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May 24, 2007 AMC How totally excellent that Erica’s reality show cameras caught Sean and Ava snogging on the couch! Erica and Jack obviously are not sharing the glee. Ava’s hoping the camera caught the money shot that will do for her what the sex tape did for Paris Hilton. I’m rooting for Greenlee to finally give up on Ryan and take out her frustration by wreaking havoc on Fusion, Pine Valley, and anything else that gets in her way. We need some Greenlee-fueled excitement, STAT. And for once it appears I’m getting my wish. Di has empathy for Ava as she’s been down the same road. Jonathan, conversely, wants her gone, as she’s a con. Um, Jon-Boy, who was it that arrived on his brother’s doorstep with fake Ivy League credentials, a bogus resume and total lack of job skills? Who “saved” money for Fusion by shipping a load of lipsticks in a non-climate-controlled truck? (Said shipment melted, naturally, and cost Fusion a hell of a lot of money.) Why, Jonathan! That was you! SOMETIMES A FANTASY: Janet From Another Planet plants a bomb at Weirdwind. Tad is babysitting Jenny, Kathy and Emma so that KWAK, Julia and Annie can all enjoy the “Welcome Home” party. Babe, too. Jamie’s off at med school and Aidan’s on a case (hey, someone has to help Tad raise “His Three Daughters!”) Dull discovers the bomb just in time to be blown into little Dull bits. Carnage ensues. No more Laverys! Fortunately, JR had Lil’ A for the day (you notice that I, unlike many ABC daytime writers, massacred no children). JR, Tad, Jamie and Aidan move into Linden House with the kids and the show can truly be called “All My Children.” Ah, yes, it’s only a fantasy. Rats. However, my dream of Greenlee back at Fusion and kicking butt did come to fruition. Greenlee became the majority stockholder, as she was able to rescind her shares from Babe. The bitch is back! Unfortunately, Zach added Cambias’ shares of Fusion to Kendall’s in order to level the playing field. They’re equal partners again. Greenlee’s just going to have to work overtime to wreak havoc. Sean’s this generation’s answer to Tad the Cad. Colby, Ava…who’s next? The appropriate choice, of course, would be Marian. Baby love can do strange things. As Greenlee gazed at Spike for the first time, he looked absolutely angelic. A simple baby’s shirt transformed Hard Hearted Hannah into sentimental mush. She made a good point: cemeteries are not for the young. Her grief for Ethan runs deep. LINE OF THE WEEK: “That was not fraud, you knew that when you married me.” KWAK’s response to Adam calling her a tramp! GH Okay, here’s the thing: a few years ago, Jerry Jacks was at the altar with Bobbie Spencer when some uninvited guests showed up and stopped the wedding, taking Jerry into federal custody. Jax virtually sold his soul to Sonny in order to get Jerry out of the pen. Sonny kept his word, and Jerry was free to roam the world, getting into one scrape after another. Now that he’s back, albeit with a different face, why should Jax expect Sonny to cut his brother some slack? Especially since Jerry held Sonny and many of his loved ones hostage at the Metro Court. Shot Robin. Oh, and had a beating or two administered to Sonny. Will Jax be able to trump all that by playing the Ric card? Brotherly love and all that? Not a chance. Alexis has advised Luke to tell Lulu about the rape before she hears it from Scott. Sage advice. Tracy, however, doesn’t think Lulu can handle the truth. Luke doesn’t want a repeat of the rift this news caused between him and Lucky. Short of bumping off Scott or spiriting Laura away, it appears the only road they can go down is the one that ends at the truth, no matter the consequences. Amelia’s gaslighting of Sam is turning nasty. She claims that all she wants is the truth about the night Sam killed her father. Even her evil production assistant thinks she’s going too far. Hmm. I’m wondering if the “prop” gun is actually the real deal. LINE OF THE WEEK: “You really shouldn’t comment on brothers who are psychopaths.” Good one, Alexis! Sonny, however, was not amused, and told her who Jerry has become. Jax may be Alexis’ best friend, but not even that will enable her to defend Jerry. One more friendship compromised. In another test of true friendship, Carly wouldn’t let Jason kill Jerry. Sorry, dear, but I don’t think that the fact that your marriage may tank if Jason kills Jerry trumps the fact that Jerry caused the death of Jason’s father. Unfortunately, Jerry’s decided to pay a visit to Sam. Added bonus: Amelia. A little “Everyday Hero” action? Yes, but foiled by Amelia, who cryptically said, “I can’t watch you kill another man.” Hmm. Sam, do you wonder what she meant by that? LINE OF THE WEEK 2: “I love it how you’re a Spencer when it suits you.” Alexis’ comment to Carly after Carly questioned her priorities, helping Laura or Jax. LINE OF THE WEEK 3: “Escape while you can, Unhinged One.” Jerry thought Spinelli’s name for him was “cute,” but he’s still holding a gun on him (as well as Sam and Amelia). Unfortunately, Jason chose to enter the Lair of Stone Cold at that moment, so Jerry’s got the drop on him, too. Luckily for them, Jerry considers his hold on Emily enough to keep Jason at bay. You may notice that I haven’t commented on Robin and Patrick. Moving on, didn’t you think Skye was pouring that drink for herself? Hell, she’s about to put a hit on the father of her child; who could blame her? Speaking of Skye, don’t you think Evil Al might have noticed that her skin wasn’t all puckered up like a raisin from the long bath she supposedly took when she doffed her robe? Make me barf: Editrix Kate Howard has bought the mansion next to Sonny’s? So now Port Charles is the new alternative to the Hamptons? Skye reminded me of Michael Corleone in The Godfather as she rocked her baby while Jason was about to rock Alcazar’s world. Nicely done. ONE RANDOM CONFESSION I have been enjoying the new life that the outspoken Rosie O’Donnell has brought to The View, and am disappointed that she chose not to renew her contract (or whatever). However, after yesterday’s near-brawl with co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck, I would not be surprised if Barbara Walters’ next words spoken on the show were “And then there were three” (which is how she opened the show the day after Star Jones’ implosion). Despite their ideological differences, Rosie and Elisabeth seemed able to maintain a friendship. They worked at it. Rosie took Elisabeth to her first Opening Night of a Broadway show, had play dates with their children, etc. Yesterday’s show may have destroyed all that. I feel that part of the blame should be assigned to whomever was directing the show. He or she chose not to break for commercial, which allowed the verbal spat to continue, and then cut to a split screen a la Jerry Springer. It was rather disturbing. (If Barbara Walters had been present, I wonder how it would have been handled.) After the break finally came, the first guest was actress Alicia Silverstone, who seemed to deliberately snub Elisabeth, walking past her to greet Joy, Rosie and guest co-host Sherri Shepherd. To say the atmosphere was tense would be a gross understatement. Rosie has taken today (Thursday) off, but a spokesperson for The View claims it was pre-arranged. Friday’s show, as usual, has already been taped. Will Rosie return for her final three weeks of her contract? I fervently hope so. However, if things have gotten too toxic on the set, I would not blame her for cutting her stay a little short.
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