June 19, 2006

If these are my last few moments on -- under this earth, I leave my last will and testament. I bequeath to the vile citizens of Pine Valley -- to Erica, eternal torment and hatred from your son, Josh. Kendall, who I cared for so much, may you be forever torn between two foolish men. Hayward, in your search for Katie, Dixie’s child, may you always come up empty-handed and be forever a fool in Dixie’s eyes. And, Dixie -- I hope every face you see as you walk this earth is the face of your abandoned child, Kate. And to you, Tad, I will the same thing. And to the Martins -- may you never know the love of my son Josh, your blood son, and also all the Martins, never, ever forgive Dixie for abandoning Tad’s daughter, Kate. And finally, one last condemnation -- hell here on earth. Forever and ever. Amen. 

                                                     Greg Madden 

Buried alive and still articulate, that’s quite an impressive feat. Credit goes to the dialogue writers for composing such a vitriolic monologue and to Ian Buchannan for delivering it perfectly. 

The sad thing is that I find myself agreeing with much of what Greg had to say. Still sadder is that those PV residents are already living a hell here on earth, they are just too self absorbed to realize it. For the most part, each of them is in a hell of their own making. This can happen in real life, too. Fortunately for real people, we have the ability to escape from a self-created hell. I fear these AMC characters will remain in hell as long as AMC remains plot, not character, driven.   

(At this point I could rag on Megan McTavish again, but is there any point to rehashing what I have said before? Doesn’t watching AMC more than meet our daily rehashing quota?) 

The saddest thing about Greg’s diatribe? I am in agreement about Kendall being caught between two foolish men. Ryan being characterized as foolish makes sense. However, it is painful to admit that Zach, too, is fairly foolish these days. I can take Zach being a fool for love, but I cannot take Zach being a fool for DixieBitch. It is painfully frustrating to watch. Luckily DixieBitch has two legs, one each for Zach and David to hump. 

I feel no inclination to hump DixieBitch’s leg, however I do want to give her a slap so powerful that it makes her head spin. Literally. I thought my loathing for her had been maxed out. I was wrong. My loathing level shot up when DixieBitch made me fell almost sorry for Babe. It is a rare occasion when Babe does the right thing. Testifying against JR was the right decision, no matter how difficult. What did DixieBitch do? Manipulated Babe into committing perjury. Not just manipulated but browbeat Babe into doing her will. (I guess DixieBitch’s pheromones have no effect on women.) She even played the “ JR could die in prison” card. Wasn’t it DixieBitch who pressured JR into taking responsibility for what he had done? Clearly DixieBitch wanted JR to take responsibility so that she could believe she raised a “fine young man.”  As usual it was all about DixieBitch’s egotistical needs.  Those needs are a powerful force. So powerful that Babe, a master manipulator herself, was made powerless in their presence. 

Babe perjured herself and JR was released. This led me to consider the possibility that maybe the accident really wasn’t JR’s fault at all. Finally it dawned on me who was really responsible for Kendall and Spike almost dying: It was Bianca! 

How did I reach that conclusion?  It all starts with Bianca’s ridiculous “Babe is Love” speech.  Without that speech the plea bargain would have been tossed out. It is likely that Babe, just like her Momma, would have had to serve some prison time. Prison time that would have kept her away from JR. For both JR and Babe that would have been a good thing. They, and Lil’A, would have gotten a break from their toxic relationship. Without that break it was inevitable that one would try to murder the other; JR just got there first. Kendall and Spike became the unwitting victims. As I said, it was all Bianca’s fault! 

Everyone thinks Binks cares about her family more than anything; but is that really true? Kendall is in love and trying to be as happily married as she can be. Can Bianca just let that be? Of course not, Binks has to encourage Ryan to rethink his decision about keeping his love for Kendall a secret. What can be gained from that except allowing Bianca to retain her position as Pine Valley’s Saint of Unjudgmental Thinking? 

Everyone knows JR caused the accident. All of Kendall’s friends and family are furious with Babe for lying on the stand. That is everyone but Bianca. Kendall’s near death became irrelevant as Bianca rushed to Babe’s side.  Why? Not to condemn Babe for lying but to make sure she was OK.  Was it Bianca’s need to remain a saint that motivated her or her enormous girl crush on Babe? Who knows? All I know is I was happy to see Binks leave town. 

One character I want to see stay in town is Jeff Martin. He is an adult making him quite the anomaly in Pine Valley.  He roundly chastised the young’uns even though two of them were Martins. He is making his own decision about Josh. He disagrees with Erica, not to punish her, but because, well, he disagrees with her. (How dare he?) Jeff is the only one who genuinely seems to care about Josh. Erica says she wants what’s best for Josh, which translated from Erica-speak mean what is best for her. Joe cannot see beyond wanting to add to the Martin clan. Jeff is the only one who wants what is best for Josh. That could change, of course. Any day now, Jeff could remember he is a Martin and start acting like one. 

AMC gets major points for hiring John James. From his first scene, he was Jeff Martin. Let’s hope the writing continues to support what Mr. James can bring to the role. While he was great on ATWT, I think he could be even better on AMC. 

I have now said two good things about AMC. Yikes. Time to head to shorter thoughts: 

Has anyone on AMC ever looked more luscious than Bianca did in that black off-the-shoulder sweater? 

Watching Ian Buchanan these days is so much fun, I don’t care which character or characters is/are responsible for Greg-in-a-box.  

It is hard to care about the women at Fusion when they act like the twelve year old girls at Fusion. (Apologies given to 12 year old girls everywhere. I am sure all of you behave better, how could you not?) 

Erin chastising Babe for protecting the dangerous JR was pretty funny. I guess Erin forgot about hiding the very dangerous Jonathan in a closet. Maybe Erin thinks that what happens in Nova Scotia stays in Nova Scotia? 

Amanda was really sweet with Lily. She was also really sweet with Josh. Amanda may be the only likeable person,save Myrtle, in PV, is that why she has no storyline?  

JR and Babe were less than sweet with Kendall. I am growing tired of the guilty parties in PV acting like they are the victims. The entitled victims. 

Wouldn’t it be great if the nametag on the incubator was changed from “Spike” to “Erica Kane’s grandchild”? 

Ruth and the Martin coffee cake got a mention. Is it too much to ask for an actual Ruth scene? Failing that, can we at least get the coffee cake recipe? 

“We all have our secrets; some of them are quite fascinating.”  Jeff developed quite a wry sense of humor while gone, didn’t he? 

“Did Zach ever serve prison time for what he did?”  Tell me, Babe, how is the relevant? Unlike you, Kendall did not commit perjury to keep her man out of jail.  

“Lord, save me from Testosterone.”   I agree Julia, anything that keeps me from seeing you being “sexy” works for me. 

“Are you saying there is still an us? Because you have been pretty clear since I tried to kill you.”   Lines like this keep me watching soaps. (Spell Check wanted to change “an us” to anus, which amused me far too much.)  

“You’re throwing me out? You’re as bad as your brother.”  Tad took another step towards redemption when he tossed Erica and her narcissism out the door.  

“I spent years in the bush.”  Ahh, Jeff, I was glad to hear your sex life didn’t end when you left PV. 

Here’s to another week in the Valley!