saying again?
God bless Tess. She actually makes Jess, a character I have despised since she was little, a big ol' ton of fun. Hit her again, Tess, I mean Jess. Just for fun.
I really felt it here!
Nash is the anti-Blair. He actually makes everyone he is with MORE interesting. Note to the powers that be: "Hire more Nashes and write off more Blairs." That kiss was smokin!
I REALLY felt it here! Whoo hooo!
This is the really awesome photo I couldn't find of David and Dorian making out on the counter top in the flour before stupid Kelly walked in and jacked everything up. Why oh WHY do they have to put together the worst couples and keep apart the best? You're killing me, here, people. If I don't see Tuc Watkins' tongue again soon, all hell is going to break out, I can tell you that much. I ask you, has anyone EVER worn a white robe better than David did on Wednesday? I wanted to eat strawberries and chocolate off of that chest! That scene made it well worth the sacrifice of me getting out of bed yesterday!
If Viki's menopause is going anything like mine, she needs to get back together with Clint and fast before she short circuits or something.
Trying to feel it here.
I don't like teen stories. I watch soaps to escape kids, not wallow in them. All three soaps are currently killing me with horrible, bratty kid stories. Calgon and ABC, take me away! I do, however, like Starr and I tentatively like Cole, but everything around them bugs the crap out of me. I might have liked this at one time, but I am so burned out on teen stories (and it's long past Summer now, folks) that I just don't care.
The best thing I've seen on soaps in a long time was John's funeral. OLTL really did that one up right and who knew "Foxy Mamas" sold widowed fiancée dresses?
Felt it here!
I loved the Irish Wake and hope that people do that for me when I die. I also hope some bitch, preferably Tuc Watkins, comes in ranting about how they shouldn't be having fun when I'm frickin dead. I loved how in this picture, Michael is holding up what looks like a full glass of Guinness when seconds before, someone handed him a half-glass of pale ale. Got to wonder if he slipped off that chair from a few too many takes and needed a refill.
Given OLTL's dismissal of any taboo regarding societal incest (or cousinly in the case of "Flash" kissing Joey, ew), I say these two should just hook up and get it over with. She's fast running out of men on the show.
Running out of men on the show... or not. I guess we found out how Natalie is going to act out this time she buried a boyfriend/husband. Good thing Layla dumped him just in time. Better hurry and get John out of those bandages!
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