June 3, 2007  

This week, Iím working from Sonnybucks, perfecting my barista skills.  Elizabeth Spencerís been stopping by daily to help me get the decaf iced latte just right.  I never knew it was so difficult to get the perfect blend of ice, milk, and espresso but she keeps saying itís ďnot there yetĒ and volunteering to come by tomorrow so I can try again. 

Amelia continue to act like sheís Samís best friend forever.  In my last column, I mentioned that I actually felt sorry for Sam that her only friend is really just a cobra waiting for the right moment to strike.  This week, Iím firmly rooting for Amelia to get her revenge.  It seems that the writers are intent on making me hate Sam and Iím all too happy to comply.  She went about a month without doing something idiotic and then, lo and behold, she decides to fixate on Baby Jacob.  Her and Spinelli are neck in neck for the title of ďMost Likely to Kidnap Stone Cold Jr.Ē I get that Samís in mourning for her lost fertility but could she buy a fertility statue from Africa instead?  Itíd be more likely to work than using a surrogate behind Jasonís back.  Perhaps she could speak to Bobbie for tips on how to adopt a baby from the black market.  Lucas turned out all right, except for his invisibility issues.  And seriously, if Sam doesnít think her relationship with Jason can make it without a child in the mix, then, well, they arenít going to make it. No child should be born to save its parentsí relationship.  They should be conceived only out of love or faulty condom manufacturing. 

When Lucky and Liz are having scenes together as a family, they positively glow.  If only I didnít know that Jacob is really Jasonís child, these two would be my couple to root for in thick and thin.  As it is, I really just need Liz to spill the secret ASAP if Iím ever going to want her near Lucky again.  She might have originally been lying to him to help his recovery but now sheís just using him to provide a stable family life for her children.  Thatís not a reprehensible goal, granted, but she also wants Lucky to shirk his police officer duties and ignore Jasonís illegal activities, which are many.  Thatís wrong if solely because Luckyís so darn hot when heís arresting someone. 

Spinelli is impressed that Jason can still kill people while dealing with his ďsecret pain?Ē That boyís stock just keeps dropping.  Someone needs to steal him out of the mob orbit immediately!  Georgie, perhaps?  Please?  She could definitely teach him a thing or two about morality and theyíd be so cute in their mutual geekiness. Itís just not fair that Lulu and Maxie are getting all the young men of Port Charles.   

When Lulu or Lucky have a child, is little Leslie Jr.  going to have to sit on Grandpaís knee to hear the tale of when he raped her grandmother? 

It was nice to see Monica get a grieving scene.  I think it might have been her second one since Alan diedóanybody else think thatís a crying shame?  I know sheís been backburnered forever but it continues to strike me as an injustice that we donít get to see the history of General Hospital be honored like it should be.  Monica and Alan were together for 30 years, on and off, and I feel swindled out of seeing her process her grief in favor of watching Jerry Jax stuff his face with whatever food item is on hand.  Perhaps the munchies are an after-effect of brainwashing? 

It better be brainwashing because the backstory we have for Jerryís descent into psychopathic snacking is ridiculously boring, not to mention a blatant ripoff of both the recent James Bond film and Alcazarís own past love, as many in the online community have pointed out.  No, Jerry better have been brainwashed by Helena or the DVX.  I am unwilling to accept any other reason as an excuse for him to have turned to the dark side.  Heck, I think I get brownie points just for being willing to consider thereís a good reason at all. 

I like Kateís hair when itís wavy.  Thatís the extent of my opinion on Kate.  Also, has Dillon been giving Jax tips on how to get the most height out of a hairstyle before gravity forces it to collapse? 

Iím going to give that iced latte one more try before I throw in the towel.  Until next week, may your viewing menu be full of romance, laughter, and above all, dramatic revelations of paternity.  A girl can dream, canít she?

The Gourmez