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May 31, 2007 AMC You can take the girl out of the trailer park, but…well, you know the rest. Proof positive? When KWAK ordered a “Kir Royale, easy on the cassis” – at the Roadside, no less, which was unlikely to have either of the ingredients, or the proper glass. You see, a kir is a combination of champagne and crème de cassis. A Kir Royale marries champagne with Chambord, the French raspberry liqueur. Go back to the double wide and have yourself a PBR (Pabst Blue Ribbon), KWAK. More your style. Aww. JR and Lil’ A have matching haircuts. How A-dorable! Actually, Jacob “JR” Young now resembles actor Chris Lowell, whom I first noticed when he played lovelorn Jonathan on life as we know it, which lasted half a season. He then moved on to play “Piz” on Veronica Mars, and will next be on the Grey’s Anatomy spinoff, Private Practice, where he plays Dell, the hunky receptionist/surfer boy. This comparison should be considered a compliment! Now that Babe’s lost her Fusion shares, I’ll bet KWAK’s going to knock back a few more PBRs, having given Adam back his Chandler shares. Ketchup soup, anyone? Do you think Zach gave Hannah the baby he “owed” her? The bed wasn’t disheveled, but that hardly matters. However, at her age, will a quickie be sufficient to knock her up? That usually works only with teenagers and people who don’t wish to get pregnant. My vote is no. Which all means we may be seeing a very preggers Hannah return to Pine Valley in a few months. Ryan’s becoming an eco-friendly venture capitalist? With whose backing? Did he manage to squirrel away some money when he ran Cambias Industries, or did he make tons of deposits at the Bank of Sperm (prior to his vasectomy, of course)? Di’s been reading too much Stephen King (It) if pictures of clowns make her thing of children-eating clowns who live in the sewers. Check out Kate Brown’s wonderful column for her own special take on these clown pictures. You won’t be sorry! Jonathan went from combing his hair in a FauxHawk (a la Maddox Jolie-Pitt) to a style reminiscent of Belgian comic strip character Tintin. Odd. Why is JR staying at the Chandler Mansion? Isn’t he dead to Adam? KWAK sold her jewels (unwittingly to Palmer) and bought the Roadhouse, something she and Babe can share. How appropriate. A sleazy roadside saloon. Honey, we’re home! GH I’m enjoying the bitchfest between Carly and Kate, Just wait until Carly learns of the Bensonhurst Connection…the fur will fly! Bad idea to tell Sonny to “sit on it,” in classic Brooklyn sweathog fashion, Kate! Okay, granted, “Sit on it!” was really Fonzie’s catchphrase, but he was always more Brooklyn than Milwaukee. Ric’s being annoyingly persistent in his search for Evil Al. Questioning Skye repeatedly, breaking into Casa Alcazar, unfortunately finding Evil Al’s hidden taped recorder with all its secrets…implicating Jason. By denying he’s James Craig and declaring he’s a very clueless Jerry Jacks, isn’t Jerry making those who know the truth – Jax, Alexis, Carly, Nik, et al complicit? It appears so. Even Alexis has offered her legal services. Emily denied that he was James Craig, as did Nik. Carly also drank the Kool-Aid. Now Jerry can hide in plain sight. As the Quartermaines tried desperately to keep Lulu out of the courtroom and still in the dark, Bobbie did her best to get Scott to stop the custody suit. Personally, as her biological son has custody of Laura, I really don’t see how an ex-husband (the first of several) can wrest her away. Sam’s scheming to get Jason to tell her about his love child will likely blow up in her face, as most schemes do. She’s going to take him on a picnic, hoping to end up near Liz and the kids. A situation she hopes will cause Jason to confess all. Even Sonny’s suspicions were stirred. Has Elizabeth been wearing that General Hospital t-shirt so we’ll all be compelled to go to abc.com and shop the soaps? (BTW, it’s now called “As Seen On,” but is as mercenary as ever.) First Bobbie, then Lesley showed up at Laura’s custody hearing. How much of their unsavory pasts will Scott drag out? Unfortunately, he never got the opportunity, as he made Nik tell the court about the rape at the Campus Disco (which I would think is hearsay, as Nik wasn’t even born then). More unfortunately, Lulu showed up in court at that precise moment. Will Tracy’s maternal instinct (who knew she had any?) be confirmed? Even more important: will Luke be able to restore his daughter’s shattered trust? LINE OF THE WEEK: “Unless Sonny’s four-year-old decided to join the family business as a hit man, I’d say that Alcazar just identified his own murderer. It’s time to bring in Jason Morgan.” The not-so-innocent D.A. of Darkness, after Mac played him the tape found at Alcazar’s. RANDOM CONFESSIONS Well, sadly, I called it. Rosie is off The View. About two-thirds of the letters I received supported my take on the situation, with another third disagreeing. Hey, that’s the whole premise of The View – women with a variety of opinions – so I’m cool with that. They were smart to ask Whoopi Goldberg to co-host the first live show after the blowup (Rosie’s personal choice to replace her, and she gets my vote, too), but the show was, frankly, dull. Almost as if on purpose. The second show had financial guru Suze Orman sitting in, but was still dull, though Joy Behar seemed to break out a little with a few good zingers. Leading contenders for Rosie’s chair include Goldberg, Roseanne Barr, Kathy Griffin and Sherri Shepherd. They’re all good, but Goldberg would be great. Problem? She has an early morning radio show, and I don’t know what kind of commitment she has there. Bette Midler was even mentioned, and while I think she’d be tremendous, she’s probably too expensive. She’s also committed to take over for Celine Dion in Vegas next year, not a short-term gig. Plus, people would confuse her with Joy! (I’m not making that up – Joy has said on many occasions that people have thought they were the same person. There is a resemblance, and a similar bawdy sense of humor, but…don’t ask Joy to sing!) I’m going to continue to watch for now, but Barbara Walters is going to have to pull another rabbit out of her hat as she did by hiring Rosie if The View is going to keep my attention. In the meantime, I wish Rosie all the best, and hope she has a marvelous summer with her family and the few projects she’s already announced. I hope a major announcement will soon be forthcoming. Until then, I will continue to read and enjoy her blog at rosie.com. Some of the short films she posts there are quite creative. I also have to thank her for turning me on to “Chasing Cars’ by Snow Patrol. That, plus opening my eyes these past nine months to the continuing horrors suffered by Katrina survivors, 9/11 responders, and our many wounded -- and dead -- men and women of our armed services, serving in a questionable (to put it politely) war. Peace out, Ro. BRADFORD “SPINELLI” ANDERSON TAKES MANHATTAN! Speaking of pulling rabbits out of a hat, Debby O’Connor is continuing her expansion of actors’ events in the Big Apple and is bringing Bradford Anderson to NYC. I’ll be there, and will be providing you with special coverage of his event. Perhaps some extra special coverage! Keep your eye on this space!
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