Media Ho (noun): A person who retains far too much information about people/places/things having to do with the media world, including (but not limited to) television, movies, music, pop culture, and the movers/shakers/performers in those worlds. Constantly frustrated by friends’ refusal to play any one of the versions of Trivial Pursuit with her. Result: this column, which will deal mostly with the rumors currently out there about ABC Daytime programs and players, delving deeply into them and offering further insight/commentary, drawing on that retained information as well as other sources.

July 3, 2008

AMC 

Erica and Samuel were, unfortunately, reliving the horrors of solitary confinement when the entire prison went into lockdown. She’d just said how she’d survived worse, which is certainly true, but went into total freak-out mode when she realized she was penned in again. I can understand her claustrophobia, but only to a point. The first and last time I attempted to have a closed MRI test, I had a total panic attack, but that was like being in a coffin. This is a bit different. She’s in a cell, true, but it’s not exactly tiny, and she has company this time. There has to be more to this.

Richie’s latest reign of terror turned out to be Jesse’s first case as Chief of Police. (Good thing Angie came to her senses and gave him her blessing!) He jumped right into the thick of things, interrogating Zach about Richie’s activities. Meanwhile, Annie was swiftly becoming the world’s worst liar, blurting out “Greenlee?” when she learned that her brother had kidnapped one of the Fusion gals. That sure puzzled Ryan (but that’s so easy, it’s barely worth mentioning),

Holy lip-lock interruptus! Would Erica and Samuel have erased their demons in the solitary confinement cell if the warden hadn’t shown up?

Speaking of scandalous smooches, how ‘bout that one Adam planted on KWAK? Too bad for Carmen that she walked in on that scene right when she started working at Casa Chandler. A smart cookie would use that as job security insurance, and we all know Ms. Morales has street smarts galore.

Hooray for Greenlee and Kendall, who managed – with Babe’s help – to overpower Richie and truss him up like a Thanksgiving turkey. Now it’s time to teach him a lesson!

The girls’ night party at the Chandler lodge got more interesting when the guys showed up with beer. This was the first time we’ve seen ‘Dre’s other band mates in what seems like forever. Were those buckets of wings from The Chicken Shack?

LINE OF THE WEEK: “Dirt is dirt and people are people and I can take care of both.” Remember what I said about Carmen’s street smarts? She put Adam right in his place and cemented that little insurance policy in place at the same time. You go, girl!

Ooh! Is Annie going to secretly kill her brother and slip away, leaving the other girls wondering what happened – and looking guilty as hell? Bet your bottom dollar!
 

GH 

Carly, Carly, Carly. Jason was right to be nervous when Diane confirmed that she said she had “a plan.” Hands down, this is one of Carly’s dumbest plans ever, and that’s a pretty big statement. The idea that she and Jason had comfort sex while standing vigil over Michael is even more ludicrous than the actual comfort sex she shared with Sonny.

Speaking of Sonny, his brain has truly turned to oatmeal since leaving “the life.” Telling Jax that his wife might need to take a paternity test was like lighting the fuse attached to a keg of gunpowder.

As for Jason? Color him pissed off, and rightly so. Carly doesn’t even know if she’s pregnant for sure and she’s spinning these elaborate lies, involving him in a most awkward way. He can’t even be a father to his actual flesh-and-blood son and Carly’s asking him to pose as her baby daddy – again? Friendship only goes so far, Carly Babes.

It appears that the new resident, Dr. Matt, is going to be competing with Patrick for the title of “Most Annoying Doctor, Ever.” What with that and the inevitable love triangle with Maxie and Spinelli, he’s going to be mighty busy.

Carly finally took the pregnancy test and guess what? She’s not knocked up! This may be the first time in daytime history that a woman slept with two men within hours of each other and didn’t have a mystery bambino to show for it, not to mention paternity suits up the wazoo. However, she’s probably going to strangle herself on the web of deceit she foolishly started weaving, and she sorta deserves it.

Now that there’s no pregnancy, Sonny and Carly are using their limo sex as potential ammunition against the other. Sonny wants to know how long he has to pay for what happened to Michael. Personally, I’d say eternity would be a good starting point.

Mayor Floyd must be really tight with those pharmaceutical companies if he’s continuing to fight Nik about the clinic. REALLY tight. Seems odd that said companies could be so threatened by a clinic in a sleepy little upstate New York town. Then again, that town boasts a few mob families, billionaire industrialists, super spies and fashion journalism, so go know.

Question: when will Max finally start calling Carly “Mrs. J.?” And doesn’t he work for Jason now? He certainly spends a lot of time hanging out at Sonny’s (not to mention that he still refers to him as “Boss”). Make up your mind, dude! Oh wait, my bad – Sonny’s pumping him for mob business information. Looks like everyone who said he could never leave the old life behind was right. Just ask Bernie!

Is involvement with counterfeit drugs now a prerequisite for working at General Hospital? First Devlin, now (possibly) Matt Hunter? How wrong is that?

RANDOM CONFESSIONS

Annoying station logos in the corner of the screen have morphed into promos, sometimes animated, for other network shows. I remember someone writing in to the New York Daily News when the logos first appeared (about ten years ago), and calculated the percentage of his screen that was shadowed by the logo. He then planned to subtract that percentage from his cable bill remittance. Well, that fellow must be going bonkers these days!

In a time when blatant product placement – ostensibly to make up for viewers who zap through paid commercials – has even caught the eye of the FCC, it’s odd that AMC and GH (and probably other shows) have omitted showing scenes from their next episode, using budget woes as an excuse. They’re promoting other programs instead of giving viewers a sneak peek at their next show. So, I ask, by what percentage have our programs been reduced? In the current climate, when daytime cross-promotes with Campbell’s and Walgreen’s, I quote Jo “Supernanny” Frost (Wednesday night at 9 on ABC) and say, “That’s unacceptable.”