I have spent the last three days lying in my bed.  I cannot even begin to tell you how incredibly anxious and bored I am!  I have so much empathy for those who are bedridden now.  On Sunday I finally conjured up the strength to go to the ER. I could have gone to an immediate care facility or even my doctor, but I’d waited until Sunday and neither of those is open.  I have a severe sinus infection, bronchitis and pleurisy. How fun! So in layman’s terms, I can’t breathe, smell or talk well. Not to mention taste. What a waste. I’ve sat here and downed two bags of Snickers Popables and the taste was wasted on a stuffed nose.  The calories however, have firmly attached themselves to my thighs in the form of little lumps.   

Not only do I feel like poop, but I’m now growing a lovely little ‘sore’ on my upper lip.  Just my luck.  My 12 year old is in health class and just the other day we had a conversation about what she’d learned that day.  Apparently, she told me, if you get a cold sore, you’ve had some type of unsafe sex and you’ve got a sexually transmitted disease. So how do I explain the damn cold sore? Did I do something in a former life that’s made me have to pay this way? 

Since being stuck in bed, I’ve had an opportunity to renew my obsession with the internet and email.  I received an email from a person who was searching for information on cleaning.  She found me (that’s scary, I know.). We have written books of emails to each other and oddly, we have several things in common. Go figure, she lives far away.  

Dianna lives in NY and was hit by the monstrous snowstorm of the weekend.  She sent pictures of both herself and her car in the snow.  If you squinted and focused hard, you could see her beneath a few feet of white stuff.  I feel for her.   I moved from Chicago to Atlanta to get away from that stuff.  

Have you read Katrina’s fatastic journal? She is doing so well and I’m proud of her! I think she’s going to have to wear a nametag in CA this summer because we won’t recognize her!  

If you’re wondering, Kathy is still alive.  She passed on her cold to me via the phone the other day, which torpedoed into all of my above mentioned ailments so I’ve decided to not talk to her until I get a full doctors report…if she has even the slightest sniffle, she’s taboo!  

Even though I’ve been sick and barely breathing (literally) my mother has requested I do things for her.  If you don’t know, she lives here, is 75 and has limited mobility (not like those people in the scooter commercials) due to a stroke.  With that being said, she has labeled herself an invalid and it’s my job to be at her beck and call.  This weekend I had to drag myself down the stairs to show her for the billionth time how to change from watching a DVD to regular TV.  Mind you, it’s simply a click on a button twice. That’s it.  A click of a button, twice.   She cannot for the life of her figure it out. Amazing. So I there I went down the stairs at much less than lightning speed to click the button, twice.  Then it’s back up the stairs at little more than a crawl, drag myself into bed, settle on the pillows just high enough to allow the stuff stuck in my head to pulsate less than severe and what do I hear, “Carolyn!  Can you come and put in another DVD?” 

There is no God.  

 My son, on the other hand, has been an angel. If any of you have seen a cute little blond boy with two crooked front teeth growing in that acts like a small devil, please direct him back to our house.  Whoever took his place here is just far too nice for my tastes.  I had to give him his growth hormone shot the other night (as always) but since I was sick, I lacked the patience to wait until it warmed up enough to give it to him.  Instead, I did the ‘hold it in my hand and give it human warmth’ trick.  I just didn’t want to wait and stay downstairs then go back upstairs to bed.  So I get the shot ready, he drops trow (his pants) and I stick the needle in.  Normally it doesn’t hurt.  BUT…since I didn’t have the patience to let it warm up, it stung.  I am pond scum.  He was an angel.  I apologized and as he bawled his eyes out walking upstairs he said, “It’s okay.  It’s not your fault. You can’t help it.” OMG! That made me feel even worse! Way to be selfish Carolyn and worry about how you feel, not your son.  I have decided to become the Founder and President of the Mom’s who are pond scum club.  If you want to join, email me. 

He is such a trooper.  He came home from school today all grossed out because he’s got four girls who like him.  Two are a set of twins. My husband high-fived him on that one. Go figure.  One of the girls pulled him aside today and said, quite forcefully apparently, “You WILL be my Valentine!”  Wow! First grade.  That stuff starts early, huh? He is a looker, but I don’t think he should be attracting any psychos just yet.  

Am I the only one who really doesn’t care about the Olympics? Forgive me, but it’s lost on me.  Today my mother was watching something on it. I had again crawled downstairs (out of Popables, I was in search of some other form of chocolate. I’ll always move for chocolate) and noticed these women pushing what looked like some form of shuffle board thingy and other women standing in front of it, making some kind of scrapes in the ice they were on.  What the heck is that!?  It’s a SPORT? If was the stupidest thing I have ever seen!  I still can’t figure it out. If someone actually gets a Gold medal for doing that I am going to try out for the Olympics next time.  I’m sure I can push something around on the ice.   As long as I don’t have to wear ice skates, I’ll be fine.  

If you haven’t received the email, check out http://www12.familywatchdog.us/ .   It’s a site where you put in your address and it maps out the known sex offenders in your area.  The site provides pictures and address information along with what the person was arrested for.  I was shocked and amazed.  There are a lot of sick people in this world.  

Today I learned if you suck on a Hershey’s bar long enough, it gets all gooey and melts in your mouth better than an M&M.  Doesn’t work with a Krackel though. I tried, but it failed. It’s hard to get the little squares to fit in your mouth easily, (I have the miniatures) but once it melts a bit, it’s simply yummy.  

See, there’s not a heck of a lot to do while lying in bed.  Told you so.  

It snowed last week in Atlanta.  This weekend too, but last week was more fun.   We had these HUGE snowflakes, the size of tennis balls, no joke.  They were beautiful, especially because they didn’t stick.  I got to enjoy their look and didn’t have to see them combined into grayish black, hard, icy lumps on the bottom of my car.  I like that kind of snow.  

Do you know there is almost nothing to watch on TV during the day on the weekends? I did learn how to make a bench, decorate a laundry room (who really does that?) and make spinach pasta.  Not that I’ll ever do any of that, but at least I know how if I decide to.  

I searched and searched for a little of my new favorite TV actor, Vincent D'Onofrio (Law & Order, Criminal Intent) but couldn’t find him.   Except in a bad 80’s movie with Matt Dillon titled “Mr. Wonderful”.   I love Criminal Intent. Vicent D’Onofrio is a wonderful actor.  I’m confused though because lately the only CI shows on have been with Chris Noth, who I am not a fan. My father says VD is still on, but I’ve yet to see him in a new episode.  If they traded VD for CN, I’m boycotting the show.  First it was Joan of Arcadia taken away and now CI with VD, that will just do it for me. Enough!  

I’m planning on being well enough tomorrow to go to the gym and spin all of these Hershey miniatures off my thighs.  If I’m not, I’m going to go anyway.  I can’t imagine sitting in this bed for any longer.  It’s a great bed, but it’s use is to be only for sleeping, watching Law & Order Criminal Intent and having sex.  None of which I’ve had a whole lot of interest in lately.  Even sleeping isn’t desirable.  It just allows the stuff inside my sinuses to gather and build to the point of severe throbbing.   Not fun!  

Phew. I needed this.  I’ve been lying here contemplating my life, my chocolate and good TV and haven’t been able to share.  Thanks for reading!