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For the Week of August 14, 2006

Darlings!  It is so exciting to be back doing the GH and OLTL spoiler commentary again!  My arm is healing much faster than expected, for which I am very, very glad.  I still have to wear the cast for at least another couple of weeks, but I have almost complete usage restored, which is a great relief, I can tell you that!

I'm not fat, I'm pregnant!  That's right!  Sage is expecting to birth something very exciting and fun in the next couple of weeks!  Stay tuned to find out!  It's tres' exciting!!  For now, on with the spoilers!


Monday, August 14th

Sam regrets sleeping with Ric;

Then she obviously was not doing it right.

Elizabeth seeks comfort from Jason;

And ah, the comfort that shall be!  I have yet to watch Friday's GH (Look, do you really think I have nothing to do but sit around and watch soaps?  I'm a man with a LIFE.  I have stuff to DO.    Sigh.  OK, OK, so my little mid-Friday nappy nap went a little longer than expected and I have not yet gotten around to watching it on my TIVO -- yaayyyy!  Sage got a TIVO!  Happy Birfday to me!!), but I hear it was a really good one and I look forward to watching it tonight!  Do I dare hope that the Liason consummation is at long last airing?  Dare I?  Regardless, I am lubbin me some GH right about now!

Sonny advises Ric to contemplate his life;

Or the ending of it?  To be or not to be?  To sleep with EVERY woman Sonny ever bedded (or else lie and say he did?).

Alexis opens up to Sonny;

Not her legs this time, no, God, please no.

Lucky takes more pills.

Yeah, well, today does have a "Y" in it, so why would Lucky the Junkie not be popping pills?  Does he realize he's supposed to be on Cortland Street by now?  Living with a hooker??  C'mon, chop chop!  He and Maxie the Whore are way behind schedule here!

Tuesday, August 15th

Sam leaves Jason's;

and doesn't even peck peck peck on the door, creating a disastrous coitus interruptus.  But then... but then... she knocks some crap over and Jason comes running out half dressed with a big, big gun and then... nothing happens and he goes back inside.

Jason and Elizabeth are happy to know each other;

I love that euphemism.  It's a happy way of saying we did the deed.  Ric and Sam are happy to know each other.  Lucky and Maxie are evidently happy to know each other a lot.  Robin and Patrick will soon be happy to know each other.  I really hope Alexis and Sonny aren't happy to know each other.

Alexis asks Sam to stay;

Because otherwise, SHE will have to be happy to know Ric and that would seriously bite into her career plans.

Colleen is a bit jealous, and plots against Emily;

A bit?  She's foaming at the mouth and pissing all around Nikolas.  Sadly, her plan results in Emily spraining her ankle and being carried back to Wyndemere by Prince Nikolas (in the can) and together they decide whether or not they need no steenkin nanny.

Patrick and Robin's relationship gains strength

...and I'll bet they are happy to know each other.

Wednesday, August 16th

Lulu sees how happy Dillon and Georgie are;

I don't think LuLu is happy to know Dillon any more. 

Someone might be pregnant;

I'm betting it's the blonde chick with the positive pregnancy test in her purse.  Or maybe it's Sam.  Yep, it's Sam.  I wonder if Elizabeth is also pregnant.  What will we do if everyone is pregnant?  Are there enough staircases to go around?

Patrick and Robin are about to enjoy each other when they are interrupted with news about April;

Uh oh!  She's about to get ousted to the hospital that Lucky was way too good to go into!  Someone get Sonny and his big, fat, long bankroll!  STAT!

Sonny makes Max sweat;

Why does this make me suspect that Sonny is really happy to know Max?

Alcazar makes threats and demands

So he tells Wobert that he will destroy the Quartermaines if Wobert doesn't produce Skye, post haste.  Evidently, consenting adults of legal have do not have rights any more.  We can't count the little nonconsenting nonadult in her tummy since the rights of infants don't seem to have much value in America.  So completely do not get me started on this.   

