Media Ho (noun): A person who retains far too much information about people/places/things having to do with the media world, including (but not limited to) television, movies, music, pop culture, and the movers/shakers/performers in those worlds. Constantly frustrated by friends’ refusal to play any one of the versions of Trivial Pursuit with her. Result: this column, which will deal mostly with the rumors currently out there about ABC Daytime programs and players, delving deeply into them and offering further insight/commentary, drawing on that retained information as well as other sources.

July 24, 2008

AMC 

Oh, I'm loving this: Annie's little pregnancy ploy blew up right in her face! Since Ryan knows he didn't have his vasectomy reversed, he logically assumed that Annie got knocked up elsewhere! Too late to inform hubby that the procedure was never done in the first place!

Meanwhile, Erica's being held at shivpoint by a deranged inmate who swears Erica slept with her husband. The irony? Jack swore up and down that Erica would never have stepped out with another woman's man. (Slept with, sure, but stepped out? Never!)

The SORASed Petey Cortlandt could easily pass for a young Alfred Van der Poole. Rumor has it that he's supposed to be Pine Valley's answer to Port Charles' nerdy-yet-cool Spinelli. So far, I don't see it.

Too bad Greenlee and Kendall didn't fire Annie sooner. Now that she's pregnant, she can sue for discrimination. You snooze, you lose, ladies!

And now Ryan may be trapped in a bad marriage by a baby he didn't want - and shouldn't have been able to conceive. Reminds me of Joey (pre-Jake) Martin and Emily Ann Sago, not to mention Jake Martin and crazy Dr. Allie Doyle, neither of which panned out. Have I missed anyone? Erica's marriage to Tom Cudahy imploded because she was secretly preventing them from getting pregnant, so that doesn't count.

LINE OF THE WEEK: “At least you got some mouth-to-mouth. I would kill for some of that action.” Why should Amanda have to kill for some action? Has Pine Valley's water system been tainted with saltpeter instead of Libidizone? What is wrong with the men in this town?

While the Scoobies were hanging by the Yacht Club pool, I took another look at Petey with his goofy sunglasses, skinny bod and poufy hair and thought, “Hmm. Reminds me of a young Tad the Cad.” Looks-wise, anyway, and it makes sense, since they're half-brothers.

Why would Erica, on her first day out of prison, show up at her new digs (the Yacht Club) in yet another version of her orange prison jumpsuit? Surely Jackson brought her an ensemble designed expressly for her release, no?

LINE OF THE WEEK 2: “The lineage in this town is astounding.” Yes, Jess, make a right and trip over a Martin. Strange but true.

First she threw suspicion on Zach, now she's aiming for the Scoobies after fortuitously overhearing their not-so-quiet pact of silence. Turns out that Richie wasn't the only evil and manipulative branch of the Novack tree after all.

GH 

What will Lucky do first, slap Harper around for endangering Lulu or pat Jason on the back for deflecting his partner's shot? Neither one, but I'll bet he's missing his former partner Cruz right now. I certainly do!

Kate's playing hardball now, even enlisting Clarice's assistance in making Jax think Carly deliberately withheld Crimson business messages from him. Her inner Connie is shining through, and I'm sure Carly will soon discover how truly Bensonhurst her enemy is. Next step: blow her out of the water. I mean, with Jax moving out, a girl's got to keep busy!

Look who's running interference for Russian mobster Karpov - Cody Paul, who was incarcerated last year for the mercy killing of Dr. Lainey Winters' father. Seems Diane Miller got him off, and Jason's kindness to Cody when he was doing community service with a mop at GH led Cody to warn him about Karpov. This could get interesting.

I loved it when Carly sang “To All The Girls You've Loved and Dumped Before” to Jax. She even mentioned Miranda and Chloe! You called him on it, lady - when the going gets tough, he gets going!

LINE OF THE WEEK: “Just like my mother the night Rick Webber died.” With that one sentence, get ready for the brief return of Genie “Laura” Francis as her daughter's behavior starts to mirror her own. This has great potential, especially for Julie “Lulu” Berman, who always shone in scenes with Francis.

Riddle me this: why would a seemingly shady doctor take a room at the police commissioner's house? Why would said room be available to an outsider in the first place? Look no further - Robin's meddling once again!

What do I think of Lucky's faux hawk? I try not to. Maddox Jolie-Pitt wears it well; Lucky looks better with longer locks. Just sayin'!

Sweet Sam has morphed into Super Vigilant Sam, working to rid the Chuckles of fake pharmaceuticals. It's an entirely new look for her, but I like it so far.

On the subject of new looks, you've doubtless seen the rumors on the 'Net that a GH “ingénue” is, in real life, with child. I've noticed two characters wearing very blousy blouses lately: Sam and Nadine. Now Sam is slightly past the ingénue stage, but Nadine - and that frilly blue Empire-waist style blouse she's sporting lately - would seem to fit the bill. Your thoughts?

GH:NS

The second season of General Hospital: Night Shift premiered this week (a little too late in the evening for this East Coast resident). My initial impression? Let's hope it just got off to a slow start. Beginning with that cheesy car crash, leading to the fast departure of the generally despised chief of staff, Dr. Ford, and the even faster elevation of Patrick to acting chief of staff (shouldn't there be a minimum age requirement for such a position?), I was underwhelmed. New intern Kyle, a big blond loaf of Wonder Bread, is Dr. Leo Julian's brother? Funny, he doesn't look Persian. Then there's the blatant Grey's Anatomy ripoff, with Kyle - who's gay! - bonding with a blonde female intern who thought they could be more than friends, until he revealed he's just not that into girls. (George/Izzie, anyone?)

However, let's get positive. Antonio “Jagger” Sabato, Jr. is back! Now had anyone asked me, I would have had Patrick assume it was Robin in the shower, drop trou, and join “her.” THAT would have been a cool way to reintroduce Jagger to Port Charles! (It also would have illustrated the fact that no way could Jagger cram his biceps into one of Patrick's shirts.)

Seeing Antonio Sabato, Jr. again made some of the above palatable. I'll tune in again for him, Tristan “Robert Scorpio” Rogers, and the promise of Epiphany/Toussaint. I sincerely hope they'll be enough to hold my attention. Something tells me they will.