April 15, 2007  

Come on in and take a seat at the counter!  Mikeís got some cookies baking in the kitchen that are so good, youíll have to have one even if youíre grounded for locking your parents in the basement.  If youíre being hounded by paparazzi, you should definitely try our new garlic burger.  Take a bite, then just head over to the reporters and breathe on themótheyíll disappear in no time!  Whatís that you say?  Sounds like gunshots coming from downstairs? Youíll get used to them; this is Port Charles after all. 

Iím fairly certain that The Powers That Be have found a warehouse where you can buy shooting montages in bulk.  They just pull one out every couple of months and attach it to a Friday episode when theyíve run out of ideas.  Itís the same place they buy scenes of Carly fighting with Sonny, Lucky saying ďblah blah Our Baby blah blah,Ē and mustaches for Ric and Alcazar to twirl. 

Apparently, Luke and Tracy are physically involved these days.  Who knew?  It might have been nice to see some build-up but I guess thereís only so much room for romance on a soap opera.  I think Carly and Jax are hogging it all with his latest proposal.  Is this the third or fourth time Jax has proposed?  I really canít keep track!  And that ring was ridiculous.  I know Jax is rich but I didnít know he could afford the Hope Diamond.   

I think Cooper might end up being Maxieís big love.  Heís genuinely supportive of her and gets major bonus points for saving her from a hitman.  Cool, calm, and collected enough to hit a target within inches of your girlfriendís headóthatís sexy.  I plan to just ignore the fact that heís a former hostage taker and presently a mole for Sonny.  Itís so much nicer to just think of him as a police cadet who knows how to treat a woman right.  Iím a little weary of all the gray characters on this show.  I want to be able to actually root for a good guy once in awhile instead of having to choose between mobsters, hitmen, and nutcase district attorneys.  They have plenty of men on the canvas that could be good old-fashioned heroes but always seem to make them look like idiots instead of the dashing young men that they are.  I would be so excited if Lucky, Nikolas, and Patrick got to play suave actions heroes once in a while like Robert, Luke, and Sean used to do.  Granted, Patrick and Nikolas arenít spies or policemen, but Iím sure they could hold their own when the situation called for it.  Nikolas carried Robin out of the Metro Court like an old pro in February.  Iím sure he took a class or two on rescuing damsels in distress during his princely training. 

Iím still mulling over Dillon and Luluís date.  It seemed setup to show that they arenít on the same wavelength as Dillonís romantic movie scene did not impress Lulu at all.  Sheís too down to earth to actually romance, so Iím not sure how the other boys will make out either.  Iím hoping we donít have to watch her date with Milo because I really canít stand the character.  Pulling a gun because someone might be flirting with your crush?  If I was Lulu, Iíd never talk to Milo again.  Heís prime material for a psycho abusive boyfriend.  And heís way too young and inexperienced to be believable as Sonnyís main bodyguard.  Apologies to any Milo lovers out there, but Iím hoping heís a casualty in the next, inevitable, mob shootout.  If heís lucky, heíll even be featured in a montage.  As for Spinelli, I donít want him with Lulu for his own sake.  He needs a woman who can appreciate his quirkiness and I volunteer Georgie for the job.   

So we know that Mr. Monroe at least attacked Sam at some point and that Amelia is likely to be his daughter.  Even if Sam killed him, I donít know why sheíd feel like she had to keep it from Jason so Iím not buying that a death is all that went down.  Itís hard to imagine what heinous crime she could have committed that would repulse Jason.  Did she wear Mr. Monroeís leather jacket out in the rain one day and then forget to treat it for water damage?   

Thank you for your patronage.  Be sure to come back next week and grab a cup of coffee.  Youíll need it to make it through another weekís worth of secret glances between Elizabeth and Jason.