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January 17, 2008 AMC Come on in, Ryan, it must be cold out there if your nipples are any indication. The image of him doing the paso doble in his undies to stay warm is making my temperature rise. JR in a towel? Not so much, which rather surprised me. If I were Hannah, I’d be thinking, “Damn! Why did I use so much hand cream?” Well, maybe she’ll find Leo down there, so it won’t be a total loss. Speaking of Leo, wouldn’t it be cool if he joined “The Real Greenlee” (henceforth TRG) on AMC? Something tells me that Josh “ex-Leo” Duhamel won’t be leaving Las Vegas for Pine Valley, which is a shame. He looks so choice in those bathing suits. (You know the ones – as worn by Daniel Craig in Casino Royale? RRROWL!) I always thought he was too slender during his AMC days, but he has since filled out nicely. But I digress… “Julia, we’re in here.” Yes, Julia, the closet door with the chair wedged underneath the doorknob? Let’s hope she doesn’t join Tad and Aidan’s little P.I. agency. She’s going to have enough trouble as it is now that Erica’s jealous of her friendship with Jack. After all, she is Maria’s younger sister, and Erica crossed swords with her over Dimitri. (Let us not forget how Erica delivered Maria’s baby in a cabin and then tried to pass her off as an adopted baby from Russia. My, how history repeats itself in Pine Valley!) Zach looks all purty, shaved and cleaned up. Kinda reminds me of that Dr. Ian Thornhart, who used to practice in Port Charles, NY. Or that longhaired Patrick dude who once hung out in Llanview. Either way, he looks good. On her last episode, the not-real Greenlee did a nice job of reminiscing about Leo while telling Aidan that she finally got it right with him. Oh, that’s right – it’s called acting. Something really hard to fake. Adam’s throwing a surprise wedding reception for KWAK and Tad? Does he plan to bury the hatchet in Tad’s skull? Will he have possibly-not-really-dead Dixie pop out of a cake, holding Kate/Kathy’s birth certificate between her breasts? Julia’s turning Wildwind into a Free Clinic? Considering some of the past and present residents, it’s appropriate. Hugo Marick is rolling in his mausoleum! I’d guess that something like a Free Clinic would be frowned upon by other mansion-dwellers in the area, but since Opal turned Cortlandt Manor into the new Glamourama, I suppose property values have already plummeted. LINE OF THE WEEK: “I thought you were about to show me the top of Diamond Head!” KWAK, you trollop! Well, it’s finally here – Real Greenlee Day. This has been so pimped out all over ABC (The View gave it two shout-outs this week), day and night. Last night I half expected Terry Moran (reporting from Saudi Arabia on Nightline) to remind us to watch TRG! Budig looks great, and I’m sure she’s up to the hype, but I’m so glad the promos are over. Speaking of pimping, Fusion is entering into a partnership with The Campbell’s Soup Company, specifically its healthy food product lines. Are we going to see those apple-cheeked “Mmm-Mmm Good” kids wearing blush and mascara? Did we get rid of our alliance with the Florida Orange Growers? No more of those glasses of O.J. on set; now we’ll have Lucretia serving mugs of Chicken and Stars to all. Quentin’s back and he’s looking pretty ill. Aidan’s going to help him get medical assistance. Q refuses to go to PVH. Wonder why? What could be his reason? Any ties? Family ties? I’ve never seen so many peeps in the Fusion office (except for the launch party for the Man of Fusion – remember that?), especially not the Fall Out Boy clones! Fortunately for Greenlee, they all conveniently disappeared when she started reading Kendall’s Charm, which happened to fall out of her bag. Guess we can look forward to a new product on “Shop The Soaps!” There are some promos that have me excited – the ones about the return of Angie and Jesse Hubbard. The continuation of their relationship. But wait, Jesse’s dead, you say? Hey, people come back from the dead with some regularity in Pine Valley! I, for one, can’t wait to see them. GH Ms. Sneed, do you now regret your tough stance on patients without medical insurance? Now you’ve gone and driven Joe Smith to turn himself into a human bomb. And wipe that smirk off your face, Dr. Ford, because you share her “send ‘em to County” attitude. Personally, I wouldn’t mind if Smith took the two of them out, but bomb blasts are never that precise, and I’d hate to see collateral damage. Tracy knows that Luke’s taken off again. She envisioned him lying in an alley, with a bottle of booze, scratching out his last will and testament in cigar ash. She knows her man! Did TPTB choose the temporary Jax to purposely piss off Ingo “Jax” Rademacher while he dealt with a personal matter and had to take a couple of days off? Ersatz Jax would have been better cast as Jax and Jerry’s uncle. Isn’t it heartwarming to see that Dr. Ford can remain cold and callous during a crisis? Wouldn’t he make a fine Chief of Staff? If he survives this, I hope Edward fires his pompous ass. LINE OF THE WEEK: “I am sick and tired of all this pain and death.” You tell ‘em, Epiphany. I hope TPTB know that you speak for many of us. I sure hope that Cameron gets such a severe punishment for setting the house on fire that he wets himself whenever he sees a match. Otherwise, he may end up in reform school with Mini-Mobster-Me. How unlike Sam to try and warn Elizabeth away from danger. Are TPTB attempting to turn her into a real everyday hero? Conversely, Monica’s flapping her gums about her son the hit man may well prove that the hospital board was right when they selected Alan over her for the chief of staff position some years back. I thought that the head of cardiology was supposed to remain coolheaded in an emergency. Bad move, doc. Particularly during a potential hostage situation. Isn’t it strange that Ric wants Alexis to “hold his place” as D.A. for him while he searches for his soul? I mean, he took it from her in the first place! Robin doesn’t think Patrick knows what to say to provoke Nik into a frenzy. I think “How’s it going now that your girlfriend’s dead” might work. Aww. Sonny took Kate to dinner in Bensonhurst. How sweet. Really. What’s next, the 2001 Odyssey disco? Will he put on a white three-piece suit and bust a move to “Stayin’ Alive?”
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