July 25, 2006

Anvil is a common term for something that happens on a show that has a certain Meaning beyond the moment.  One of the most common anvils is when a couple stare into each other’s eyes and dreamily whisper to each other “we are so in love, nothing could ever break us apart.”  Sometimes the anvils are very subtle, but other times they are so obvious they make you laugh.  Annie angrily said, “When’s the last time proof was dumped in your lap?”  Poof!  Proof! 

Kendall still has so much baggage regarding her father.  Erin was going on and on about the baggage she carries around – and she’s certainly earned her load.  But no one does neurotic like Kendall.  Erin could only dream of flaking out the way Kendall does.  Don’t get me wrong, I say that in the most loving way possible.  I’ve loved Kendall ever since she flounced on the screen in 2002, ready to do whatever it took to toss her mother in jail.  I’ve moaned and groaned and grit my teeth through each and every one of her spaz-outs.  This past week she was spazzing out big time.  It’s one thing to mourn the possibility that Spike could have a pig for a father (what?  I meant Greg, of course!).  That’s understandable - there was already enough craziness surrounding Spike’s conception without adding personal violation to it.  But Kendall assumes that Spike will someday be devastated by that knowledge.  I contend that if no one else makes a big deal of it, he won’t either.  The way things stand now, he’s got lots of people in his life ready to pour out love onto him to make him feel secure about himself.  Look at Miranda – she’s very happy and well-adjusted.  I’m not saying he would shrug off his parentage, but children take their cues from the adults in their lives.  If Greg had truly been the father, my advice to Kendall would have been to grieve and work through what Greg did to her, and then focus on the positive.  But we all know by now that the question is moot – Ryan’s the daddy.  Or is he?  (eeeeeek!  flying anvils!) 

I could make a joke about Krystal’s jingly peasant blouse reminding me of the song “Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves” but that would be too obvious.  So I won’t. 

Erica is nothing, if not consistent.  Jeff wants Josh to know that his real father isn’t evil incarnate so that he can have some peace.  Erica responds, “What about peace for meeeee?”  That, of course, initially made me roll my eyes.  But then she made me and everyone else in the room feel sheepish as she went on about what learning the truth about Josh did to her, and considering all the other crap she’s been through in her life she just wants to put it all behind her.  Hmm.  For a little while there, I actually felt bad for her.  I got over it pretty quickly.  I guess the point in all this is that whether the truth comes out or not, there are no winners.  This is some serious ish for everyone involved. 

Adam would have cackled with glee if he had seen Dixie ready to serve herself up to Derek as the sacrificial lamb in place of JR.  I almost wish that she had been able to go through with it, just to see the look on Adam’s face as he realizes that Dixie the Martyr is once again on everyone’s shiny pedestal. 

Last week I joked at how surprising and unsoaplike it was for Colby not to cry rape when Josh rejected her and her brother walked in.  This week, the unsoaplikeness (uh?) of Zach blew me away.  Ryan, the man that Kendall used to be crazy in love with, who has proclaimed that he is still in love with her, is spending gobs of time with the newlyweds when he isn’t living right across the courtyard from them.  Kendall spends half her time gushing about Spike’s super-duper-stupendous-wonderful daddy.  Most soap guys might have been daydreaming of murder about now.  Adam, for sure, would have long since put Ryan in his grave.  So when the opportunity presented itself for Ryan to be out of their lives - instead of going to his knees in fervent thanks over this piece of fortune, Zach instead went to make a deal with the devil (Erica) so that his wife could get what she wanted.  Dude…how unsoapy can you get?  I can see all the other soap men just shaking their heads right now.  No wonder David is convinced that Zach is Madden’s killer.  Only someone really twisted would have put Greg in that box, and I’m sure that David would consider Zach’s willingness to put up with Ryan to be bordering on insanity. 

Damn you, Tad Martin!  Just when I think my hate for you couldn’t possibly go any deeper, you flip out in Derek’s office and write REDRUM on the door with lipstick.  Whenever Tad employs humor, it’s like a big ole reset button in my head.  All his crappiness just goes away.  I guess I’m really glad that he’s a soap character and not my boyfriend, or else I would need some serious therapy. 

