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March 22, 2007 AMC There’s nothing like a good “I’m carrying your nemesis’ child, not yours” story to bring out good acting chops, particularly those of Michael “Tad” Knight and David “Adam” Canary. It also brings forth a bit of hypocrisy, specifically when JR pleaded KWAK’s case to Adam. As the senior Chandler raged at what JR’s reaction would be should Babe be carrying Josh’s spawn, I sat back and nodded. I nodded again when Tad shot down KWAK’s feeble defense. Isn’t it great to have a mansion, with all the trimmings, including a galvanized trash can, lighter fluid and matches right when you want to burn your tramp of a wife’s negligees? Plus maids to deliver the baby clothes you bought for a child that isn’t yours, ripe for the fire. Proving the old axiom that “money can’t buy happiness.” If all this new hurt coming down on JR doesn’t send him running to the nearest pub, he deserves the highest accolades they give out at AA. KWAK is wack if she thinks delivering a breakfast tray to her hung-over hubby is going to smooth things over! During the bedroom confrontation that ensued, I was waiting for KWAK to burst out with Dreamgirls’ “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going.” That would have said it all, and been a lot more fun to watch. If JR has no more inheritance, how does he intend to pay for the best lawyer in the state not already owned by Adam – that would be Jackson Montgomery, apparently – for KWAK’s sake? I guess KWAK can’t comprehend the fact that one night of illicit passion doesn’t really equal a lifetime of lying about a child’s paternity. However, Adam’s suggestion that she get rid of the baby at this stage (practically in the delivery room) was nearly as heinous a proposition. “Dump the mongrel off at an orphanage” would have me running out the door, straight to the nearest goon who’d love to kick Adam’s butt. Someone like…Palmer. LINE OF THE WEEK: “I want to learn how to ride. A horse.” Okay, Ryan, Annie’s never made you a better offer. Giddy-up! KWAK and Babe have undoubtedly been in handcuffs before, but together? Might be a first! Tad asked Livia if it was possible to get custody of a child still in utero. Didn’t Ryan do that only last year? Will Stuart continue to stand by his twin now that he’s called his wife the town tramp? Loyalty to Marian may trump brotherly loyalty at last. Kendall described Zoë as looking like “a linebacker in drag.” Ouch. Not a good way to convince Binks to stay at Fusion! Given an ultimatum, Kendall caved and Zoë is now one of the Women of Fusion. Well, sorta. GH Does Sonny think pool at Jake’s will be as aphrodisiacal for him as it was for Jason and Carly? Package for Angela Monroe! Sam tried to pass it off as Spinelli’s, which Jason bought…or pretended to, anyway. Spinelli’s not going to be pleased. Strange, though, that the woman in the enclosed newspaper article, identified as Angie Monroe, wife of real estate developer Bill Monroe, was Sam’s Doppelganger. Why is Logan so protective of Lulu? I think I figured it out! Back when Scotty and Laura were married, she got pregnant. Her gynecologist, a Dr. Greg Madden, stole the embryo and implanted it into a surrogate’s uterus, making Logan Lulu’s half-brother. Hmm. On second thought, that’s a bit far fetched. If you’re wondering why I’m so quiet regarding the Sonny/Carly/Jax triangle, it’s simply a case of been there, done that. First we had Sonny/Brenda/Jax, then Sonny/Sam/Jax. Ho-hum, I’m done. Speaking of ridiculous story ideas, how does Craig plan to ally himself with Nik in a world full of his ex-hostages, several who show up at Wyndemere constantly and without notice? Will he get a bunch of surplus Mission Impossible latex masks and voice disguisers, as he doesn’t want to change his face via plastic surgery? Sam thinks Tracy sent her that article. Tracy denied it. Who’s the culprit? Amelia Joffe, perhaps? (Again, what’s her connection? Could she be related to Bill Monroe?) Now that Sam’s confided in Spinelli, maybe The Jackal can harness the Internet to help her out. Ric’s only had custody of Molly for a few days and he’s already doing her hair up like Cindy Lou Who. In light of this, that judge should revoke custody! Now Lulu’s going to confide in the Oracle of Laura (as she did before having her abortion) about the paternity of Elizabeth’s baby. Gee, didn’t see that coming. Uh-oh. Lesley’s choreographing Lucky and Elizabeth’s wedding. She starts Elizabeth off on the staircase. Elizabeth is heavily pregnant. Lesley obviously is oblivious of the Port Charles curse on pregnant women and stairs. One autograph hound later and Sam’s ready to sign on as a TV host. Doesn’t she realize that she’ll be exposing herself to people that may remember her as Angela Monroe?
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