Thursday, August 17th

Elizabeth heads home to confront Lucky;

The word resounding in my brain right now is "why?"

Sam refuses to take money from Ric;

Well she's for sure not doing THAT right.

Sonny and Sam have a chat;

I say that even as good as the therapy scenes have been, we pack Sonny away in a box until Kristina gets married (SORAS is even OK as long as it takes a couple of years or so) and then he can come out and grant the wishes of everyone in Port Charles who stands outside his office in a long line.  *shrug*  It's a Mafiosi thang.

Alexis refuses to side with Alcazar against Skye;

Are they playing Red Rover her or what?  Cause Skye has two people in one barreling toward the conjoined hands and can probably take on anyone.

Lulu has shocking news for Dillon

Probably not Lebanon related, I'm thinking.

Friday, August 18th

Jason is frank with Sam;

Can he call her Betty if he's Frank?  Sounds fun!

Sonny learns Alexis' secret;

Dear lord, there are so many, how can we be sure?  Is it the identity of Sam's father?  The fact that her husband is an unrestrained horndog?  That she's dying of lung cancer?  Oh please pick one and let's move along.

Sonny has harsh words for Ric;

I guess he didn't contemplate his life well enough... Or maybe Ric misunderstood and thought Sonny meant he should contemplate his OWN life and not Sonny's.

Lucky meets with Maxie;

Let me finish this spoiler... "Who is dressed like a whore?"  Did I get it right?

Lulu is overwhelmed

Yeah, well, it's a little hard to only be whelmed with all that going on.


Monday, August 14th

Rex accuses Dorian of framing him;

Ha!  Some time back,  I speculated that Dorian might be the stalker and I thought I was kidding.  This is just... bad.

Adriana is a bit worried about her fate;

She needn't be.  She's got Bruce the roofie king to protect her.

Todd and Blair agree to keep up their charade;

That we care what happens to them any more?

Starr makes a confession to Langston;

"I don't know who you are and neither does the audience."

Jessica sees Claudia at the hospital.

Uh oh.  No "seeing Claudia" allowed.  At least it was at someplace interesting like the hospital instead of, say, the Piggly Wiggly.

Tuesday, August 15th

Blair is preoccupied with Starr;

Where in the world will Spencer keep his penis now???

Langston is impressed by Starr's scheme to reunite Todd and Blair;

With a name like Langston, I'm picturing Alfred, Batman's butler.

John vows to expose Spencer;

*unzip!*  Ew!

Jessica loses her patience with Antonio and Nash;

Has this girl never seen "Paint Your Wagon???"

Lindsay confronts Nora and RJ.

I'll bet Lindsay could really kick Nora's ass right now.

Wednesday, August 16th

Jessica and Nash discuss the complexities of their relationship;

Yes, well, it's definitely... complex.

Antonio is eager to get into some shady business;

That's an odd spoiler since we know he is trying to get his badge back soon.

Kelly gets upset.

Yeah, well, it's not like this is anything out of the ordinary.

Thursday, August 17th

Blair sets out to get John what he needs;

Does it still involve Spencer's zipper?  Wow, that was only 2 days that she was preoccupied with Starr.

Evangeline ends up with multiple dates for the gala;

If multiple means 2, then yeah... why choose?  See, Jessica could learn from Evangeline.

Antonio makes progress;

"Toes go into shoes first!"

Nash reads Tess' journal;

Since she doesn't exist, I guess it's no intrusion of her privacy.

Clint defends Dorian.

Does he know she hired someone to stalk Ahhdriahhhhna?

Friday, August 18th

Spencer disrupts Blair's plan;

More sex to be had!  Woot!

Viki has advice for Todd;

I know it's going to be some kind of "go back to your family" bullshit, but I'd give anything for it to be something like instructions on how to eat an Oreo, Lord style.

Evangeline and Cristian look forward to sex time;

Yes, well, don't we all...

Rex puts on his detective cap;

Does he have the pipe and magnifying glass as well?

Claudia offers financial assistance to Nash

If he says no, he's a weenie.

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