November 8, 2005

When was the last time Courtney or Emily had a good day? What with attempts on their lives, kidnappings, rapes, train wrecks, hurricanes, bad costumes and silly parties, they must be in serious need of some Wellbutrin. I mean, letís face it, those girls have it rough. And so does the rest of Port Charles.  

Sure, I have drama in my life. Today I dealt with the water company for my rental property and about blew a gasket when they told me Iíd be responsible for my previous deadbeat renters unpaid water bills.  Um, excuse me. No.  Just a few minutes ago I sat as my six-year old son pitched a fit because he couldnít get to the next level on some ridiculous PlayStation Two game. (and it shouldnít surprise me that PlayStation does not require a spell check on Word, but it does.) And just last night I had to sleep on the couch because one of my dogs had such bad gas the smell was unbearable. Apparently she thinks my room is hers because she didnít leave and I did. Go figure.  

But no. I have not once had to deal with being kidnapped.  Nor was my life threatened by my husbandís grandmother. Actually, she is a wonderful lady and wouldnít hurt a flea so I donít think sheíd ever try to off me.  Needless to say, coming from Chicago, Iíve been on several Amtrak trains (now why does Amtrak require spell check and PlayStation doesnít?) and not once has one crashed. Oh, and though I do have long dead relatives who were associated with the Chicago Mafia, not once has anyone tried to kill me or threaten my family. And every bit of sex I have ever had has been willing.  Some more willing than others, but willingly, nonetheless. Oh, and I know for a fact that the basement of my local hospital goes no further than the elevator. Honest. (I have a friend who works there. I trust her.)  

I never slept with my best friends father.  I never assumed someone elseís identity. At times Iíve wanted to, like when my son threw the fit mentioned above, but I never have.  

What have I experienced? Iíve experienced great family time. I use the toilet. I take off my make up before going to bed. Iíve had downtime between relationships. I got married and remain happy. I have had to work. I had a normal pregnancy. I have kids that I cart around after school to every activity imaginable. I have clothes from Wal-Mart.  I have sweats or pjís on most of the time while Iím home. I have two dogs and a cat that I pay attention to. I have a doctor who doesnít have an office on the ER floor of the hospital. Or on any floor of the hospital for that matter. I have friends who are not affiliated with the mob. I have a car and donít usually walk anywhere if I donít have to. I have land surrounding me. No docks that I must go through to get anywhere in my city. I have bad hair days. I have a limited amount of whole blouses. I have friends I can trust who I donít think would ever knowingly stab me in the back. I have a good relationship with my parents.  

Put me against Emily and Courtney and man, Iíve got the life, donít I?   

I just donít get it. PC hasnít had one straight week of good days in what?  Five years? If itís not a hurricane (where thankfully, everyone was safe due to the duct tape put on all the windows. Phew. They had me worried there for a bit!), itís a bad storm. Or some freak with nasty tattoos and an extremely evil smile on the loose tormenting all of the gorgeous women in town (because, as you know, there are NO unattractive women in PC!)  Or, and dare I say this...aliens. Personally, if an alien came to my town, albeit naked, Iíd still run screaming to the nearest government office no matter how cute he was!  

Whatís up with this? Of course thereís no romance on this show people! Thereís no time for romance! Everyone is constantly in an upheaval over some tragedy. Theyíre either waiting patiently in formal attire for a helicopter to pick them off a roof or trying to escape from some lunatic.  How could there be time for romance? Heck, if you want romance, go to the other two shows. Youíll get some there. But sorry folks, the residents of Port Chuck are far too busy handling crisis after crisis to have sex or even think about having sex.  Besides, would you want to have sex if you lived in PC? If you got pregnant, youíd either lose the baby, not know who the real father is or deliver a baby in some strange place and likely get shot in the head by your husband.  Sure doesnít make having sex worth it.  Unless heís really, really, REALLY good. Then I suggest you do it in a padded room with no windows and locked doors and make it quick so no one can get to you.  

Whatís my point in all of this? Frankly, I donít even know. I just watched the show today and thought, ďWhereís the romance?Ē Iím sick of no romance. Canít we just have a little bit here and there and not when someoneís life is in danger or thereís a tragedy happening. Just maybe a kiss or two every now and then. Thatís not too much to ask, is it?  Really, it shouldnít be.  

I think, as so many have said before me, this show is written for men with a few soft touches for women every now and then. How many men do you know that watch GH? Iím just sayiní...


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