May 21, 2008

Party of one?  Right this way please.  For dessert, we’re offering a classic that’s been revamped a bit, called Betrayal Soufflé.  It’s made with bittersweet chocolate, egg whites, and Godiva liquor.  All it takes is one bite for the whole thing to collapse in on itself.  I hear Kate Howard’s been seen nibbling on one recently. 

Poor, poor naïve Kate.  She’s still trying to speak to Sonny logically about her motivations and how revenge on others won’t solve anything. Sadly, she does not realize that logic has never been Sonny’s strong suit.  He much prefers lashing out in anger—it’s easier to act on than reasoned reaction.  I hope she has a heart to heart with herself soon and grasps how being Sonny’s woman has cost her more than a million dollars.  Every one of his flings eventually sees the hard cold facts of his life.  I would have thought a bullet to the chest was warning enough for a smart girl like Kate but I guess I was wrong. 

Yes, ladies and gentleman, the writers actually had Mac utter the term ‘preemptive strike.’ 

What I learned this week from General Hospital:  Old people (you know, anyone over 45) can only have fun if they are stone drunk.  If they can’t bury their sorrows in liquor or nonstop adventure, then they become destitute and pathetic.  And also, they are all scared of being grandparents, likely because they’ve previously abandoned their own children.  I guess I should rethink my trip to find that Aztec princess now.  If I go, I’m probably only cursing myself with liver damage a decade and a half from now.   

I am completely sick of Claudia.  She had some potential but, well, she’s a mobster.  Anything interesting about those types usually fizzles within a month of their introduction.  See Lansing, Trevor for an example.  It doesn’t help that the woman is onscreen every second of the day.  She reminds me of a bee just buzzing around even though no one wants to give her any pollen.  I especially thought her rant to Kate about how supposedly inappropriate it was to support Sonny and see Michael was ridiculous.  You want to talk inappropriate Claudia?  How about visiting the kid that you got shot the same day it happened?  At least Kate has ties to the family and you know, didn’t try and kill his father. 

The demise of Dr. Death made me quite sad.  I’d have preferred that he simply disappeared, lurking always in the shadows of Port Charles like Helena and Cesar Faison.  He could have returned someday to spike Sonny’s lithium. 

There were a few moments that choked me up emotionally this week.  No tears but I did feel for the characters.  Specifically, when Morgan kept repeating, “Wake up, Michael, wake up,” and when Sonny asked Mike to come with him to check out the long-term care facility.  However, any empathy will fade quickly if no substantial turn from mob life occurs.  Which of course means my empathy will fade quickly. 

So Diane can publicly proclaim that Jerry was the one who blew up the MetroCourt yet no one still turns him in?  I don’t understand why that man is walking around town with no fear.  Emily was his blackmail trump card and she’s been out of the picture for awhile now.  What’s holding people back now?   

What is this “Carly has strong/great instincts” line we keep being fed?  I think Georgie said it first during the Black and White Ball, when by the way, her instincts were proven wrong as she thought Cooper was the Text Message Killer (cue villainous music).  Is this supposed to be a compliment of some sort?  I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Carly’s instincts prove correct.  Anyone? 

Johnny and Lulu may have been dusted with some magical chemistry powder while I wasn’t looking.  Being as I’ve hardly been able to sit through Lulu scenes for months now, that’s entirely possible.  I did see some sparks during their various liplocks and I wouldn’t mind seeing more. 

Why on earth did they SORAS Spencer?   

Let’s pause for a moment to reflect on the absurdity of Ric “I’ve got a pregnant woman locked up in my panic room” Lansing being the least insane of the psychos running around town.  Perhaps he invited Jerry and Anthony to Port Charles just so he would look better by comparison. 

Times ‘Bitch’ was used by a character since my last column:  3.  What, only 3?  You all were as surprised as I was as no one came close to guessing such a low number.  If you add-in  ‘whore,’ though, then either word was uttered on seven occasions, making Lindsay31 the winner!  I think I will count both words in my ongoing tally because really, either’s as offensive as the other when used with such regularity.    

Next week we are offering a special fondue menu, perfect for trying out new or old sauces you haven’t *ahem* dipped into for awhile.  Just cook those sirloin slices in hot oil for 5 minutes then try out whichever sauce you’d prefer.  Will the new flavors be as tempting as your old delights by the time you’ve taken that last bite?  

The Gourmez