This week's spoilers used for commentary are compliments of our friends over at SOAPTOWN USA

March 20, 2006


Ms Kate is away on family business this week and will be unable to write her AMC Spoiler Commentary column, so I am taking over the task:

Monday, March 20
Disguised as a doctor, Dixie pays a farewell visit to Little Adam;

This is going to be the most confused kid in the history of kids.  We're talking major therapy here.  First he's got the shitty name of "Ace," then he's taken from the only parents he knows (who were going through a bitter custody dispute over him) and is returned to JR and Babe, who go through a bitter custody dispute over him, resulting in Babe and Daddy #3, Jamie, taking him on the road in hiding and giving him the only respectable name of his life, "James," then he was taken away from THAT mommy and daddy and brought to live with the crazy Chandlers, had the name "Adam" for 4.2 seconds before it was changed to "Little A" for whatever sadistic reasons I can't imagine, then got attached to Di, who was promptly ostracized away from him, after which he was kidnapped by Santa Claus and left to freeze in his jammies next to the baby Jesus, then he was kidnapped by yet another crazy person who bonked his mother on the head and put her in a freezer with a dead guy.  Now everyone around him is getting married and people are STILL dressing up in disguises to see him.  This kid is going to have serious attachment issues.

Tad assures Di everything will work out;

The surest invitation to disaster.

Zach comes to Kendall's rescue on the rooftop;

He must have roof sensors glued onto the soles of each of her 89 pairs of too high heels.

Greg drinks the poisoned tea Erica serves him;

What a gullible nimrod.

Jack thinks Erica is hiding something.

Pfft. Y'think?

Tuesday, March 21
Jamie agrees to be JR's best man;

The best he could find on short notice, anyway.

Palmer insists Joe reinstate David at the hospital;

I'll bet that caused a lifted bushy eyebrow.

JR warns David not to cause trouble;

My head is so riddled with "pot" and "kettle" comments it's going to seize up.  I think I need to reboot my brain.

David thinks he caught a glimpse of Dixie;

Did she look like a doctor? Does he say, "I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV who thought he saw one who looked like his ex-dead lover?"

Aidan and Erin wake up next to each other;

Far preferable to hearing the sound of a zipper in the dark, followed by a closing door, I guess.

Greg and Josh do not suspect foul play.

How can dumbass be genetic if they aren't related?  Oh, never mind.  I just found the source.

Wednesday, March 22
David views security tapes to try to spot Dixie;

It's good to know he's putting his newly re-acquired hospital time to good use.

Zach immobilizes David;

He might as well take a stab at it.  Everyone else in town has.

Adam and Krystal want to renew their vows at Babe and JR's wedding;

Oh sure, steal their thunder.

Dixie hides;

If anyone starts counting and then goes looking for her, you'll have to answer to me.

Janet disowns Amanda;

As have we all, but she just keeps coming back.

Brooke confronts Janet;

This should read, "Brooke gets a scene!"

Jack and Lily reach an understanding.

Do they understand that Erica is nucking futs?"

Thursday, March 23
Di and Del agree to help Dixie;

That is one annoying "D" family.

David makes a discovery;

That he hasn't had a good story in years?

JR and Babe wed; Adam and Krystal exchange vows;

Cake.  I'll go but I must have cake.  ...and pigs in the blanket.

Greg introduces Kendall to a couple who wish to adopt;

Isn't that, well, a bit premature?

Ryan voices his suspicions about Greg;

That he peddles babies and embryos door to door?

Zach confronts Janet.

Zach is just taking everyone to task this week, isn't he?

Friday,  March 24
David delivers Dixie an ultimatum;

Get out or Sage is going to kill you with his bare hands.

Opal accuses Di of keeping a secret;

This isn't going to be pretty.

Ryan urges Kendall to find a different doctor;

I'm sure the town has more than one.

Julia breaks down after a consultation with Greg.

I hope they took out an extended warranty on her.



Monday, March 20
Todd avoids being discovered;

See?  He's much better at slinking around town than is Dixie.

Starr, Blair and Jack get stranded on their way to the cabin;

Because you have to put gas in those things, Blair.

John vows to avenge his father's death;

Isn't he about 30 years or so too late?

David and Paige do not realize they are responsible;

I don't think they are very responsible either.

Drunken Kevin takes out his anger on Kelly and Duke.

Ah yes.  Ass Kevin.  I remember him.

Tuesday, March 21
Clint and Viki meet Rose at an abandoned house;

She should likely leave her dad at home this time.

Todd and Evangeline search Spencer's secret room;

*I* want a secret room, right now!!

Spencer comes to Blair, Starr and Jack's rescue;

Of all the people she knows, not to mention AAA, her insurance company or the police, she has to call the stalker.  Good God, this woman is dumber than a baggie of hair.

Rex accuses Dorian of masterminding the attack;

Because unlike so many others, Rex is a character who is in possession of a brain.

Rex does not fear Dorian.

Admittedly, that's probably short-sighted of him.

Wednesday, March 22
Evangeline demands answers from Paige;

Since Paige has answers for no one lately, I'm thinking she's not going to get far.

Todd sees Blair in Spencer's arms;

Not a good place for her to be.

