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April 12, 2007 AMC Madman Adam has really lost his marbles this time. Setting up Jamie (and, unwittingly, Amanda) so he can ram his car from behind and send it off the road? Nucking futs! Fortunately, neither Jamie nor Amanda was seriously injured. Unfortunately, Tad couldn’t prove that Adam had temporarily escaped his attic prison. LINE OF THE WEEK: “What is this, ‘Bring an Enemy to Work Day?’” Erica obviously has little use for PollyAnnie, even going so far as to offer Kendall the use of her yacht to replicate how she tortured Barbara. Bring it on! Will Erica now embrace her despised stepdaughter, Greenlee, in order to submarine PollyAnnie? Wouldn’t surprise me in the least. In the meanwhile, Erica confronted Babe at the Fusion offices, spewing out all kinds of bile about Babe and KWAK. Too bad for her that Jack decided to drop by for a visit as Erica was in mid-tirade. Doubly bad that he’d just seen Barbara after her three-hour (plus) tour! Bianca’s attempts to woo Zoë with secret admirer gifts sure backfired. Perhaps if she’d given some though about how rock stars like Zarf are constantly deluged with gifts from ardent fans/stalkers, she might have tried a different tack. Honesty, perhaps. A direct declaration of love. You know, that thing she values so much: truth. Adam standing by while KWAK crumpled to the floor with labor pains was eerily reminiscent of Edward, Tracy and the withheld heart meds on GH all those years ago. Trouble is, no one’s faking. Double trouble: the only one who appears to be at the mansion is Colby. Rut-ro. Why is it only Kendall who remembers that Zoë still has a penis? A valid point indeed! Not easily ignored, either. Is Josh trying to set a Guinness Book of World Record for most jobs held in one town? When does he start catwalking at Myrtle’s Boutique? Adam’s buying the yacht from Jack and Erica? Why, does he have fond memories of his last one, upon which Dr. Delicious Hayward unleashed Libidizone on the town? Or of the time daughter Colby jacked the “At Last,” after popping her cherry with Sean? Oh, the memories! Strange how attached Erica suddenly seems to the old scow (I’m talking about the boat, not Chandler!). The inherent problems that have kept Zoë and Bianca apart as a couple all seemed to disappear as they finally embarked on their first date, confusion put aside for now. It was lovely to watch them overcome their initial doubts and begin to truly express their feelings. Even I found it touching. Go figure. Kendall’s fears about Bianca’s potential relationship with Zoë and the difficulties that they’ll face are all valid. Putting the transgender aspect aside, even Bianca herself has said that should Miranda one day come out to her as gay, she wouldn’t love her any less, yet she hopes that won’t be the case, as she’d hate for her child to have to face the prejudice and hatred that she herself has had to deal with. (This is not a viewpoint unique to Bianca; I’ve heard many a person say that they wouldn’t change who they are, but it’s a hard life that they wouldn’t wish on anyone else – which also applies to anyone who is “different,” whether it be due to race, religion, physical appearance, and so forth.) Kendall just has a different approach (get Bianca out of town), but that doesn’t mean she loves her sister any less. She is in overdrive protection mode, which, come to think of it, is certainly the Kane Woman Way! It’s a shame that this was the closest Tad has ever come to being present at the birth of one of his children, yet he was denied that great pleasure by Adam’s actions. Wonder if he has a duplicate of Madden’s coffin waiting in the wings? GH Elizabeth made an excellent point about naming “their” child after a “legend” (Laura or Luke). What might she prefer? Morgan for a girl, Jason for a boy? Those conniving little Corinthos brats have teamed up yet again to keep Carly and Jax apart. That Mini-Mobster-Me’s butt would soon match the color of his hair if he were my child. Spinelli won’t be able to call Lulu his girlfriend much longer if he keeps encouraging Stone Cold to claim his child. Lulu’s begging Stone Cold to keep the secret and deny his child. Fortunately, Spinelli and Lulu reached an accord and forgave each other. Ah, détente! Soon to be invaded by Dillon and Milo. Dates for all! Craig/Brosnan is spying on Ric and Alexis and getting quite an earful. To what end? Does he have the hots for Alexis, as I surmised last week? Maybe he’ll do something nasty to Ric. One can hope. If I were Alexis, I’d have told Ric that I love both my daughters in SPITE of who their fathers are. If Carly’s basement doesn’t have another door that would lead to the outside, why would the door at the top of the stairs not have a lock that opens from the inside? Wouldn’t that be a fire hazard at the very least? Here’s a new drinking game: every time Elizabeth attributes a trait of her unborn child’s to its father, do a shot. When Spinelli comes up with a new Spinelli-ism, that deserves two shots. This could be fun! Did the Good Parenting Fairies sprinkle their dust on Sonny and Carly? I was truly amazed how they (mostly Sonny) handled Mini-Mobster-Me’s punishment. Supernanny would be proud! Next up: the naughty chair! Dillon’s got the French café motif set up rather nicely for his latest attempt to capture Lulu’s heart, complete with Piaf chansons playing in the background. One problem: that’s a bottle of Chianti on the table, not Bordeaux. No pas de quoi; she’ll never notice. Speaking of nearly perfect settings, what a coinkidink that the set for Sam’s first taping of her show is almost identical to the place in her nightmares. Later on, Amelia told a stagehand how to shut off a complicated lamp, and remarked that her father had one like it. Sure spells I’M A MONROE to me! If anyone ever doubted the competence of the PCPD, look no further than the plate of brownies that Maxie used to divert the attention of everyone at headquarters, including Commissioner Mac Daddy. Classic! Jax seems strangely silent about Carly’s feelings about Sonny’s past with Sam, especially since Sam’s past with Jax barely merits a blip on her radar screen. LINE OF THE WEEK: “Let’s face it, you are lethalness personified. You can level evil dudes with a single punch.” Damn, I adore Spinelli!
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