March 16, 2007  

All the new faces in Port Charles these past few weeks have inspired  us to create a tapas menu for your viewing pleasure.  Try a sample of our bitter dolmades a la Dr. Ford or perhaps a tuna and tv reporter crostinióit melts in your mouth but has a questionable aftertaste.  Do you prefer some black market caviar?  Logan brought some by on his way back from Iraq while Cooper highly recommends the tortilla de patata when you need a quick snack while your girlfriendís house is empty.  We hope this tapas selection will liven up your appetite for romance and drama in the afternoon but canít help but wonder if one serving of Alan al forno doesnít satisfy just as well. 

Does anyone else have a premonition that this summer will feature at least one scene of Dillon, Milo, Spinelli, and Logan fantasizing over Lulu at Jakeís?  Sure, theyíre all too young for the bar, but Coleman doesnít seem to mind little details like the law.  I can see Lulu done up as Princess Lea for Spinelliís sequence.  Will he play Luke or Han Solo? 

Why does Sam need a new storyline about a watch?  Itís not like sheís whipping up a batch of cookies with Alexis on the weekends yet.  Itíd make a much better story to watch mother and daughter spend time bonding over ways to roast Ric alive or some other Cassadine delight. Having to sit through Sam being stalked by some tv reporter/Kristina Cassadine look alike makes no sense.  Oh wait, thatís why the writers are pursuing this storyline--because it makes no sense!  I nearly forgot what show I was watching. 

Alan in a sweat suit entertains me.  So does watching my hamster run in her wheel--Iím easily pleased.  Itís nice to know that we arenít quite through seeing Stuart Damon onscreen.  Really, though, the ghost of Alan Q should be thanking his sister for the rewritten will.  Leaving almost everything to Jasonís little swimmers was just sad on Alanís part.  At least Lukeís version was funny.  You have to appreciate the Wimbledon tickets for Ned with the clause to not take Monica.  Luke might have known Alan better than Alan knew himself.  And if Tracyís visions of her departed brother are proof that sheís suffering from a guilty conscience, does that mean Luke doesnít have any conscience at all? 

My husbandís taken to asking ďDoes he know yet?Ē every time he sees Lucky with Liz.  I just shake my head sadly, knowing that, when the truth comes out, itíll be harder to watch than Emily banging Sonny on a living room couch.  I know itíll be realistic if Luckyís tempted back to his pills but Iím praying that just doesnít happen.  Itís too painful to watch scruffy Addict Lucky when I know just how pretty Greg Vaughn can be. 

Itís a worse shame than marble wine bar countertops if Georgie doesnít get some play out of all the new blood thatís swept into town.  Granted, she deserves better than a black market baron or an armed hostage taker, but girl needs some screen time--as long as said screen time doesnít involve inexplicably missing English professors.  May Professor Pete forever be missing in action.  He can take up residence next to Lucas Jones and Jaxís manhood. 

Thanks for reminding me why I canít stand Carly, writers.  Once in awhile, I find myself believing that sheís matured over the past year and the loathing I feel is only as strong as that for Katherine Bell, rather than a Lily Rivera intensity of hatred.  Then she does things like try to minimize getting married and sleeping with her ex while her fiancť was out of town.  She acts likes her indiscretions are really all Jaxís faults for leaving her alone even though he left with her blessing.  According to Carly, sex should be forgiven as long as it takes place after a life and death situation.  No wonder Jax canít just get over itóPort Charles has a life and death situation twice a year, on schedule. 

Only on a soap opera can someone say with conviction, ďMaybe someone tampered with the test; it happens all the time!Ē 

Next week, dear patron, thereís the return of Mr. Craig and weíve got some chicken kiev baking in the oven for the occasion.  Itís rich and sophisticated enough for a hostage Prince whoís used to the finer things in life.  Keep your fingers crossed that Nikís new storyline will be less of a bore than the saga of kidnapped Spencer.  Thatís not asking for much.