I had headaches a lot this past week, and I think it’s directly related to watching Babe attempt to make nice with Kendall and work her way torturously through a not-so-subtle fishing expedition.  Did anyone’s dogs start whining inexplicably or hamsters start running furiously on their wheels as if trying to escape something?  Yep.  All related. 

I’d be willing to bet that when Joe goes home at night, he heads straight for the dining room and opens up the china hutch to reveal a shrine dedicated to Josh.  He burns an incense stick for every day that he is forced to pretend that Josh isn’t a Martin.  Ruth is probably getting pissed at all the burnt sticks littering the floor.  Anyway, how else can we explain that Joe would believe Josh over his grandson in the asthma case?  The whole thing should have been moot anyway.  Josh claimed that Julia put the notation in the file after the fact.  Well, after Josh took the file from her, the next person to look at it was Jeff.  When exactly would Julia have been able to alter it?  There was no point to all of that except to make Joe look like a complete tool, and that is just unacceptable. 

Babe tells Kendall that Ryan hates Madden for what he did to Greenlee.  I had to wonder what she was referring to.  Was she referring to Madden lying about using Greenlee’s egg when it was really Kendall’s egg?  If that’s the case, that was a bad move on Babe’s part since it was Kendall’s idea to use her egg in the first place.  Or was she referring to what has been speculated by fans, but never brought up on the show – that Greg possibly caused Greenlee’s miscarriage and lied about her ability to carry a child to term.  Why would he do that?  So that he could plant the idea in Kendall’s mind to become a surrogate, and then eventually use her egg and his sperm to make his very own Frankenstein.  Oh but that’s right - we just found out that Ryan is really the daddy.  Or is he?  (eeeeeeeee!  that one was close!) 

The various doors in Pine Valley are freaking me out.  A few weeks ago we had Tad peering in at Zach and Dixie, and the door suddenly shut.  Then this week Kendall was spying on Ryan and Annie, and the door shut on her!  Tad writes REDRUM on a doorway.  Coincidence?  Hmmm…. 

The other thing creeping me out is Invisible Emma.  I know they’re just trying to avoid having a kid on set more than necessary, or maybe they just haven’t found the right actress yet.  It’s still creepy.   

A chuckle goes to Julia for speculating that DNA stood for Diabolical Nasty Ass.  Not particularly clever, but the enthusiasm behind it made me smile. 

I’m actually enjoying Julia and Jamie.  They don’t make me squee like Zen does or Jabe once did (grrrr), but they are sweet and entertaining.  They don’t annoy me or make me angry, and with the storylines these days, that’s a real accomplishment. 

Blair cracks me up.  She saw how Todd was so attentive to Evangeline, and she growled to herself that she wasn’t going to work so hard to nail Spencer (haha!  I made a pun!), only to lose Todd to Evangeline.  I used to like Blair a lot, and I would like her again if she would just move on.  It is so over with Todd.  To tell you the truth, I wouldn’t mind seeing her with Bo.  He’s not with anyone right now, and they are both talented actors who could really be fun together.  What?  You say he is with someone?  Who?  Oh, Paige.  Yeah, um, whatever.  The more I think about it, the more I think I could really get on board a Bo and Blair pairing.  Their nickname could be Blo.  Hahahha!  I’ll shut up now. 

It always makes me smile to see cute little consistencies on a show.  No matter how many times people pronounce Ay-driana, Dorian will always correct them and say Ah-driana. 

At first I kept thinking to myself, “Why doesn’t Jessica give Nash a frickin break?  That’s his daughter.”  But then he kidnapped the two of them.  Um…I understand that the poor guy is heartsick for Tess and wants to be with her and his baby, but the way the whole thing played out just gave me the creeps.  It didn’t play out as desperate man in love, it played out more like control freak. 

I was struck this week by how much Claudia reminds me of Allison Perkins. 

I loved it when Natalie came up to John and Claudia after Claudia macked on him, and John didn’t want to leave but she said she could take care of this.  Then she told Claudia, “Don’t ever touch my man again.”  Claudia gave as well as she got, but it was still pretty sweet.  I can’t help it; I love a good verbal catfight. 

Wow, one thing about Robert – never say he isn’t supportive of his daughter having a healthy sex life.  Yeah, that’s about all I got for this week’s GH. 

Thanks for reading.  Cheers! 


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