April 1, 2007  

Top 5 Plot holes in the current Cassadine Caper

  1. Cassadines are born with a natural immunity to all poisons.  In fact, they develop new poison strains by drawing their own blood and bottling it.
  1. Alfred is a practiced eavesdropper and probable kung fu master.  By now, Mr. Craig should be immobilized and tied up in the Bat Cave.
  1. No one has asked Sonny, the wise and good mobster of Port Charles, for advice yet.
  1. Jason’s too busy gazing longingly at Elizabeth’s womb to come to the rescue.

And the #1 plot hole is…… 

  1. With neither Sonny, Jason, nor Carly involved, the storyline is doomed.

See Carly, Jax is totally attuned to your needs!  He’s just proven how much by throwing you a prom--the perfect present for a woman whose maturity level is stuck in high school.  I wish my man understood me that well.  May I suggest “Please Forgive Me” for the slow dance and that Carly should be begging Jax on her knees as it plays?  Because really, I don’t know why he’s even trying to keep her. 

If Sonny and Jason need a secret headquarters, they should use the catacombs.  Nobody’s been down there since Sonny and Brenda made sweet love while trying not to suffocate.  Maybe they can sniff around and see if Frisco’s still in hiding while they’re burying coffee shipments.  Georgie and Maxie deserve their own scenes confronting absentee dads—why do Robin and Lulu get to have all the fun? 

Do you smell something chemical in the air?  I do, and I think it’s the sparks flying off Alexis Davis and Mr. Craig.  I’m not sure that Alexis could survive another pairing with a villain but Mr. Craig is so hard to hate.  Perhaps he can become the next in a long line of GH good and bad twins.  He’d be joining the esteemed ranks of Ryan and Kevin Chamberlain, Luis and Lorenzo Alcazar, and Manny and Mateo Ruiz.  How about James and Jacob Craig? 

We already assumed Sam has used other identities and know that her past is checkered.  So why is this the focus of her new storyline?  And seriously, Sam is not an “everyday hero.”  Girlfriend can’t hold a job longer than her first paycheck cashes.  She doesn’t even visit her mother who just lost custody of her little sister and is still suffering from cancer.  What exactly is heroic about this character?  At most, she’s a “lucky she got out alive hero.”  So she jumped from a building and ran towards safety screaming about a bomb.  Somehow, I think any of the other hostages would have done the same if they had gotten out first.  At least Sam knows she doesn’t deserve the attention as her humility in interviews is rivaling that of American Idol’s Melinda Dolittle. 

If Stan is going to remain a periphery character, then why recast him for the third time?  I guess I shouldn’t complain, as I do like the newest version of Stan, populist revolutionary of the net.  I think it fits the little we know about him courtesy of his mama, Epiphany.  He’s an intelligent young man who’s capable of a whole lot more than wiring money for mobsters.  Stan’s new rhetoric fits that characterization and also leaves room for him to someday realize that the mob, in its own way, is also the “man” against which he rebels.  I’d like Sonny to be betrayed by his only staff member who doesn’t carry a gun.  Heck, I’d just like Sonny to be betrayed and actually do some time.  And then he could come back as his good twin, Santos.  

I think I’ll save myself some time next week, rent The Departed to see how the new mob storyline will play out, and take a nap during Cooper and Cruz’s scenes.  Somebody wake me when it’s over.