November 6, 2007  

I was nearly ecstatic when the opening for each day’s sweeps episode switched to voiceovers.  I dreaded the possibility of having two sweeps in a row lead out with Nikolas in shambles everyday.  The Black and White Ball of Doom is much more interesting for me than the hostage crisis, I must admit.  Reason #1:  Pretty Gowns.  Reason #2:  My love of B horror flicks.  Now if only Ash from Evil Dead could burst on the scene with his boomstick, I would be satisfied.  I could definitely see Sonny asking Kate to “give me some sugar, baby.” 

A million commentators have already weighed in on the travesty of a ball honoring Alan Quartermaine, without, oh, any Quartermaines in attendance.  But I’m just going to have to make that a million and one.  Seriously, only Emily’s there to represent?  That’s ridiculous.  What harm would it be to have a few Quartermaines lounging in the background, placing bets on who bites it next?  Ghost Alan would blend in perfectly in a gothic mansion.  He’s already dressed for the occasion in a black and white tracksuit!  

The actor playing Anthony Zacharra has taken the villain archetype and run with it!  I’m expecting him to turn into a bat at any moment and release a horrific “ha ha ha” that echoes down the halls.  I’ll be severely disappointed if we don’t get a swordfight out of this.  

Can anyone give me a reason why Trevor Lansing is at the ball?  Has he even met Nikolas?  Regardless, I loved the shot of him sitting on the throne-like chair; let’s just say he looked comfortable in the seat of power.  Plus, it was fun watching Alexis tell him off in her cool, calm, Cassadine way for his complete lack of interest in Ric’s well being.  She’s really quite good at putting people in their place.  And even though she hates her exes most of the time, she’s still got their backs when the chips are down. 

Make sure to pay attention to the background shots—there’s been some hilarious dancing and expressions.  I think Spinelli nearly whipped Nadine’s head off at one point when he spun her around. 

Robin and Nikolas had the least awkward sperm exchange (bad choice of words?) yet, even thought it took place in the middle of a ball.  Could Robin be pregnant as the fainting spell suggests?  That’s usually the first sign there’s a bun in the oven on soap operas.  Sure, it’s been more than a month since her break-up with Patrick but it’s not as if soap operas can’t bend time—if they played by the rules, then Lulu’d still be a tweenager and her many suitors would be rather creepy.  At least it would explain her horrible taste in boys; at 13 she wouldn’t know any better.  But instead, we’re supposed to believe that she’s the only one who can see the good in not only Logan, but also Johnny.  Pretty soon, she’ll be telling all of Port Charles that Bin Laden’s just misunderstood. 

I award Robin my prize for best hairdo.  It’s very 40s glam, in my very unprofessional opinion.  Second prize goes to Kate Howard, though not for long as a tumble with Sonny usually leaves one a bit tousled.  Has anyone bothered to tell them that a killer’s on the loose?  Or is Sonny’s libido sure it can fight him off single-handedly? 

I’m going to be really upset if Cooper is killing people.  He’s hot.  And a seemingly competent cop, which means he has no chance of survival. 

Ric Lansing is now playing the role of Robin Scorpio from the last sweeps, i.e.; lie on a couch for days, bleeding to death.  Maybe he can get Carly to stitch him up like she did for Robin.  She’s great at sewing up archenemies. 

Jason speeding to Spoon Island is a moment that will live in GH infamy.  I think it was an attempt to placate those of us who miss the great action sequences of GH past.  Was that a bomb on the boat?  They must not have had enough money for another explosion after Sonny’s limo went flambé last week.  Give me a second while I roll my eyes at that death-defying stunt. 

Do we get to know who Liz found dead or are we supposed to write him off as a nameless benefactor and not ask questions?  Any chance he was wearing a red Star Trek ensign uniform?  Those are usually the first to go. 

I’m looking forward to the rest of this sweeps.  Coming up next—paternity reveal! 

The Gourmez