Viki and Clint find a locked box at the abandoned house;

No good can come of a locked box in an abandoned house (Horror Movies 101)

Tess stands up to Reston when he threatens her;

Mess with the pregnant bull and you get the horns!  (Heh heh... that sounded funny.  I just laughed Capt Morgan's through my nose.  Ow.  It stings)

Paige's secrets and lies continue to push her and Bo further apart.

There comes a time when you just have to stop secreting and lying.

Thursday, March 23
Evangeline prepares to prevent a disaster;

If she's wearing the bullet deflecting cuffs, I'm betting she can manage it.

Todd believes he is fulfilling a prophecy;

Ooooh!  I love psycho stuff!  "And there shall come forth, a man who emerges from the belly of a downed giant bird, a man who once had another face and now shows a different one, a man who talks to magic frogs and isn't nearly as cool as he used to be.  A man who will bring the dead back to life again and like the phoenix, rise from the ashes of his own fire... and they will call that man... 'Todd'."  ("But you can call him 'Todd'.")

Natalie resolves to help find John's father's killer;

Bad news for the father killer hunt.  That's like Charlie Brown joining you for trick-or-treating.

Dr. Crosby has news for John;

Will he have to wait until 10pm to get it?

Dorian turns to Daryl for help in her plan to ruin Rex.

Is Daryl going to have to wear a side-kick costume like Robin, Kato and Arthur?

Friday,  March 24
Nash and Tess enjoy their last tranquil night together in Napa;

And least someone gets some peace and quiet.

Clint and Viki learn about Jessica's childhood;

This is going to be brutal; one OLTL's patented teeth kicking scenes, I'm sure.

Evangeline challenges Todd not to give up the fight to prove his innocence and expose Spencer's scheme.

Evangeline has supported Todd more consistently than Blair ever did.  Can we shake up these couples already?  Please?



Monday, March 20
Sonny tells Emily he loves her;

I am so pleased to hear this!  (Because everyone Sonny loves is in mortal danger).

Nikolas announces to Alexis and Elizabeth that Jax and Carly are sleeping together;

And what would we do if Alexis and Elizabeth were unable to learn that vital information?

Jax refuses to call off the restraining order;

Since Nikolas is getting more and more psychotic (not to mention evidently just walking into their living quarters), who can blame him?

Robin realizes she jumped to the wrong conclusion;

If her conclusion involved Robert at all, I could be very pleased.  But it doesn't.

Robin sees Patrick dancing with Carly.

What?  Nikolas didn't let her know that they were dancing?

Tuesday, March 21
Sonny confides the truth about Sam and Alexis to Emily;

He kept that secret for what, all of 27 seconds?

Sonny continues to lie to Jason;

There's no way that's a good thing.  When a woman causes you to start lying to your best friend, your heterosexual (for the most part) lifemate, that's a sign of trouble.

Patrick forces Robin to apologize;

Ha!  Good for her!

Carly leaves Patrick;

What, on the curb?

Luke tries to tempt Skye into rekindling their relationship.

Ha!  Not with Lorenzo on the line and a bun in the oven.  I just feel bad for Lorenzo ALWAYS getting the sloppy seconds.

Wednesday, March 22
Jax and Carly hold John for the first time;

I hope Sonny doesn't run in and shoot Carly in the head as soon as she gets ahold of the kid.

Jason tends to a problem with Michael when Sonny vanishes;

Doesn't he always step in for that family when a parent disappears?

Jason makes business decisions;

Good God, does he have to shake it off for Sonny too?

Lulu finds the letters Diego sent Georgie;

Ruh roah.

Patrick cannot find Noah;

Ask Nikolas, he knows what everyone is doing.

Lainey encounters racist Frank.

I would care deeply about this if I cared deeply about Lainey.  *sigh*  I don't.

Thursday, March 23
Tracy threatens to sell the ship;

There's a ship?  Surely she doesn't have selling dibs on the Haunted Star!

The guests begin arriving for Luke's party;

Luke's parties are always a hoot.  What are we celebrating?

Lulu confronts Georgie with Diego's letter;

I'll bet Nikolas told her about the letters.

Diego hides in the closet as Dillon pulls Georgie into a kiss;

Something icky there.

Patrick's behavior dismays Robin.

It's the armpit farts, isn't it?  I'm thinking Nikolas told her they were dishonoring Courtney's memory.

Friday,  March 24
Jason sees Emily and Sonny together;

I hope he's packing heat at the time.

Sam becomes angry when Ric speaks to her about Alexis;

Yeah, that happened the past 127 weeks in a row, so, like, no big surprise.  That's like saying, "Sonny was morose."

Jax and Carly act on their feelings for each other;

Blonde on blonde, huh?  I hope the sheets are dark so they don't disappear.  Does Nikolas stick his head in the door and say, "I'm tellll-lllinnnn!?"

Robin tries to do the right thing regarding Noah and Patrick;

If you know both Noah and Patrick, the right thing involves some Barry White music, a bottle of Crisco oil, a Twister game and a chicken.

Lucky and Elizabeth enjoy their night out.

As long as she doesn't hop up on the bar and dance again, I'm a happy boy too.

Stay Cool Everyone,

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