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May 17, 2007 AMC As Ryan recited the litany of sins he committed against Greenlee, I found myself wondering why she wanted him back. Finely chiseled abs and cheekbones can only go so far. Leo’s ghost is probably gagging. I had more respect for Greenlee than she seems to have for herself. Yes, sometimes love can make you crazy, but this is insanity! During the extended (non) wedding night revels of Ryan and Annie, I was waiting for him to sensually open a bottle of tequila, pour it in his navel, and invite her to do a body shot. Oh well. “Lily, I could be you forever and never get tired of it.” Uh-oh. Let’s hope Ava doesn’t toss her half-sister down a well. Been there, done that. Yep, as I suspected, Greenlee also wants part of Fusion back. Unfortunately, she didn’t take her shares away from Babe (she could have offered to swap for a new double-wide, far away from Pine Valley). Simone left the shares Ethan gave her to Greenlee. Let the catfights begin! Val! And Opal! It’s like old home week at Erica’s New Beginnings office. Who’s next, Brooke? Petey? LINE OF THE WEEK: “Hi, I’m Mrs. Ryan Lavery.” Not as much of an impact as “Which one of you bitches is my mother?” (Lace), but not bad as an introduction to Annie. I’m still on the fence about NuGreenlee, but the character is true to form. I’ll give Sabine “NuGreenlee” Singh some time before I pass judgment. Wasn’t it funny when Di and Babe compared Annie and Greens to the Olson twins, only scarier? I chuckled. Isn’t it nice that there’s a place to stay in Pine Valley other than the Valley Inn, the Pine Cone, or between a Carey’s legs? Yes, the Yacht Club is now another popular spot to drop your drawers. Just ask Josh! Greenlee claimed that she nearly came home after the Satin Slayer murdered Erin. Fortunately for her, she’s a smart girl. Why return to a town when you’re on a killer’s menu of favorite dishes? How nice! Tad gave KWAK a multi-circle necklace, just like the one they’re pimping on abc.com! I wonder if Sears gave him a discount? LINE OF THE WEEK 2: “I look like Adam, don’t I, holding your baby?” Oh, Stuart. You’re regressing. Don’t try to get KWAK back on the Adam track! Where’s Barbara? I miss her. Particularly as she could really spice up Erica’s new reality show. Pine Valley’s answer to the Osbournes! Will Erica copy Sharon Osbourne and invite Martha Stewart to “lick my scrotum?” Highly doubtful. Maybe she’ll reopen Linden House, as she no longer shares a house with Jack. It would be funny to have Erica’s house overrun with incontinent dogs! In a way, I find it difficult to feel sorry for Hannah and what she feels she missed with Ethan. I think it’s far better not to have known him rather than have had the awful, contentious that Zach shared with their son. All Ethan knew of his mother is that she gave him to a friend for adoption rather than have him claimed by Grampy Evil. Let’s talk real regrets. Zach’s got more than a few. Ava doesn’t seem to approve of Sean’s asking Colby to the prom. Do you think she’ll rig up a bucket of pig’s blood? GH Sam should take a tip from Mini-Mobster-Me and remember that eavesdropping rarely gives you something you want to hear. Will there be a segment of Everyday Heroes that deals with what to do when your boyfriend fathers a child with another woman? How to handle a massive hangover, perhaps? Now that Carly knows that her tormentor during the hostage crisis is her new brother-in-law, do you think the honeymoon’s over? I’ve only ever liked Sonny when he’s being devilishly flirtatious, so I’m enjoying his verbal sparring with Kate Howard. Amelia would probably disagree. (Nice to have the original Amelia back, BTW!) As angry as Carly is about Jerry, how do you think Sonny and Jason will feel about Candy Boy’s bro? Try deadly. Jerry is one lucky dude. Imagine…the one cop who confronts him, Cooper Barrett, has his own secrets to hide. Any other cop might (stress, might) have identified him as the architect of the hostage crisis. Sam, on the other hand, has been extremely unlucky of late. Getting drunk and giving Amelia even more personal info/ammunition to use against her? Bad move. Oh, barf. Now Jerry’s threatening to kill Evil Al unless he kills Sonny and Jason. Won’t Carly be miffed when she hears this! Jax will never sing “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother” again. LINE OF THE WEEK: “What made you come up with the name Jacob Martin?” Lucky, this is your brain after lots of drugs. Check out the initials and get back to me. That is, if you’re not too busy popping pills after you truly recognize the significance. Attention K-Mart shoppers: check Aisle 5, the rape is back. The “seduction” is once again the rape at the Campus Disco. Stick around and perhaps people will remember that GH’s police commissioner was once a rogue who plotted to blow up a Quartermaine cargo ship (the “Tracy!”). Maybe if these writers worked at the White House, we’d be out of Iraq – they can revise anything. Unreal. Hungover and with minimal makeup, Sam still manages to look better than when she’s all tarted up for the Everyday Heroes cameras. That’s the mark of a truly beautiful woman. Damn her! LINE OF THE WEEK 2: “If I’d have known how clever you are, I would have assigned you a higher number.” Jerry to Coop. Uh-oh. Coop and Jerry were nearly nailed by Maxie. That makes this one of the few occasions that brings a sigh of relief to guys from the Chuckles rather than sorrow. In Jax’s contest between Jerry and Jason, who do you think will come out on top with Carly? (Yes, this is a loaded question!) Am I the only one who thinks it strange that people can just randomly show up at Evil Al’s abode? (The same goes for Sonny’s office.) Don’t these mobsters have any security? Who is Evil Al paying to assassinate Sonny and Jason?
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