November 25, 2007  

This November sweeps, Iíve learned that: 

  • All the virile, young citizens of Port Charles canít defend themselves against a feeble-looking old man whom would likely fall over if I poked him with a feather.
     
  • The Quartermaines should never leave the house in the months of February, May, and November.  Alice should be stationed at the front door and challenge anyone trying to come inside to a death match.
     
  • Lucky is hot when heís aiming a gun, something Iím pretty sure that Sam noted as well.  The mumbling mobster and his eighties-coiffed hit man used to bring the sexy while packing but thereís only so many times you can shine the same penny before it loses its luster.
     
  • Compounding injuries do not compound the drama of a sweeps period.  It just makes me laugh when yet another person is placed in peril and walks away with a bruise or a taunting.   However, I will, with pleasure, watch Carly trip over a rock or Lulu get clocked with a gun again and again and again.
     
  •  Even crazed lunatics can see that Lulu is completely self-absorbed in less than five seconds.  I think that Nadine, sane and rational girl that she is, clocked in at three.

Jerry Jax is dead to me.  I was willing to accept a reformation after the hostage crisis if it meant that Alexis got some action.  But no, apparently, heís in love with Carly.  Does he not remember that he was almost her stepfather?  Do the writers?  Now that I think of it, it is awfully convenient that heís in the hospital and had to miss the Jax-Corinthos Thanksgiving with Bobbie.  It might have created a rift in the time-space continuum if the two were in the same room together. 

For Nikolasí sake, I really did wish he were right, that Emily was just dreaming.  Having him in a state of shock was an excellent decisionóso much more effective than blubbering tears.  I wanted to give him a kiss and tell him itíd be all better soon.  Iíve never cared for Emily, from her bratty teenage days to the recent years of saintly patience, but the actors are sure doing a good job of convincing me that sheíll be missed! 

When did Johnnyís own psycho tendencies go away?  I recall Lulu talking him down from killing the homeowner whose house they broke into last month.  Now he wonders if itís right to kill an insane man? Heís hot enough that he earns my permission to stick around but some consistency would be nice. 

Carly has the memory span of a goldfish.  She came to the party to find Leticiaís killer yet by the end of the evening, she acted as though it were news that said killer might be there.  I have no words.  

I wasnít willing to accept Jason and Liz as a couple, being a Liz and Lucky cheerleader, but when Jason stepped onto that ledge next to her, I felt the chemistry.  I do want them to be able to comfort each other through the loss of Emily and I believe they could make a good family.  If only Jason was willing to sacrifice his oh-so-played out profession for the love of a good woman and his son.  But alas, smuggling coffee beans and bootleg gay porn is satisfying enough for any man. 

Itís wonderful to see Leslie, Monica, Ned, Dillon, Bobbie, and Mac.  I just wish we could see them more often--say, once a week?  Nah, that would never work; itíd cut into the screen time for Carly when she breaks nail and runs to Jason for comfort.  I loved watching Bobbie console Monica through the loss of a child.  Each woman has had enough tragedy to fill Charlesí port, yet they keep on living.  I want to watch Monica heal and move on and it saddens me that we probably wonít see her again until someone else croaks.   

Scotty gets brownie points, or in this case, chicken wings, for trying to bond with Logan.  Heís always been a rascal with a heart of gold.  I wonder if weíll ever meet Loganís mother. 

I want to have Thanksgiving with the Scorpio-Jones family!  Macís legacy on this show will be how he raised those three girls and preserved their sanities by providing them with a stable father figure. Spinelli and Cooper were welcome additions to the table, both of them sweet boys who need some sweet loving from Maxie and Georgie.  Spinelli needs to get over his Lulu crush STAT! 

Iíll end with the question we are all asking ourselvesósince when does Thanksgiving fall on the day after Halloween?

The Gourmez