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March 8, 2007 AMC Daddy Evil (Alex Cambias, Sr.) showed the true depth of his depravity when he announced his intent to raise Spike as his own child. Let’s face it, his track record kinda sucks. An eldest son who hated him enough to fake his own death and another son who became a vicious, sadistic, amoral rapist. This obsession with Ryan is a bit creepy, too. Next thing you know, he’ll bend over and invite Ryan to play a little game called “Prisoner: Cell Block H.” Get it over with already! It’s a shame that Tad pulled Zach off Daddy Evil, but I suppose Pine Valley simply isn’t the same without the presence of a squirrelly Cambias man. For someone who’s supposed to be mentally challenged, Stuart Chandler is often the wisest man in town. It is a true pleasure whenever the writers let him out of his art gallery. Josh should be really concerned about how much longer Babe’s condition will be kept secret. Why? Erica’s response to him: “I haven’t told anyone yet.” He hasn’t known her long enough to realize that her inclusion of “yet” does not bode well for this secret. Especially since her very first stop after leaving the casino was the Chandler mansion! Too bad for her that JR was off with his Pine Valley Posse, hunting wabbits, I mean, Satin Slayers. LINE OF THE WEEK: “A dead slut can cause just as much passion as a live one.” Oh, Erica, you slay me! Slightly more used pot meet kettle? Yuck, more Disney crossover, now with the stars of Broadway’s Mary Poppins and Tarzan. Gee, I can’t wait until The Little Mermaid opens on the Great White Way and the cast of AMC does a version of “Under The Sea.” I’d be happier still if the Lion King showed up and ate Babe and Ryan. Heck, lions are big; let’s also throw in Jonathan, Colby and Bianca! Josh, what an original idea! Have Babe let everyone think she’s dead and gone forever! How novel of her to run off with her child and her lover. Maybe Josh can ask Cousin Jamie for covert travel tips. Heck, let’s dust off some more of McTravesty’s old scripts! JR wants to be the kind of father that Adam was to him? Is he kidding? (Is this a parting shot from McTravesty?) Maybe he doesn’t remember turning to drugs, running away to work on a tramp steamer, and concealing his anguish by diving into a bottle of hooch. Does he not think Adam’s parenting style (Machiavellian) had a bit to do with his own problems? GH How ironic is it that someone who helped hold the Metro Court hostage is now on its security team? What an illustrious surname, too. Barrett. Related to Harlan, Julia and Brenda in some way? Hmm? LINE OF THE WEEK: “That vampire you’re talking about is my wife!” Hey, Luke, just be happy Tracy wasn’t in town when Caleb and all his little fanged friends called The Chuckles home! Elizabeth, you dumbass, trying to compare the time Jason got to spend with baby Michael to the time he’ll supposedly get with their baby. Where to begin? Oh, right, in this case, Jason actually is the baby’s father, but Lucky believes he’s the daddy. Something tells me that Lucky will not appreciate many impromptu visits from Stone Cold. Speaking of little fanged friends, Kiko (ex-Jamal, PC; new Stan, GH) Ellsworth is still a damned handsome man (love those tiny dreads!), but this anti-capitalist stuff he’s spewing is more than a bit nauseating. I’m hoping they’ll lose that, and soon. Next: scenes with mom Epiphany! What about Lainey? Last time he saw her, wasn’t she a werewolf? Sonny using Michael’s attending Alan’s memorial to play with Carly’s emotions is almost as low as he can go in his quest to get her back. What gives Monica the right to control Alan’s memorial? “It’s my house and Alan gave it to me.” Brava. That deserves to be carved into the mantle over the fireplace, if not the front gates of the estate. I honestly cannot fathom how the cast got through the memorial service, especially with all the personal and professional angst that preceded it. They deserve a medal. Perhaps the Daytime Emmys could issue their own version of the Purple Heart? Ooh. Tracy needs a drink and she’s faced with Skye and Alcazar. Not a good combination. Unfortunately, Ned and Dillon broke it up before things got broken. Rats. Ned’s eulogy was both touching and painfully honest. I had hope he would end it with a song, but as Mick says, you can’t always get what you want. (Lucy Coe showing up in a red dress and hat would have been nice, though.) The flashbacks were lovely. Wasn’t it nice to see snippets of Alan performing at the Nurses Ball? Wouldn’t it be a fitting tribute to relaunch it in his honor? All that said, I truly wish none of it were necessary. Stuart “Alan” Damon deserved much better, considering his nearly three decades on the show. For those who worked with him the most (notably Leslie “Monica” Charleson, Jane “Tracy” Ellot, and, to a slightly lesser degree, Jacklyn “Bobbie” Zeman, Steve “Jason” Burton, and Kimberly “Robin” McCullough), it was devastating. A sad reality check for actors outside the preferred demographic. Alan’s letter from the grave, so to speak, claimed that Scott Baldwin killed Rick Webber. This could turn into something interesting. Bring on Spinelli! Another document left by Alan is certain to cause more Q family drama: his will. Tracy is after Alan’s shares of ELQ, and a little something for Dillon. Why do the lawyers insist on reading it so soon after the memorial? A bombshell within, perhaps? Prevented via a little Luke Spencer forgery job (which will, of course, benefit Luke as well)? Meet Logan, Army buddy of Coop’s and a rumored love interest for Lulu. Naturally, he’s a shady character, a bad boy, and he’s looking for his errant father. Another “who’s the daddy” scenario! Wouldn’t it be cool if somehow he turned out to be Frisco’s (unknown) son? Naturally, he’d be attracted to newly available Georgie, and all sorts of gothic stuff would ensue. LINE OF THE WEEK, PART 2: “I’ve learned from the master, Sensei Stone Cold.” Oh, Spinelli, I adore you! I KNEW it! Dr. Ford’s ears perked up when he heard that Monica might be named Chief of Staff in Alan’s place. He was quick to suggest she pull her name from consideration to avoid an ugly competition…with him!
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