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April 26, 2007 AMC You’re never too young to have a psycho nanny in the world of daytime and Jenny’s blessed with Janet From Another Planet. We all know that Janet has strong maternal instincts, but when did she last have her meds? When she’s off them, she tends to get kinda smothering, to put it kindly. Now that they’re at sea aboard Adam’s new yacht, I’m wondering if the Planeteer suffers from mal de mer. That could make things even more dangerous. Will Ryan’s condo start sprouting bedrooms the way Jack’s old apartment did? The condo is likely a two-bedroom, and will be temporarily housing KWAK, Babe, Colby, Winifred, and (when found) baby Jenny. Oh, and what about Winnie’s niece, Sydney, who’s been MIA of late? Talk about cramped quarters! (Note to EOS readers: a day after I wrote the above paragraph, I read Kate’s wonderful AMC commentary and was stricken when I saw her own take on the ever-expanding apartments. Sheesh. I bow to the master!) How can Bianca worry that the New Beginnings’ studio audience will be packed with haters? Zoë was a last minute replacement for the scheduled guest. Odds are certainly in Zoë’s favor, no? Speaking of Bianca, why are Kendall and Erica surprised that she’s returning to Paris? Hello? Wasn’t she running the Cambias Industries’ Paris office? Her return to Pine Valley meant to be a brief interlude to clear her head after Maggie cheated on her? The fact that Zoë’s going to be in London is simply icing on the cake. Hannah’s starting to behave like a fellow Planeteer. Did Janet and Natalie have a sister we haven’t met? Doesn’t the New Beginnings set look remarkably like The View’s? AMC and The View do tape in the same building on the West side of Manhattan, so it makes perfect sense. (I was at a taping of The View a few years ago and was delighted to see Vincent (ex-Dr. Delicious Hayward) also waiting for the elevator. Yes, he was McDelicious in the flesh.) OLTL recently filmed on that set for a current storyline, and also had co-hosts Joy Behar and Elisabeth Hasselbeck play themselves – from all reports it was a hoot and a half! LINE OF THE WEEK: “You’re awfully careless with your daughters, aren’t you? Adam, you deserve a beat-down for that, and there are a couple of guys in front of you who are itching for even the lamest excuse. Dumbass. Long time viewers may remember that Tad once had a talk show. I was reminded of that as I watched one of New Beginnings’ staffers rev up the audience, yelling for fireworks. That backfired on Tad’s show, when a crazed, homophobic audience member shot Laurel Blair’s gay brother, Mike, who was a guest on the show that day. I am glad that history did not repeat itself. Erica handled the one vocal hater in the audience with wisdom and grace gained from her experience with Bianca’s coming out as a lesbian. She did it with honesty, and Susan Lucci delivered the lines as only she can. Brava, La Lucci. (Brava, too, to Erica for recognizing that staffer’s actions and firing his sorry ass.) In a bit of clever cross-promotion, Louis Van Amstel of Dancing With The Stars is teaching Annie and Ryan how to dance for their wedding day. (Louis has been on all the seasons of DWTS save the current one, and has been touring with the road show version.) Will Annie stumble like Heather Mills or follow in Kelly Monaco’s footsteps? Colby’s mother (yes, I know, Liza) must have been a pane of glass, as Colby was so transparent when she tried to convince Adam she wanted to be his daughter again. She’s been on good behavior lately, so maybe she’s lost some of her cunning. Ooh, NuGreenlee’s hiding in the shadows at Bianca and Zoë’s going-away party. Quick, someone tell her about Annie’s dancing lessons so she can go and sabotage them. You know, partially saw off the heels of Annie’s pumps. Some Ben-Gay in Louis’ jock. Something subtle. Adam has a long history of being a bastard, but has he ever done anything as heinous as stealing a baby and putting it up for a black market adoption? Anything? When Binks went to visit KWAK after hearing about Jenny’s abduction, I was rooting for her to say, “Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah.” Hell, KWAK even expected it. Then again, she wouldn’t be our sainted Bianca if she behaved in any way other than compassionately. Her departure for Paris will certainly enable Pine Valley diabetics to cut back on their insulin. We haven’t seen enough of her acting to make a judgment call, but Sabine “NuGreenlee” Singh bears enough of a physical resemblance to her predecessor to make the transition work. I wasn’t as convinced when Alicia Minshew took over as Kendall until I noticed