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May 3, 2007 AMC Bang, bang – who shot the bastard down? (A little tip of the hat to Sonny & Cher!) Annie finds Jon-Boy an attractive candidate, especially after Emma tripped over a high-powered rifle. Of course, Dull, who has been seen with such a rifle, lives in the same house. Two red herrings? How fortunate that Janet From Another Planet that the car she stole had the keys in it. Not totally surprising considering how brain dead the potential adopters appear. I didn’t catch their names, so I’ll just call them the “D’OH” family. Here’s an idea: Babe can dip into her bag of tricks and kidnap Spike to cheer up KWAK. Didn’t she look at him with an almost hungry expression on her face? Can’t steal just one! So, now that Josh has seen Hannah in her bra, how long will it take him to ask her to play Mrs. Robinson for him? About 15 minutes? Coo-coo-ka-choo! Denied, alas, rather abruptly, as things were getting a tad heated. Speaking of Mrs. Robinson, do you think Sean will be getting a little bit of that from Ava? Who besides me noticed how quickly Jon-Boy put his grubby paws all over the rifle after Ryan showed it to him? Yes, Ossifer, that’s how my fingerprints got all over that weapon! Kendall, you blabbermouth. What a time to tell Annie how Ryan’s marriage to Greenlee was aversely affected by his blind loyalty to Jon-Boy. Way to go, girl! And what a way to set the stage for the return of (Nu)Greenlee! (How subtle: “Fusion Green.” Also a great concept, nonetheless, and a popular marketing ploy these days.) LINE OF THE WEEK: “Why are you in such a twist about this, Julia? You’ve had guns before.” Smooth, Dull. Remind her how she killed the Dragon. You’re definitely on the road to eviction. Faster than a speeding bullet, one might say. Janet’s definitely off her meds, a very dangerous state indeed. Who can forget how she (somehow) appropriated a tractor-trailer and filled it, one-by-one, with some of Pine Valley’s most celebrated citizens? She’s obviously capable of anything, and now that she’s mad at Adam over the whole adoption fiasco, I have three words to say: watch out, world. In a bit of cosmic revenge, Adam is completely alienated from what’s left of his family. Even Stuart admitted he can’t stand being around him. Harsh words from the “good twin.” Hannah’s solution to find peace was to try to kill Daddy Evil (yes, Jon-Boy and Dull were indeed red herrings). Not that I blame her, but I do hope she doesn’t shift her priorities to world peace. That could get bloody. Will this really be the primary reason to bring Hannah onto the canvas, or will there be more use for this character down the road? I hope so, not because I like Hannah, but because her presence could cause conflict for a few of Pine Valley’s residents, which often leads to more complex stories. In other words, bringing her back solely as a device to shoot Daddy Evil would have been a cheap shot. RANDOM CONFESSIONS – AMC An astute reader reminded me that Laurel’s last name was Banning, not Blair. My bad. I actually knew a Laurel Blair, and that’s how the mix-up happened. Also, I want to clarify that the shooter on Tad’s talk show (still can’t remember its name – something to do with truth, perhaps? Anybody? Anybody? Bueller?) meant to shoot Laurel’s gay brother, but shot Laurel instead, who died on the set. Tad shut down production and went into a depression. GH How much did you love Spinelli’s fantasy dance with Lulu? I’m wondering who taught them those great moves and if Kelly “Sam” Monaco provided any tips. I rewound the tape at least eight times, and then brought it to a friend who transferred it to DVD (and called me late to say, “You know, that dance scene was pretty darn funny!”). Why did Sonny take a room at the Metro Court? I could understand if that’s where the wedding was held, or if his driver was unavailable. I mean, he could truck in a load of hooch and hoochie mamas to his very own house, as the boys aren’t staying with him. Ah, but then the lovely Amelia wouldn’t accidentally show up. Now it makes sense. Great job watching over Sonny, Max and Stan! Where was I when Lulu left the dance floor and into a back alley shoot-out seven blocks from Kelly’s? Oh, right, after the Three Stooges fought over the ownership of the garter. Still, it was awfully strange how she ended up where she did. Who knew Rice/Rhys Manor was so close to the ‘hood? Sam invited Jason onto the dance floor, but she was clearly too drunk to dip, which must have been a major relief for ol’ Stone Cold. Sorry, Jerry, but there’s something called “mother’s intuition,” which, in some cases, can see through major facial plastic surgery. Busted! Sam, always remember this: In Vino Veritas (In wine, truth.) Her overindulgence in Champagne had her telling Jason that Elizabeth didn’t take her eyes off him all night. She then proceeded to ramble on about purchasing a wedding dress, which was rather a surprise to Stone Cold, as he never knew that she’s had the occasion to purchase that kind of garment. She managed to cover, but Jason looked like he had his doubts. LINE OF THE WEEK: “You keep this up, Tracy, and you’re going to end up in a padded room right next to Laura!” What a snarky ghost you are, Alan! And I love it! Oh, Sonny, no wonder you always try to get Carly back. What a spotty track record you have. Especially when you have a one-nighter with an evil TV producer and then legally maneuver to shut down production of her show the next day. You know, the show starring your “mistress?” (How many Everyday Heroes staffers will Sonny introduce to his magic penis?) Brendan, the network executive, told Sam and Amelia that any connection with organized crime could cause problems for them with the FCC. I guess he’s convinced that Jason truly is a coffee importer, and has no idea that Amelia blew him off the night before to frolic in the feathers with the Godfather. Ignorance is bliss. LINE OF THE WEEK 2: “This goes way beyond Oopsy-Daisy.” Alan the Ghost, after Luke asked Tracy to put on a blonde wig. Turns out Luke wants her to impersonate Laura at Shadybrook so he can sneak the real deal out. How much time will Tracy end up spending at Shadybrook as a result? Jason sure looked angry when he saw Scotty harassing Lulu. Do you suppose he remembers how Scotty plotted to steal his trust fund all those years ago? Ooh, major storm a-brewin’. Elizabeth could give birth at any moment. She’s with Jason. Guess what’s next? Who are The Jackal’s parental units?
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