Media Ho (noun): A person who retains far too much information about people/places/things having to do with the media world, including (but not limited to) television, movies, music, pop culture, and the movers/shakers/performers in those worlds. Constantly frustrated by friends’ refusal to play any one of the versions of Trivial Pursuit with her. Result: this column, which will deal mostly with the rumors currently out there about ABC Daytime programs and players, delving deeply into them and offering further insight/commentary, drawing on that retained information as well as other sources.

June 26, 2008

AMC 

Why on earth would Kendall bring the editor of a major women's magazine to observe the inner workings of Fusion at its most dysfunctional? Granted, it has been in extreme distress before, but the press had never been invited in - not deliberately, anyway.

It's a good thing for Greenlee that she doesn't have a pet bunny, because Annie would have it bubbling on the stovetop like a pot of Sunday sauce. She'd best keep her eye on Alfonso, though.

Why has it taken everyone so long to realize that Kathy misses Julia? One minute they were enjoying Angie and Jesse's wedding, the next, POOF! Julia disappears from Kathy's side. For good. Finally, days later, she's told that Aunt Julia's in heaven but Tad's her actual, real, honest-to-goodness (ahem) daddy. Plus, she's got this ginormous new family! Here's the thing: this little six year old is pining for her most recent family, Julia and the whole Santos clan. Strangely, they haven't come to town. Nor did she have an opportunity to say a proper goodbye to her Aunt Julia. I'm not advocating a funeral service, as that may have been too much for the child, but some form of closure would have been more than appropriate, especially for this once front-and-center character and the actress who portrayed her - as a show of respect, if nothing else. (I had visions of Julia walking toward the light, where a silhouetted figure of a tall, handsome, dreadlocked man stood, reaching out to her, as she whispered, “Nine years is a small price to pay for eternal happiness.” But I digress.)

I would comment on Greenlee's request that Aidan give her “the fist,” but I think I'll refrain.

Would Adam have given Colby the keys to a cabin in the woods if Sean Montgomery hadn't disappeared from Pine Valley?

Speaking of Sean, you know what's the saddest thing about his absence? It means that Barbara will probably not be coming back to town. How about a compromise? I think Greenlee's mom, Mary Smythe, needs to pay a meddlesome visit. Bonus for her: Erica's still in prison, making Jackson an easier target. And Greenlee's current brainstorm is just screaming out for a visit from Mommie Dearest: she asked one ex-fiancé (Jake) to move in with her in order to put the brakes on her feelings for another ex-fiancé (Aidan). What could possibly come of this?

There's something else puzzling me. Why on earth would they re-cast Colby, ostensibly to have her enter into a romance with Frankie (or possibly 'Dre), then have the guys in romantic mode with Randi and Cassie (respectively)? Well, whenever there's an odd lack of continuity on television these days, the writers' strike is blamed. I supposed that make as much sense as anything else about the re-cast.

Was Opal wearing the famous Michelle Obama dress at Richie's bail hearing? Her taste is certainly improving, not to mention her tarot card reading skills, as she saw death coming for Richie weeks ago. Dum-da-dum-dum.

RANDOM CONFESSIONS:

I was thinking how cool it would have been if Kendall had brought Donald Steele in to observe the dynamic at Fusion. Alas (for us), Chip “Donald Steele” Zien is currently wowing Broadway audiences in a revival of Clifford Odets' “The Country Girl” (through July 10 at the Bernard B. Jacobs Theater). The cast includes Frances McDormand, Morgan Freeman, Peter Gallagher and Rene Auberjonois, but Zien has been singled out by critics for his masterful portrayal of a sleazy character. Although he's on stage with a couple of Oscar winners, it doesn't surprise me that he's a standout, as I've seen him cited in previous reviews as a scene-stealer, or something equally complimentary. Note to Chip and TPTB: it is possible to pull double-duty on Broadway and daytime…wouldn't it be great if Erica gave her first post-prison print interview to Donald Steele? Wouldn't you have loved to see him cover her trial, or the soon-to-be-ended courtroom appearances of Richie Novak?
 

GH 

Claudia really is a breath of much-needed fresh air. I mean, really, how many women have dreamed of giving Jason a sponge bath and who has actually had the nerve to attempt to squeegee those washboard abs? Kudos, Ms. Zacchara - you act where many just dare to dream!

That Quartermaine boathouse has a certain history with the town's Scoobies. The first time I remember seeing it was when Jason, Jagger and Karen Wexler took off on their ill-fated boating jaunt. A couple of lost virginities later (Emily, Lulu) and now it's front and center in the Maxie-Johnny-Lulu triangle. Oh, if those walls could talk!

Speaking of talking walls, the PCPD has seen its share of action, but rarely as amusing as when Alexis announced to one and all that she'd boinked “that man over there.” It looked like Mac, who was standing next to Jerry (the boinkee), was frantically gesturing that it wasn't him. Carly was certainly enjoying the scene (but secretly praying that she and the D.A. were not going to be in-laws anytime soon). As for me, I was loving it, especially the Diane/Alexis verbal sparring that ensued. When was the last time two strong, intelligent women shared such a rapport in the Chuckles? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Question: would the editor of Crimson wear such a flashy, five-carat engagement ring? Surprisingly, yes, and with much enthusiasm. What's next, big hair like Michelle Pfeiffer and the gals in Married to the Mob?

Hmm. Carly feels dizzy and nauseous. What could that POSSIBLY mean? Another “who's the daddy” dilemma? Pardon me while I snore.

Amazing. Logan speaks! He was apparently rendered mute after becoming Anthony Zacchara's male nurse/bodyguard. It almost seemed like punishment for an actor who, oh, I don't know, may have fallen out of favor with TPTB. After weeks of silence, Logan started speaking to Lulu again, urging her to stay away from Johnny. Whatever could that signify?

LINE OF THE WEEK: “You're protesting too much and I think I know why.” Really, Jax? Is Sonny's limo driver on your payroll?

Jax assured Carly that he's not one of those guys who need to procreate. I'm wondering how long it will take for him to insist on adopting Michael and Morgan and changing their surname to “Jacks.” That would definitely distract Sonny from his upcoming wedding!

LINE OF THE WEEK 2: “I don't want to share anything with Kate.” Sorry, Carly, I think you're a bit late…pun intended!

RANDOM CONFESSIONS:

Did you watch the Daytime Emmy Awards on June 20? Thankfully, I was exhausted from my business trip, so I taped it in order to zap through the commercials. I ended up zapping through much of the show. I thought it was BORING beyond words. For me, the bar was set a couple of years ago, when Rick Springfield opened the show with a mini-concert outside the Kodak Theater, then ran down the aisle of the auditorium, playing and singing, ending up on stage, rocking the audience through the roof. There were other great moments like that throughout the show, but nothing touched that opening. Granted, a lot of the ennui was caused this year by the few nominations given to ABC soaps, but I think the producers need to go back and look at that particular show for inspiration. Of course I would be remiss if I didn't congratulate GH on its two BIG wins: Tony Geary for Outstanding Lead Actor and the show itself for Outstanding Daytime Drama (though it boggles the mind how another show can get awards for its directing and writing teams, yet lose the obvious next prize). Next year I expect a more exciting show and several more acting nominations (especially for AMC's Darnell “Jesse” Williams and Debbi “Angie” Morgan).