her eyes and her bone structure, which bear an uncanny similitude to Susan Lucci’s. It made it much easier to accept her as Erica’s daughter, and since then, she’s made the role her own. GH Aww. Poor Sonny, alone on his birthday. You know what, Carly? He’s an adult. He can arrange his own birthday plans. Besides, after a certain age, many of us prefer to keep our birthdays low key. LINE OF THE WEEK: “This baby probably wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for Jason.” Oh, Lucky, if you only knew how true that statement is! It’s a shame the cameras weren’t rolling as Sam and Jason fought off their “leetle frens.” What a ratings blockbuster for Everyday Heroes! Denied! Lady Jane’s back in town! What exquisite timing! Do you think she’ll interfere with Jax and Carly’s wedding? Do kangaroos have pouches? Amelia was quick to tell Det. Rodriguez that Sam picked up a gun and shot one of the thugs, killing him. Annoyed that Jason didn’t try to cover her, too, or more revenge for her father, Bill Monroe? I’d bet on the latter. NOAH! Complaining about that nasty Dr. Ford! Perhaps there will be some actual hospital action on GH? Next: a Head Nurse Audrey Hardy sighting? Nurse Bobbi rallying the troops in support of Monica as the new chief of staff? Bring it! With both Carly and Amelia using Everyday Heroes to keep Sam and Jason apart (different reasons and agendas), can their relationship survive? Throw in the paternity of Elizabeth’s baby and it’s anybody’s guess. (Stir in a bit of Kelly “Sam” Monaco’s primetime ambition to make things really boil.) Sonny wants Jason to hold off on whacking “Evil Al” (thanks, Spinelli!) until after Carly’s wedding. Aww. Does this mean no “Click/Boom” during one of Jax’s weddings? That would be unusual. LINE OF THE WEEK 2: “James Brosnan a little too 007 for you?” An incredulous Nik, reacting to Craig’s request for another name change. And another thing: no more plastic surgery for Craig. You see, he’s grown accustomed to his face (SFX: drum roll and cymbal crash). What’s next, casting the citizens of PC in a remake of “My Fair Lady?” How about “My Fair Carly?” Hmm. I do believe I feel inspiration for another musical column coming on… Hints have been dropped for some time, but now we have confirmation: Craig is really Jerry Jacks! Now THIS is getting interesting! How will he manage to attend his little bro’s wedding, especially with Alexis begging him to escort her? Speaking of Jerry and weddings, if he’d been able to go through with his own wedding to Bobbie, he would have been Carly’s stepfather. Jax would have been her step uncle. Um, eww? Jason’s unexpected road trip has sent Carly into a tizzy. She can’t get married without him – he’s her good luck charm! The only marriage of hers that lasted more than a few months was her first one to Sonny, the only one Jason attended. Um, Carly? That one eventually went down in flames, so I’m not sure that Jason is the proper talisman for you. Borrow something else, like one of your mother’s various bridal veils. After the wedding, do you think Jax will buy Rice/Rhys Manor for Carly? If it’s bigger than Sonny’s place, count on it! Carly objects to Spinelli’s pet name for her, the Valkyrie, because she’s not sure she wants to be connected to someone who wears breastplates and horns. Sounds to me like the perfect ensemble for her wedding night! Emily wants to know if Mr. Brosnan is the reason why Nik’s pushing her away. Yes, Em, they’re in love, and Brosnan’s a much better kisser than you. Now go away. When this whole Brosnan thing ends – and it will – how will Nik and Robin repair their friendship with Emily? LINE OF THE WEEK 3: “The Jackal regrets to interrupt your pilgrimage of secret pain, Stone Cold, but the Valkyrie fears she’s headed towards not-so-wedded bliss and is demanding your presence at the nuptials.” Oh, Spinelli, you slay me! And all this was followed by Jax’s first encounter with The Jackal, which was too priceless to repeat here. Bravo! Which is PC’s worst-kept secret: the paternity of Elizabeth’s baby or that Mr. Brosnan is really Mr. Craig? The numbers of those in the know is steadily climbing. If Mayor Floyd covered up the on-set shooting per Amelia’s orders, why is Ric questioning Evil Al about an incident that never happened? If Sonny Corinthos doesn’t scare Amelia, why is her hand shaking? (Too much caffeine?) If Spinelli puts on one of Jason’s jackets, will everyone be fooled into thinking he’s Stone Cold? (No, but it will certainly be freakin’ hysterical!) If a picture paints a thousand words, then why can’t I paint you? (Sorry, couldn’t resist that thread!)
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