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March 29, 2007 AMC A mysterious blackout hit the Chandler mansion and all of a sudden, Adam appears, holding a flashlight under his chin. Ye gods, I didn’t know they had a Boy Scout chapter in Pigeon Hollow. KWAK, naturally, wasn’t frightened by this unworldly spectre – hell, she’s seen him naked, what could be scarier? Meanwhile, over at Ethan’s grave, Kendall and Zach pondered the mysteries of parenthood while a person of interest lurked and listened. At Wildwind, Annie’s clearly off her meds, running hot and cold on Ryan. Could she have heard that Greenlee’s coming to town? Uh-oh, it’s chicken pox (which is actually quite serious when contracted in adulthood – I had it at 15 and it was awful). No wonder she doesn’t want Ryan to see her with all those festering pustules all over her face. A definite romance-killer! Instant shrinkage! Oh, dear. Tad and KWAK have been locked in a bedroom together. Well, technically, glued into a bedroom, courtesy of that ol’ rascal, Adam. Who knew he was a secret huffer – and if you don’t know what a huffer is, that’s good. Google it. Lily wants Aidan to run a background check on Auntie Barbara. I’d be interested to learn when she developed her big honkin’ drinking problem. LINE OF THE WEEK: “I’ll give you a big fat raise.” Jamie, you ARE your father’s son! Bravo! Now that they’ve kissed, what we start calling Bianca and Zoë, Boë? A tip of the hat to the once-androgynous David Bowie! So much more fun if she’d kept her old name so we could call them Barf. I just may, regardless. Time to step up the transition! Call it poetic justice that Tad arranged for Adam to be committed to the mental hospital! I’m sure Dixie would approve. At least Adam will have the opportunity to make new acquaintances…or renew old ones. Enter the Planeteer! LINE OF THE WEEK 2: “I’ll make Hannibal Lecter look like a cub scout.” Welcome back, ruthless Adam! You’ve been missed! You know, I’d forgotten that Amanda and Adam’s daughter, Hayley, are cousins. Trevor “Uncle Pork Chop” Dillon to Hayley was also daddy to Amanda. Blood ties and money weren’t enough to convince Amanda to come over to Adam’s dark side, thank goodness (or perhaps a life insurance policy on her POPsicle?). Ethan’s momma, Hannah Nichols, has come to town, and she’s a real hottie. Gulp. She wants to learn about Ethan. Will Zach start out by explaining that his wife was once engaged to their son? Nice flashbacks during Erica and Jack’s division of assets meeting. I’d forgotten about that time when they were stranded in the cabin! Too bad they didn’t show Jack with his favorite French maid in Paris. Do you think Ryan will buy the yacht from them for his new company digs? For old times’ sake? GH Timing is everything. Robin blew off Patrick just in time to join Nik and his special guest, Craig – who, coincidentally, needed medical attention – at Wyndemere. How convenient. Looks like Sonny’s got his mole in the PCPD, now that he’s figured out Coop’s role in the hostage crisis (with a lot of help from Max). And since the PCPD’s hiring practices are likely as lax as everything else it does, Coop should have no problem signing up. Hell, they’ll probably fast-track him! LINE OF THE WEEK: “His histrionics are making me cross. And when I’m cross, people die.” Great line, Craig, but I can’t help thinking I’ve heard that last part somewhere else, but in a more humorous context. Wait…wait…YES! Dr. Evil from the Austin Powers movies, regarding his cat, Mr. Bigglesworth, before hitting a button and deep-frying various evil henchmen! I’m enjoying the return of Jaxis. Carly, obviously, is not. More, please! No getting lucky for Lucky on his wedding night. Well, many mothers-to-be get skeeved out at the idea of their soon-to-be-born baby getting so up close and personal with Mr. Happy, so it’s understandable. Why would the plaque with Alan’s name be above Lila’s on the outside of the family crypt? Another question: why can’t they write for Dillon any longer? Why is he reduced to playing one of Lulu’s three admirers/Stooges? Scott “Dillon” Clifton has proven his talent time and time again and he needs a story of his own, especially since the normally teen-laden summer is approaching. Will he be left by the wayside while the latest generation of Scoobies gets all the camera time? I fervently hope not. He’s far better than that. Why not revisit the oft-speculated theory that Scotty, not Paul, fathered him? It’s all in the hair! I adore Spinelli, but that light blue cap has got to go. STAT. Speaking of Bradford “Spinelli” Anderson, I have a prediction to make. At last year’s GHFCW luncheon, the newbie who got the biggest combination of cheers and applause was Sonya “Epiphany” Eddy. She’ll still receive a roaring reception – as she should – but Anderson’s will eclipse it. I’d bet the farm on this. The Bond bond continues, as Craig (named for new 007 portrayer Daniel Craig?) has chosen James Brosnan (prior 007 portrayer Pierce Brosnan) as his new identity. Cute. LINE OF THE WEEK 2: “Fighting like George and Martha?” To who was Alexis referring, the Washingtons? No! How about the Battling Burtons (Liz Taylor and Richard Burton) as George and Martha in the classic film, “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?” An aside worthy of Dillon! Sam’s decided to take the job in television. Rut-ro. She doesn’t want Jason to be part of the package, and he’s down with that. Amelia’s not. Have you noticed that Steve “Jason” Burton’s hair is more like his old lion’s mane these days? His wife, Sheree, preferred that look to his brush cut. Will he be the next cast member to have a new hairstyle approved by TPTB? Noah’s riding in on his white stallion to save GH from having Dr. Ford as Chief of Staff. Good to see him, especially since it looks like he’ll be fighting by Monica’s side. LINE OF THE WEEK 3: “I see we are not one with the sunshine today.” Yay, Spinelli! And a new name for Lucky, too: “The Reformed One.” BONUS: Ric = “The D.A. of Darkness.” Proof that summer’s coming: Logan told Scotty to make the blackmail drop at the Pizza Shack! Could this also mean the return of Oprah’s discovery, Paolo Presta, as Shack owner Doug Mancini? Sam made an excellent point to Amelia and her wardrobe minions: is this look really appropriate for a show about heroes? No, but perfect for selling yourself, was the reply. Hmm. Hidden meaning there? How about the reference to a small woman protecting herself from a larger adversary by picking up a loaded shotgun and blowing him away? That certainly shook up Ms. McCall, or whatever her name is.
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