July 3, 2007  

Welcome, welcome!  This week, Iím frying up some basic sustenance to help us make it through another week of kidnapped baby drama.  Iíve got a grilled cheese sandwich melting, made with fresh, ripe tomatoes, zesty provolone, and served between two buttery slices of San Francisco sourdough.  Itís the perfect comfort food to see you through endless scenes of Lucky raging, Liz whining, and Jason basking in the glow of sainthood. 

Liz reminds me a lot of myself during college.  You see, there was this boy.  He was sexy and mysterious and I fixated on him.  He was endlessly appealing, especially without hair gel.  I would just happen to show up at the same places he would, hoping for a random bump or a quick snatch of conversation.  In short, I was pathetic.  For months.  Many, many months.  In the end, I finally realized that he wasnít worth all my mooning.  I donít think Liz is there yet and I fear itís going to take a bullet in the shower until she wakes up to the reality of Jason, her mobster hero. 

If our showís writers are so intent on having Jason be the superhero of every storyline, then they really need to follow it through and make him go legit.  Having him rescue Jacob isnít interesting; itís expected.  If they truly want a ďhugeĒ event where ďPort Charles will never be the same!Ē then why not have Jason convicted of Alcazarís murder?  That would be shocking!  Insane!  Then he could do a little time, get out on good behavior, and realize that his investigative skills would be put to better use as a private eye rather than someone who hunts down the lowlifes just because they donít like Sonnyís special blend. 

Itís really bizarre that Sonny doesnít give a ratís ass about Jasonís murder charge.  Didnít he get the memo that Ric sent to everyone else?  ďDear Port Charles citizens, Iíve really got Jason this time!  My evidence is rock solid; Jasonís gonna pay for stealing Sonnyís affection---oops, I meant murdering Lorenzo Alcazar.  Really, heís never getting out of this one!  Sincerely, DA Lansing.Ē Instead of giving Jason any support, Sonnyís insisting that he out himself as Jacobís father.  Itís almost farcicalówhat good are parental rights if youíre rotting away in a jail cell? 

Nikolas is definitely tapping into his secret stash of Cassadine crazy when it comes to Jerry Jacks.  Why else would he have thought Jerry was behind Jacobís kidnapping?  Jerryís shown no interest in the Spencers.  Iím hoping this sets up a long-term animosity between the Cassadines and Jackses.  So far, Jax kidnapped Nikís son, Jerry held him hostage, and Emily is being blackmailed in order to stop the elite of PC from turning Jerry in.    The Cassadine/Spencer feud is nearly buried; itís time for a new generation of Cassadine revenge.  Just think of the drama if Alexis gets involved with Jerry!  Sheís already great friends with Jax.  I smell a Cassadine banishment in her future. 

I came perilously close to throwing something at my TV when Jax and Carly watched the news report on Jacobís kidnapping.  Carly remembered how awful it was when her own children were kidnappedótoo bad that didnít stop her from stealing Spencer Cassadine barely a year ago.  Pot, meet Kettle?   

Maxie and Loganís bet is ridiculous.  Its only purpose is to make Maxie seem like a prostitute.  The storyline would be so much more interesting if Logan and Lulu could just bond organically.  This show has such little romance as it is; why ruin the possibilities of Logan and Lulu by clouding their soon-to-be relationship with a sex bet?   

On the same note, it should be a crime to waste Greg Vaughnís devastatingly good looks by making Lucky into an asshole.  He should be wining and dining every female to cross his path, not attacking his wifeís parenting skills just so we donít feel bad when she leaves him for Jason.  I want to fantasize about him showering me with flowers and candy, not post-partum depression pamphlets. 

I loved Edwardsí dialogue while scheming to get Tracy committed.  ELQ did make quite a significant donation to Roselawn, all wrapped up in a strait jacket and topped with a bow! 

I do believe that Sam has finally found her calling and itís not as the star of Everyday Heroes.  Sheís destined to be the Drunken Truth Teller of Port Charles.  I actually cheered her on for the first time ever when she was telling Carly off in the MetroCourt bar.  Her words were music to my ears.  Letís keep that girl rolling in tequila!  Iím taking up a collection to pay her tab. 

This week, Iím planning to catch some new rock starís show at Lukeís old club.  After a couple glasses of Syrah and perhaps a cheese plate and baguette, I might not even need to squint to see his resemblance to a certain neurosurgeon.  I hear Eli Loveís also caught the eye of a government organizationóperhaps I should save Anna a seat at the bar? 

The Gourmez