Media Ho (noun): A person who retains far too much information about people/places/things having to do with the media world, including (but not limited to) television, movies, music, pop culture, and the movers/shakers/performers in those worlds. Constantly frustrated by friends’ refusal to play any one of the versions of Trivial Pursuit with her. Result: this column, which will deal mostly with the rumors currently out there about ABC Daytime programs and players, delving deeply into them and offering further insight/commentary, drawing on that retained information as well as other sources.

July 31, 2008

AMC 

LINE OF LAST WEEK: “Everybody likes a little chocolate.” When Sam Woods said those words to Jackson, first my jaw dropped, then I yelped, “You did NOT just say that!” Then I laughed my ass off. After that, I wondered: will Erica be getting into “the swirl” for the first time?

Aren't you tired of Kendall proclaiming that Ryan and Greenlee were the greatest love story of all time? Does she not remember Leo? Mr. duPres, to me, was the love of Greenlee's life. Ryan? To an extent, yes, but not all that close. Even Ryan would probably admit that Princess Gillian was his true love.

Speaking of Kendall, it sure was nice to see her share some romantic and passionate love in the afternoon with Zach. It's been a while. Even Greenlee and Aidan had a sexy romp in the feathers. Let's hope Ryan (who was offered, but got zip) wasn't on anyone's mind.

Whenever Stuart shows up, I am reminded of just how fine an actor David (Adam/Stuart) Canary is…it's like night and day, dark and light.

Colby came clean with KWAK, and what was most amusing about that was that she expected KWAK to tell her to “do the right thing” and turn herself in. As if! (And where's the lecture about underage, solitary drinking, while we're at it? Bar owner or not, surely KWAK sees something wrong with Colby's behavior. One hopes.)

Sam Woods is really serious about his evening out with La Kane. Not only does he have a dozen long-stemmed American Beauties in hand, he's wearing the tie she gave him! Look out, Jackson…guess who's coming to dinner!

Wow! Jake actually told Frankie how his one-time mother-in-law, Donna Sago (Emily Ann's mom, back when Jake was a student called Joey) was a prostitute, so he's not judging Randi. Kudos, writers!

LINE OF THIS WEEK: “I'm just a hopeless groupie that worships at the altar of the great god Ryan.” You and how many others, Greenlee?
 

GH 

Scott Baldwin, special prosecutor/pit bull, is determined to pin son Logan's murder on Johnny Zacchara, and if Lulu gets caught in the crossfire (literally), that's simply collateral damage. Nik and Lucky, understandably, are furious at Baldwin for going on television, offering up pictures of the lovebirds on the run and a reward for their capture. Added to that the mention of Johnny being armed and dangerous, and Lulu's brothers are fit to be tied. Baldwin, naturally, doesn't care. It's a pity it took his son's death to make him care about the guy.

As predicted here, the battle of egos is escalating between Patrick and Matt. Why hasn't Patrick played the “I'm acting chief of staff and you're not” card? I thought what happened on the night shift also happened on the day shift this summer. Interesting.

Isn't it bizarre that the people allowing Johnny and Lulu (AKA Joe and Linda) to stay in his former piano teacher's New York City apartment were made orphans by the Zacchara family? I mean, really, what are the odds?

Now that Anna's about to become a grandmother, I wonder if she ever thinks about Leora, her child with Dr. David Hayward, a child they lost after heart surgery? Since that part of her life happened in Pine Valley, I suppose not.

Rick (Noah/Eli Love) Springfield performed his new single, “Victoria's Secret,” and it was a catchy little tune. The new song sounds more like his “Jessie's Girl” period than last year's “Who Killed Rock and Roll,” which I love to blast in the car, full volume, moonroof open and A/C blasting. I nearly went to see Springfield in concert last weekend, but passed on it for the opportunity to interview John (Mayor Floyd) Bolger over lunch, and it was absolutely the right choice (you'll be privy to that next week). I'll check out Springfield next tour!

Speaking of Eli Love, wasn't that an amazing save by Anna? Here I was thinking that actual kidnappers had beat Robin's fake ones to the punch, as it were (happens all the time), but it actually was Max and Milo under those Clinton and Bush masks. “I got my butt kicked by a grandma!” whined Max to Diane, clearly embarrassed.

Andrei Karpov reminds me of the Russian villain, Valentin Dimitrovich Zukovsky, played by Robbie Coltrane in two of the Pierce Brosnan James Bond films (Goldeneye and The World is Not Enough). I chuckled when he referred to Jerry as “Mr. Brosnan, Mr. Craig, whatever your name is.” Good one!

Hooray…Lucky's faux hawk has flown the coop!

You know, I really like Anna and Eli together, when he's not being an ass. He was so in awe of her after observing her butt-kicking prowess that it endeared him to me, even if it did nothing for Robin. However, when the groupie showed up with a kid she identified as Eli's, the mood chilled down to the freezing level. Particularly when it was revealed that Eli pays child support but gives nothing more - he refuses to even meet the kid. Patrick's behavior proved how much he's changed his own attitude about fatherhood. Compare and contrast and young Dr. Drake ends up the winner.

GH:NS

Second episode, and I'm still waiting for Robert Scorpio to show up. Watching Robin get all protective over a child not her own (in double dose this time around, with little Stone and Kayla) is just so last season. Epiphany's “lust crush” on Jagger brought back fond memories of my own. It was May 1997, and my staff and I had just finished up a big issue. As a reward, we were going to dinner at a Lidia Bastanich restaurant on New York's West Side. We walked crosstown and stopped in the island in the middle of Times Square. Just then, my friend Greg said, “Here's your birthday present, kiddo!” He made me close my eyes, then spun me around and told me to look up. There he was, Calvin Klein's new underwear model, Antonio Sabato, Jr., looming high over Times Square in his tighty whities. It was a magical moment!

RANDOM CONFESSIONS

Remember when Tyler (Nikolas) Christopher left the show in 1999 and was replaced by an actor named Coltin Scott? Christopher came back in 2003, and Scott (who has since taken back his birth name, Stephen Martines (to honor his late father) went on to Guiding Light and then to other projects. Well, fans of his will be pleased to know that he's landed on Kyra Sedgwick's acclaimed TNT series, The Closer. This may be a recurring role for Martines. Other daytime notables who have appeared on the show include James Patrick Stuart (ex-Will Cortlandt, AMC) and Sarah Brown (Claudia, ex-Carly, GH), not to mention Sedgwick herself, who once appeared on Another World. Congrats to Martines, who turned in some good performances as Prince Nik.

Am I the only one who is tired of the famous and infamous people who bestow ridiculous monikers on their offspring? In Sweden, it's illegal, yes, ILLEGAL to name your child something that may cause ridicule. At first, that was mostly names such as Adolf or Elvis, but these days, that list would expand to include Apple, and, oh, I don't know, Peanut. THINK, people!

Did I mention that next week's column will be a recap of my two hours spent with John (Mayor Floyd, GH, among many other credits) Bolger? We touched on a number of subjects other than daytime, and I promise you it's more than worth your time. If you have half the fun reading it than I did in creating it, you'll be ROTFL - and come away knowing a lot more about Bolger than you did previously.