Media Ho (noun): A person who retains far too much information about people/places/things having to do with the media world, including (but not limited to) television, movies, music, pop culture, and the movers/shakers/performers in those worlds. Constantly frustrated by friends’ refusal to play any one of the versions of Trivial Pursuit with her. Result: this column, which will deal mostly with the rumors currently out there about ABC Daytime programs and players, delving deeply into them and offering further insight/commentary, drawing on that retained information as well as other sources.

June 5, 2008

AMC 

Tad’s walking towards the light with Ghost DBB, and it seems the only person who can pull him back – strangely enough – is Adam. He’s finally decided to come clean about Kate/Kathy, but he’s refused entry to Tad’s room by an overzealous Jake and Aidan. Fortunately, Ghost DBB unselfishly thinks he should be with their daughter. It’s sort of the classic good versus evil conflict (especially in Adam’s head), and it’s fairly obvious which will triumph in the end.

Greenlee, in revenge mode, showed up at Spike’s birthday party. “I just lost 185 pounds and I feel great!” And that’s only the tip of her iceberg.

Doesn’t it seem like Maria and the rest of the Santos clan are taking their sweet time coming to Pine Valley to collect Julia and Kathy? How long will it take Kathy to start wondering why she’s been with the Chandlers for so long? Wouldn’t it have made more sense if one of the Weirdwind Scoobies whom she once lived with had been taking care of her? Amanda, for instance? Oh, wait, that would have made sense and also made good use of Amanda. My bad. All that aside, isn’t Kathy going to start wondering where her Aunt Julia has been all this time?

Oh, geez, it is Armageddon – Palmer’s at PVH, playing Old Coot to Opal’s Old Windbag. Hooray! End of days never looked so good!

LINE OF THE WEEK: “Kendall always has the best spread in town. Ask Aidan.” Perhaps I was wrong about Armageddon taking place at PVH. It appears Greenlee’s just warming up. YOWZA!

How do you tell a child that her second adoptive parent has died but that her biological dad is alive – and, better still, is someone she already knows and loves? How does a child take all that in? I’m cautiously looking forward to this scene, but I’m sure I’ll be gnawing away at a knuckle or something. More likely, I’ll be hugging a warm furry cat body, soaking her coat with tears and setting myself up for kitty blackmail (“Treats every day or I’m ratting you out as a softy!” Don’t make me use the claws!”).

Good ol’ Jake offered Aidan a shoulder to cry on about Greenlee. You know, the old “been there, done her” thing. Meanwhile, Greenlee stumbled upon Ryan at the beach and reached out for a little comfort of her own. And Annie’s trying to get herself knocked up by Ryan (and the help of a fertility doc) to try and hang on to him and their marriage. Please, somebody, stop me before I yawn so wide that I swallow my head.

How ironic that Adam went to visit Erica in prison, needing a favor, when it was his stock tip that put her there. Ironic, too, that one of the few times Adam did the right thing, he became the town pariah and needs the support of the woman he twice divorced. Appropriately, Erica immediately figured out that Adam knew about Kate/Kathy for a long time, and gave him what for. He deserved everything she said, and more. This time he even deserved her advice to go home and get his family back.

The fertility specialist told Annie she might experience mood shifts as a side effect of the treatment. Really? Do you think anyone might notice?

GH 

Don’t piss Jason off. The new boss in town’s first official action was to torch the Zacchara mausoleum, um, mansion, in retaliation for his shipment going kaboom. Speak softly and carry a big gas can, right, Jase?

Meanwhile, Carly’s swearing up and down that she’ll fight for Jax and their marriage as hard as she fought for her sons. She actually told Jax that he was right about everything. These are not baby steps for Carly; this is a new, dare I say mature, Carly. Impressive. Will it last?

It’s nice to see Sonny flash those dimples at Kate again. Charming, flirty Sonny is the version I prefer, so perhaps getting out of the mob will end up being a good thing for him. I can dream, can’t I?

Did anyone else notice that what started out as a simple barbed wire-sort of tat around his bicep has crept up Tyler “Nik” Christopher’s arm and over his shoulder? There oughta be a law that all body art parlors should have a sign over the entrance that reads, “Imagine what it will look like when you’re a senior citizen before our ink touches your body.” Just an observation.

When Lulu told Johnny he could bunk at her place, I was wondering how the Quartermaines would react, considering she’s staying at the mansion. It didn’t take long! Enter the dragon…Tracy! Needless to say, she was not amused. Neither was Edward. Can anyone say “reprobate” better than Eddie Q.? I’ve missed hearing that (and other terms of nonaffection) since the days of Zander. Oh, he’s used it now and then, but I think he’ll be spewing them out nonstop now that Lulu’s brought Johnny into their lives.

The détente between Jax and Carly lasted until Jason’s name came up. Jax insisted that he brings as much danger to the table as Sonny, and Carly refused to give up her best friend. Do you hear the rumble of thunder getting closer?

Jerry sure looks nice without those little patches of hair scattered about his face. Coincidentally, brother Jax scraped off the fuzz he grew while in Rome not seeing Brenda. Clean-shaven Jacks dudes are handsome Jacks dudes!

Will Kate have business cards made up for Sonny that read “Michael Corinthos, Intimidator-in-Chief, Crimson?” He’s quite good at it, Heck he knows that magazine distribution involves trucks, and who knows how trucks run – or don’t run – better than an ex-mobster?

Amazing! A scene with Monica at the rehab facility! Too bad she’s under the impression that Jason’s going to turn his life around in order for some good to come from her grandson’s tragic shooting/coma/ Working for Sonny has brought him nothing but heartache and pain, so get out now! Um, Monica, timing is everything and, unfortunately, you’re a couple of weeks too late.

Lulu’s real brave and all, throwing words like “skank” and “slut” around Claudia. Does she really think Claudia’s love for Johnny makes her invulnerable from her wrath?

Spinelli is trying to impress the ladies with his horticultural knowledge now. You know what they say, you can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her like opera. Oh, wait, that was his initial pickup attempt at Jake’s. This one turned out to be a lesbian. What’s next, a tranny?

“Skank vs. Little Girl” Well, it probably won’t get a spot on Big Alice’s Wrestlemania roster, but Claudia vs. Lulu might be interesting, especially if Carly also throws down. More, please!