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April 5, 2007 AMC Adam’s calling his “new” son, Josh, a “vast improvement over the last one.” Care to confirm that, Babe? Well, we didn’t get a flashback of Jack and his French maid last week, but something almost as delicious: Erica in full French maid mode, serving a post-coital breakfast to Jack and Barbara. YUMMERS! I was bummed out when the maple syrup didn’t end up in Barbara’s hair, though. Aiden, meet Ava, Lily’s older and sluttier half-sister. I can’t wait to hear why she’s working Prostitute Alley in Philly. They must be related via their father, Denny, as he was a low-life sleazeball, not unlike Ray Gardner or Billy Clyde Tuggle. At any rate, it’s an excellent opportunity for Levin (Lily/Ava) Rambin to show off her acting chops. When did Sean turn so noble and caring? Has Barbara’s presence caused this 180º turnaround? If so, we should send her to Iraq or Iran, where she might actually do some good for a change. To be honest, I’m glad that Barbara is haunting Pine Valley again, as it brings out the beast in Erica, which is always fun. Locked on the yacht, steaming out of the harbor? Classic Kane trickery! An unholy alliance between Adam and Janet From Another Planet? Who’d a thunk it? Naturally, there’s some blackmail going on. Don’t make deals without it! Poor Amanda. She never gets a break. “Tad-you-bug, Tad-you-bug, fly away home. I’ve torched your house and you’re all on your own.” Adam’s new favorite nursery rhyme? Can’t you just see him reciting it to Little A at bedtime? LINE OF THE WEEK: “What do I care if Ryan wants to marry PollyAnnie?” Well, Kendall, a bit more than you’ll ever admit. I like the PollyAnnie name, though, and will probably use it when I’m forced to discuss her. So sad to see Tad among the smoldering ruins of his house, fondling Kate’s sooty baby cap. It could have been worse, however. A petrified box of chicken fingers. An old picture of Marian and Liza. Jenny’s Jet-Ski keys. Looks like someone’s trying to get up the nerve to phone Ryan and croon “Butterfly Kisses” into the handset. Wonder who THAT could be? Tad’s an old pro at knocking people out and storing them in a secret hiding place (at least he’s provided a lot more breathing room this time). That theory of his was truly inspired, though – that perhaps this secret Chandler attic was where Adam stashed Stuart when he first came to town. Excellent use of history! The heart-to-heart between Bianca and Zoë’s mother was quite moving. It was good to show the point of view of the mother of a child who wants a sex change. Very poignant. And it reminded me of that old mathematical proof: if Babe = love, then Bianca = truth. It would be a shame, however, if Zoë’s dream were to be destroyed by a few bigoted jackasses. Unfortunately, I hear that may be the direction the character’s headed. I’d throw in some witticisms about certain people being more afraid of being de-balled, but…aw, forget it. GH Sonny’s so considerate, not wanting to endanger Carly by using her old, forgotten, and very dusty club to store suspicious shipments. Too bad he’s not thinking of his mother-in-law, Bobbie, who owns and operates Kelly’s Diner right above the shuttered nightspot. Or his father, who seems to spend all his non-gambling and non-groveling time slaving behind the counter there. It’s always Carly, Carly, Carly! Alexis passed out in the gardens of Wyndemere and Craig/Brosnan came to her rescue. Could romance be in the cards? Nobody does razzle dazzle better than Jasper Jacks, not even Billy Flynn. I’ll never forget how he flew fresh oysters and a keg of Guinness over from Ireland when her was hot for Lois. Carly, you big dummy, don’t fight him when he wants to fly you somewhere for dinner. Trust me! Poor Sam. She gets what appears to be a dream job, complete with sycophantic fans, yet she can’t seem to sleep at night. Those memories of life as Angela Monroe keep popping up. I’m still waiting for an explanation. What is Amelia’s true role in this? I’m betting she’s a Monroe. Were those sparks I saw flying between Lainey and Stan? I certainly hope so! It must be the cynic in me that finds it a strange coincidence that Sonny’s having therapy with Dr. Winters again just as “The Sopranos” is about to start its own Endgame. The wonderful Quartermaine bickering scenes that have resulted from Alan’s untimely death are an excellent example of how TPTB (very luckily) made lemonade out of lemons. Whoever it was that came up with the idea of having Alan haunt Tracy deserves a big fat raise. I’d sure love to know who to thank! On the anniversary of Jesse’s death, Maxie realized how her behavior this past year has dishonored his memory. Her next move? Take Coop to bed, natch! “I may be a lot of things, but I’m not a tease.” Too true, Maximum Maxie! Is it too much to hope for a few bitchslaps between Carly and Skye? We’ve seen some potential with Maxie and Lulu, but let’s bring out the big guns! Aww. Jason has a gun box AND a baby box! New Spinelli-isms: “The Cyber Illiterates” (Dillon and Milo), “The Unworthy One” (Logan), “Mooner” (Milo, who was once arrested for mooning, a factoid The Jackal found in cyberspace). Love it! Nik is wondering how Emily will take the news of his “relationship” with Robin. I think an excellent clue would be finding Sheba’s head in his bed.
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