January 14, 2008
 

One year of deaths, paternity drama, and Everyday Heroes has come and gone, yet I’m left with a number of lingering questions from 2007: 

• Did Monica give Dr. Ford a run for his money for the chief of staff position?  I really can’t imagine that a brand new candidate would have won over her.  Perhaps he uncovered some of her past transgressions and used them as blackmail.
• Who put the bomb on Jason’s speedboat?  And who knew that Jason had a speedboat?  He never seemed like the sailing type to me before.  I admit, I thought he might melt if he touched water while covered in that hair gel.
• What happened to Eli Love?  Has he recovered and Noah’s back to rounds with a small gig at the Outback from time to time?
• Other than that one shootout with Logan, how has Coop being a spy for the mob affected storylines in any way? 
• Who gave Dylan Cash the hair gel from Steve Burton’s dressing room?
• Did Nikolas kiss Alexis to cure her cancer, too?
• Does anyone care that Scotty Baldwin killed Rick Webber?
• Is Father Ruiz doing well with the youth ministries at the church with Father Hot Priest?
• Does anyone still suspect that Tracy changed Alan’s will or are they too busy wondering what was in Emily’s will instead?
• How and why is Nadine a permanent resident of PC?  I’m not complaining; I just thought she was only visiting her comatose sister.
• Will Lucky find out that Lulu knew Jake is Jason’s?
• Does no one want to turn Jerry in now that he can’t blackmail Emily?
• And then there was the horrible mishmash of Night Shift’s characters with GH, creating dropped storylines galore!   Is Kelly still a sex addict in recovery?  Has she hooked up with Andy, the doctor with a tendency to self-dose oxygen before a shift?  I’m not sure if I’ve seen Lainey in months. 

If you know the answers to any of these, I hesitate to say ‘loose’ as it’s more like ‘free-falling,’ ends, please let me know.  Sudsy knows, I won’t find out otherwise.   

Now, a whole lot has happened in the past week.  Both an African-American and a woman won presidential primaries and caucuses, sure, but I’m talking about something bigger than that.  It was a moment that many of us had been waiting for with bated breath and earplugs. Yes, darling readers, I’m talking about the moment when Carly’s head imploded.  A quick recounting of events:

• Sam hardly contains her glee as she tells Carly that Jake is spawn of Jason, spurred on by a challenge from Liz to do her worst.  Many of us wish Elizabeth had dared us instead, for the sheer privilege of sharing the good news.
• Carly slowly sinks into understanding as every word Sam says chinks away at her faith in Jason, and therefore, her world.
• Carly goes for indisputable proof and beelines to Liz’s for a quick scan of Jake.  Upon seeing his baby blues, she then proceeds to use Liz as a punching bag for her hurt feelings.  Thus begins her long line of spoken hypocrisies.  Carly accuses Liz of using a baby to trap Jason, trashing her marriage by sleeping with someone else, calling Liz pathetic, forcing Jason not to claim his child, etcetera, etcetera. etcetera.  Is this the pot calling the kettle black?  No, it’s more like someone’s crazy-ass BFF needs another stay at Rose Lawn.       
• Sam does some quick talking to stay on Lucky’s good side.  Is she still playing him or has she fallen prey to his model good lucks?
• Carly heads to Jason to search for some reassurances and finds none, though Jason does choke back a tear or two.  She can’t even keep the same train of thought from one second to the next but pushes the line by insulting Liz.  Her world continues crumbling to pieces as Jason lists the people who know about Jake before her, which I believe includes Cassius, the new orderly.   Carly’s place in Jason’s life has never been secure but now she knows it, too.
• Trying to do damage control on her own well-being, she heads back to Liz’s house for more hypocritical taunting.  She proceeds to accuse Liz of using a man to prop herself up.  The Gourmez continues jotting done these lines to use as evidence supporting Carly’s next breakdown.
• She finally heads to Sonny to complain because her weekly ranting quota hasn’t quite been filled.  Sonny blasts Carly a new one, explaining how it is none of her business. Jason comes in and yells at her to leave it alone.  And the poor, maligned, Carly-haters of the fandom rejoice.  Blue cigars for everyone!

Moving on to less monumental events, Anthony Zacharra is back and just as crazy as ever.  What can I say?  I like the loony old geezer.  Perhaps he can hook up with Helena and they can rum rampant with axes every sweeps period. 

Liz and Sam are such fun sparring partners.  They seem to enjoy the repartee and Sam is in the perfect position to further Liz’s doubts about her relationship with Jason.  She’s been Jason’s girl and in full view of his enemies, suffering damages because of it.  This history gives her the exact right buttons to push Liz’s fears.  Yet the power of a booty call with Jason cannot be denied as it is proving itself a far stronger force than that fear.           

I’m so glad they aren’t dropping Michael’s fascination with the mob life.  After a decade, it’s very rewarding to see that the effects of being raised around violence and power-hungry adults are being addressed.  I’m amazed that Jason’s completely taking it to heart.  It’s so satisfying to see his resolve not to claim Jake harden as he watches what has happened to the child he reared so many years ago. 

It’s a darn shame that Skye is leaving just when a possibly hot coupling with Ric was in store.  I can’t blame Robin Christopher for leaving; Skye was an underused character whom the writer lost interest in.  Here’s hoping Skye Chandler Quartermaine lives on in another form.   

Does anyone else want more of Clarice?  I’m dying to see her at a girls’ night out, talking trash about Kate and admitting she wears one of her dresses out from time to time.   

Oh, yeah, and a likeable extra walked into General Hospital with dynamite strapped to his waist.  Is it sweeps already?   

Next week, I’m baking some hearty granola bars to get the hostages at GH through this newest crisis.  Monica’s requested that I blend bourbon into her mix.  I’ll have to smuggle some over to Lulu, however, but that shouldn’t be too hard—apparently, the catacombs under Port Charles lead right to the monastery!  If anyone escaping bumps into Frisco, please let him know that his daughter is dead.  You know, the one he’s never seen.

The Gourmez