June 3, 2007
This week, I’m working from
Sonnybucks, perfecting my barista skills. Elizabeth Spencer’s been stopping
by daily to help me get the decaf iced latte just right. I never knew it
was so difficult to get the perfect blend of ice, milk, and espresso but she
keeps saying it’s “not there yet” and volunteering to come by tomorrow so I
can try again.
Amelia continue to act like
she’s Sam’s best friend forever. In my last column, I mentioned that I
actually felt sorry for Sam that her only friend is really just a cobra
waiting for the right moment to strike. This week, I’m firmly rooting for
Amelia to get her revenge. It seems that the writers are intent on making
me hate Sam and I’m all too happy to comply. She went about a month without
doing something idiotic and then, lo and behold, she decides to fixate on
Baby Jacob. Her and Spinelli are neck in neck for the title of “Most Likely
to Kidnap Stone Cold Jr.” I get that Sam’s in mourning for her lost
fertility but could she buy a fertility statue from Africa instead? It’d be
more likely to work than using a surrogate behind Jason’s back. Perhaps she
could speak to Bobbie for tips on how to adopt a baby from the black
market. Lucas turned out all right, except for his invisibility issues.
And seriously, if Sam doesn’t think her relationship with Jason can make it
without a child in the mix, then, well, they aren’t going to make it. No
child should be born to save its parents’ relationship. They should be
conceived only out of love or faulty condom manufacturing.
When Lucky and Liz are having
scenes together as a family, they positively glow. If only I didn’t know
that Jacob is really Jason’s child, these two would be my couple to root for
in thick and thin. As it is, I really just need Liz to spill the secret
ASAP if I’m ever going to want her near Lucky again. She might have
originally been lying to him to help his recovery but now she’s just using
him to provide a stable family life for her children. That’s not a
reprehensible goal, granted, but she also wants Lucky to shirk his police
officer duties and ignore Jason’s illegal activities, which are many.
That’s wrong if solely because Lucky’s so darn hot when he’s arresting
someone.
Spinelli is impressed that
Jason can still kill people while dealing with his “secret pain?” That boy’s
stock just keeps dropping. Someone needs to steal him out of the mob orbit
immediately! Georgie, perhaps? Please? She could definitely teach him a
thing or two about morality and they’d be so cute in their mutual geekiness.
It’s just not fair that Lulu and Maxie are getting all the young men of Port
Charles.
When Lulu or Lucky have a
child, is little Leslie Jr. going to have to sit on Grandpa’s knee to hear
the tale of when he raped her grandmother?
It was nice to see Monica get a
grieving scene. I think it might have been her second one since Alan
died—anybody else think that’s a crying shame? I know she’s been
backburnered forever but it continues to strike me as an injustice that we
don’t get to see the history of General Hospital be honored like it should
be. Monica and Alan were together for 30 years, on and off, and I feel
swindled out of seeing her process her grief in favor of watching Jerry Jax
stuff his face with whatever food item is on hand. Perhaps the munchies are
an after-effect of brainwashing?
It better be brainwashing
because the backstory we have for Jerry’s descent into psychopathic snacking
is ridiculously boring, not to mention a blatant ripoff of both the recent
James Bond film and Alcazar’s own past love, as many in the online community
have pointed out. No, Jerry better have been brainwashed by Helena or the
DVX. I am unwilling to accept any other reason as an excuse for him to have
turned to the dark side. Heck, I think I get brownie points just for being
willing to consider there’s a good reason at all.
I like Kate’s hair when it’s
wavy. That’s the extent of my opinion on Kate. Also, has Dillon been
giving Jax tips on how to get the most height out of a hairstyle before
gravity forces it to collapse?
I’m going to give that iced
latte one more try before I throw in the towel. Until next week, may your
viewing menu be full of romance, laughter, and above all, dramatic
revelations of paternity. A girl can dream, can’t she?
The
Gourmez
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