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May 22, 2008 AMC Riddle me this: vasectomies are procedures normally done at the doctor’s office and do not involve general anesthesia. How, then, could Ryan (and all the others) not know that the doctor did not perform the mini-surgery? Another thing: Ryan’s been potent but lucky ever since the procedure that never happened. It looks like Annie’s going to use Ryan’s ignorance to satisfy her own needs (and if you think this is the first time a woman’s done this to Mr. Lavery, remember that bridge I’ve got for sale in Brooklyn?). Well, it took Jake’s return from Africa to do it, but they finally trotted out Ruth! I admit to a slight bias here: Lee “Ruth” Meriwether was my favorite of the three actresses who played Catwoman on my childhood not-so-guilty pleasure, the camp TV classic Batman! LINE OF THE WEEK: “Usually when men leave me they die…great progress, huh?” Will the no-baby thingie be a deal breaker for Greenlee and Aidan, or will she learn of his one night stand with Kendall first? LINE OF THE WEEK 2: “Those kids are my kids; they’re not part of your ‘Hee-Haw’ nursery school.” You may be in Oak Haven, Adam, but you can still zing with the best of them! Oh, the memories! Lousy mates from the past! Scott Chandler and Carlos for Greenlee; Del Henry, Anton and J.R. for Kendall. I’d say they were about even, although Anton was pretty hot for a medical student AND Hungarian royalty, in spite of the fact that he grew up thinking his mother, Corvina, was his sister, and that he was from humble servant stock, but that’s a whole ‘nother story. Speaking of memories, doesn’t Greg Nelson (Jenny’s widower) look great? What a wedding surprise! (For those of you needing a refresher on Martin/Gardner/Hubbard/Baxter/Nelson/Colby history, I highly recommend All My Children: The Complete Family Scrapbook by Gary Warner. Try Amazon or EBay; it’s long out of print.) It should be interesting to see Tad and Opal’s reaction when they see the love of Jenny’s life. LINE OF THE WEEK 3: “I just saw a picture of you recently. Your hair was a little different and your clothes were kinda retro.” Yep, the fab four – Jesse, Jenny, Angie and Greg. Cue the flashbacks! Weren’t they lovely? Weird. Angie’s room at the casino is the same number – 1223 – as Uncle Rob’s hotel room. Cutbacks in the prop department? “Today’s a huge day, little one.” Tad’s not just whistling…oh, never mind. Angie and Jesse are finally tying the knot in a big splashy wedding surrounded by family and friends. Oh, and one psycho former-FBI agent/drug lord Papel, determined to get his hands on a stuffed elephant. Isn’t it cute that the younger generation are calming Angie and Jesse’s pre-wedding jitters? Oh, let’s face it; you folks all know that I think they walk on water, so who am I kidding! They are precious. This is forever. Ruth. Opal. MARIAN. Greg. I’m nearly as speechless as Tad was when he saw his old brother-in-law and when Opal introduced Greg to his Jenny’s namesake. Marian, worrying that her presence would be upsetting because of Liza’s evil hi-jinks of the past against the fab four. Wow. I’m verklempt. LINE OF THE WEEK 4: “I can live without kids, but I can’t live without you.” Hooray for Spotted Dick! Too bad Jack’s timing was so off. The wedding’s about to begin and – unbeknownst to the bride – surprise guest hip-hop superstar Ne-Yo’s voice will be escorting her down the aisle, courtesy of Jesse. Her breath – and everyone else’s, including mine – was taken away. Bravo, AMC. You pulled off one of daytime’s loveliest weddings. LINE OF THE WEEK 5: “My heart is so full, it takes my breath away.” See, Angie agrees with me! And when they tearfully and joyfully said their vows, stock in Kleenex must have gone way up. It certainly did in my house. GH Dying or comatose loved ones always brings out the best in the GH acting troupe, and this latest tragedy has been no exception, from day one. Steve “Jason” Burton’s farewell to Michael was especially poignant. If several Emmy wins do not result from this story in 2009, I will be absolutely stunned. Speaking of stunned, Peeping Trevor was shocking enough, but nothing can really compare with the No Way Out action in the back of Sonny’s limo. Carly was certainly an aggressive little tigress, no? Meanwhile, out in the boonies, Jason was riding his motorcycle in the driving rains without a helmet as Liz was busily getting a flat tire while locking her keys and phone in the car. Somehow they bumped into each other, which should definitely signal to them both that they are meant to be together! In another case of serendipity, Jerry stabbed Claudia and kicked her off the docks, yet she managed to float over to Spoon Island, where Nik was aimlessly strolling in the rain. If this is meant to throw them together, I know a certain kooky little nurse who won’t be happy. Might she act out like her nutso comatose sister, Jolene? How do you top a final act of hot adulterous anger sex? No, don’t offer a cigar, ask your ex to sign away his rights to his sons! Didn’t see that coming, eh, Sonny? There may be a variety of consequences from that fateful limo ride, none the least of which is the fact that Sonny’s magic penis likely wasn’t wearing a raincoat. How many times has he knocked up Carly? No matter how hard it’s been for her to conceive with Jax, Sonny’s super swimmers usually hit their mark. Besides, it’s been quite a while since he’s impregnated anyone. LINE OF THE WEEK: “Do you think if Morgan lives to grow up that will make up for what you did to Michael?” Ouch, Carly. You really know how to go for the jugular. Carly’s going to make love to Jax after having done the nasty with Sonny. Question: was her hair wet from the rain or from a shower? I just can’t help remembering the night of the hotel fire and Sam/Jax/Sonny/no shower/major paternity issues. Not that a shower would erase the paternity issues, but it would reduce the “yuck” factor. Poor Jason. Not only is he all ripped up about Michael and also his lack of a family life with Elizabeth and Jake, but now Carly’s dropping her considerable troubles on him. As usual. Why does Ric care so much that Alexis is possibly risking her career by letting Luke out of police custody? Luke’s floating Laundromat is not exactly a well-kept secret, yet Alexis persisted and he was released. Strange. Jason naturally suspected that Carly wasn’t telling him the whole story about her problem with Sonny. Smart man. He advised her to stay rational. As if! LINE OF THE WEEK 2: “I pay for what I did to Michael with a little piece of my soul every single time that I think of him.” Claudia’s like Shrek, she’s got as many layers as an onion, and Sarah Brown’s doing a fine job of peeling them back. LINE OF THE WEEK 3: “Well, that was very un-police academy of you.” Why is Lucky just stepping aside as his father blatantly prepares to flee the Chuckles? It’s as obvious as the money laundering, yet everyone’s bending over backwards to enable Luke’s escape. Maybe Anthony “Luke” Geary insisted on starting his annual summer vacation with as little stress as possible. This time, Luke’s taking Tracy and the Zacchara money with him. Bon voyage – see you in September!
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