February 24, 2006

I figured that it had been only about a week since my last column – way longer, sorry.  I have no excuse really, but I guess I totally lost track of time because everyone who’s at the hospital is still wearing the same damn paper jammies.  I even went online at www.abc.com to check the recaps to see if there was really anything that I was missing and found this little tidbit: Jax can't bring himself to tell Nikolas the truth about John but does want Nikolas to be a part of the baby's life. 

Well, isn’t that just so selfless and thoughtful of Jax, especially considering that Nikolas is baby John’s daddy? 

Well Courtney is dead, really dead.  As in doornail.  Yup, kicked the bucket and bought the farm.  Pushing up daisies, bit the dust, basting the formaldehyde turkey.  Poster girl for Forest Lawn… the chick is worm food.   


My friend Bruce is devastated.  He kept hoping and praying that Nikolas and she would head back to some island and get all nekid or sumpin.  Nekid Courtney, not necessarily nekid Nikolas.  Of course I don’t even really have to see Nikolas on an island to know what he looks like nekid.  He wears that ugly-ass, used to be black in another life, ribbed sweater with the too long sleeves that shows his nipples and his tummy muscles all the damn time.  It’s as good as for Port Charles in the winter.   

Damn, I can’t find the sweater,
but you get the idea – and you
can SEE his man boobies

I used to think that Sweeps Week was just that… a week.  Why don’t they just pony up and call it what it really is: Sweeps MONTH.  This thing is dragging on for frickin’ ever.  Every single solitary person in Port Charles has passed out, given blood, saved a life, hallucinated, cried out for Mommy and/or Daddy, gotten married or visited the Markaam Islands in the last three and a half weeks.   

And another thing – am I the only goober who wonders about stupidly mundane things like: what are these peeps doing for showers?  Are they sharing a communal stick of deodorant?   What about clean changes of underwear?  Does the SWAT team sling shot them in or what?  Tooth brushes?!  Have we all forgotten that there’s we still haven’t won the fight against tooth decay?  Inquiring minds want to know!! 

More and more signs are pointing to Sam being Alexis’ daughter – let’s face it, the GH writers just aren’t all that creative and I doubt they could come up with something better.  And besides that, how else can they truly integrate their Emmy nominee into the whole GH core unless she’s part of either: A) Sonny’s world (here we go back to the Six Degrees of Sonny; B) A Spencer   C) A Cassadine or D) part of Sonny’s world.  I stand by my theory that she’s the offspring of Alexis and Robert.  A Scorpio-Cassadine.  Luvs it. 

My favorite line this week was Alexis to Rick, “Thank you for keeping me from being too lonely.” 


Oh My God – new SoapNet commercial – Rick Hearst getting dressed, doing the boxing thing – ummmm boy.  If anyone out there is a computer whiz and can figure out how I can get a streaming copy, please let me know.  Dang. 

Loving all the references to the past – the latest being Holly telling Luke to meet her at the Floating Rib.  Ah nostalgia. 

A woman scorned?  Yeah, but with the
best face that money can buy. 

OK, Holly has like, what? 36 million bucks worth of antidote and she hides it in the minibar?  What’s up with that?  Doesn’t Carly’s four star hotel have a room safe?   

In response to my last column, I got an email from Teri who wanted to toss another Sam Conspiracy Theory into the ring. 

“Just read your article. Very interesting about Robert and Alexis but, what about Sam being Alan and Susan's baby (one she never told him about) she kind of looks like Susan and that would be the ONLY reason I know of to break up Sam and Jason.” 

Here’s what I had to say about that: 

“Frist off let me say "Ick"

Secondly, let me say "hmmmm...."

Not that it couldn't be a wildcard option, but I just deep down don't think that ABC would have the cojones to show an incest story that was ever actually consummated. Through the years, there've been near misses on all the soaps - usually with the characters figuring out their paternity justthisclose to actually knockin’ boots.  Even GH has been treading a fine line in the last few years with Ned/Skye, Dillon/Brooklyn and the Maxie/Lucas/Georgie infatuation. But in all three of those cases, the participants were always very careful to point out in the dialogue that they weren't actually related by blood.  

I think (and not that it makes a bit of difference to the GH writers) that it's implausible to make Sam and Jason siblings. There's a definite age difference between Sam and Jason. Not enough to make them any kind of a May-December couple, and don't quote me on this... but wasn't Susan involved with Scotty at the time of her death? I seem to remember Scotty and Heather trying to get custody of Jason's inheritance at one point.... At any rate, I don't think ABC would allow two of its cash cows to become known as being in a long-term incestuous sexual relationship - they just wouldn't tempt fate that way.” 

Besides we already have the “Soily” pairing for the ick factor.  

I really didn’t need to see this.  And what exactly is
that in the upper left quadrant of the frame??? 

I guess this is how ABC gets around the censors…
orgasm toes. 

I crack myself up.



Screen captures courtesy of:


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