July 16, 2008

The news is out!  It will be an Italian feast for Kate Howard’s reception.  Do you think I can get the catering contract with a delicate prosciutto-flecked gnocchi or would the “retired” mobster prefer a simple spaghetti with marinara?  So little time, so much recipe testing! 

This week’s Pearl of Wisdom comes from none other than Carly Jacks!  In her words, “It’s perfectly okay to cheat on your husband as long as you’ve cheated with the same man before.  It doesn’t count if you’ve done it already; that’s just a redo!  But kissing lips that have never touched yours, well, that’s unforgivable. Until I do it, then I’m sure I’ll figure out why that’s okay, too.  But only for me.  Or Sonny.  Or Jason.  Or me with Sonny and Jason.  Bye now! 

Does Carly even make sense to herself anymore?  For a few brief moments over the past three years since her mental breakdown, I thought that she had, maybe, just maybe, matured a little.  Well, if she had, then she’s regressed back into a larval state and it’s not entertaining.  It’s like the past 10 years of my life are on a loop and everywhere I turn, Carly’s yapping to Jason with her hands on her hips and a pout on her face. 

May I just take this moment to share with you that the funeral of Jesse Helms made me miss the return of Noah Drake.  What the frak?  Okay, okay, I live in North Carolina, but still, I don’t remember the death of congressmen interrupting my soaps when I lived in California.  And also, apparently Lulu killed Logan.  At least I think that’s what all the shrieking is about.  

I did not add any points to my tally of “bitch” or “whore” this week but Anthony called Claudia a tramp or slut at least 5 times while she revealed to us that Trevor had taken advantage of her as a teenager.  That’s right, Anthony, she was taken advantage of, even if she was a willing participant.  Sixteen does not consent make, especially when one partner is much older and well, skeevier.  Was Trevor sleeping with his boss’ daughter around the same time he started his affair with Kate?  He definitely likes them young. 

Back to Anthony, I cannot relate how sad it makes me when he’s playing the role of the abusive, misogynistic father to Claudia.  It takes away all my joy at the campiness of Bruce Weitz’ performance!  I can’t even grin at his pronunciation of LooLoo when he’s just been telling his daughter what a slut she is for sleeping with his attorney when she was an adolescent.  Who else wants to pick Claudia up and ship her off to a group support home for women who are sexually abused and strangely obsessed with their brothers?  I don’t find her storyline or any presently surrounding the Zaccharas to be good soapy fun, just uncomfortably sick.  Somehow the Cassadine dysfunction always comes off a little less repulsively.  Maybe because Helena’s always wearing shiny jewelry to distract me.  Ooh, sparkly.  Who cares if it can freeze the world? 

I have no idea why people (LooLoo) are still acting as though there’s anything between Claudia and Nikolas.  I think they’ve talked once since she miraculously healed from her stabbing.  Sure, there was flirtation involved but really, not much of a cause for concern.  But then, Lulu’s not exactly the brightest bulb lately.  Case in point, how she reacted to seeing Logan beat up Maxie.  First of all, she answered her cell phone when he called.  Zoinks, Scooby, I think I saw a numbskull!  And then she follows that up by trying to call the girl who’s just been knocked out rather than the police or an ambulance.  Then, once the deed of self-defense has been done, she agrees to a cover-up, even though it’s obvious he knocked down the door and Maxie could corroborate that he was in a violent rage.  They are called Spencer genes, girl, use them! 

On the romance beat, there were sparks galore this week!  If I doubted that Spinelli and Maxie could actually be a couple, I’m sold now.  I must admit, I can also still see the energy flow between Robin and Jason.  She does have more chemistry with Patrick presently but if this parental rights storyline doesn’t end soon, then I’ll be ready for something new for Dr. Wee One.  I think the court case may be the climax of the storyline but at this point, ending it outright would be a mercy killing. 

I’m always impressed when there’s an outfit wretched enough that even I can tell it’s a fashion faux pas. Carly’s white, green and black backless dress is definitely one of those.  From the front, I could almost delude myself into thinking it was a normal, even stylish dress.  One look at that sports bra-like back, though, and the charade was up.  Dear Wardrobe Department, we want to fantasize about wearing these clothes, not dousing them with lighter fluid and throwing a match. 

Next week’s specials will include a deconstructed borscht with wedges of dark rye bread layered with cabbage steeped in beef broth, fried onions and potatoes, and topped with a thick slice of roasted beet.  I hope you enjoy it as much as the newest visitor to town will! 

The Gourmez