Media Ho (noun): A person who retains far too much information about people/places/things having to do with the media world, including (but not limited to) television, movies, music, pop culture, and the movers/shakers/performers in those worlds. Constantly frustrated by friends’ refusal to play any one of the versions of Trivial Pursuit with her. Result: this column, which will deal mostly with the rumors currently out there about ABC Daytime programs and players, delving deeply into them and offering further insight/commentary, drawing on that retained information as well as other sources.

August 3, 2006

AMC
Riveting. I haven’t been able to say that about AMC in a while, but playing the Madden CD at the ConFusion opening was great. Possibly brilliant. It enveloped so many of the cast of characters. It revealed what Madden did to Erica and the truth about Josh’s paternity. Did you notice Jamal duck for cover when (Uncle) Derek Frye entered the club? And wasn’t it cute when Dani, not recognizing her cousin, tried to get a chocolate martini out of him? Good stuff. (Yes, it’s from the previous week, but I was still recovering from the General Hospital Fan Club Weekend and had a lot of shows to catch up with before starting this column, so bear with me. I have some comments to make for both shows that normally would have been made last week.)

Even the new style of directing fit the chaos and (sorry) confusion in that nightclub (though I’d prefer they use it only for scenes at ConFusion, not all the time). “It’s a lot to absorb,” noted Hoolia, the queen of understatement, to Amanda. So many stories, so many loose ends to tighten, so many truths revealed. Color me impressed.

Am I the only one who thought that Kendall’s POV (point of view) through Ryan’s window – through blinds not fully closed – might have had her think that the woman in there with him was Greenlee? Take a quick look at Annie from the back and see if you don’t agree.

The “I’m your mother” line doesn’t get nearly as much usage as “I’m your daddy,” now, does it?

Another BRAVA! for Lily’s confrontation of Terry. It brought so many unexplained elements together at last.

Is ConFusion also a health bar? That would explain the artfully placed grass plants, ready to be snipped off for a fresh and yummy (NOT!) wheatgrass smoothie. Put Absolut in mine, please!

Who knew that Aidan and Di could be so hot together? Certainly not Erin!

LINES OF LAST WEEK
“Kate could be in here” – DixieBirdBrain to Zach, after finding hundreds of pictures of babies and children in Dr. Madden’s storage room. As if you’d recognize her!

“I saw Babe Chandler run after him – maybe we should check the cheap motels” – Erica, regarding Josh.

“Can you get pregnant from oral sex?” – Colby to an astonished Adam.

Regarding that last one, you can color me astonished, too. I’m no prude (c’mon, look at the title of this column!), but I was a bit surprised at that line of dialogue. Yes, lots of things entered the lexicon courtesy of the mass media during the unfortunate impeachment of one of our recent Presidents. We don’t need to go quite so far on daytime. Especially when TPTB are trying to attract teen viewers during the summer. No need to make it more difficult for those parents who do monitor their kids’ MySpace accounts. I thought the show had pushed the envelope with JR’s occasional exclamations of “This blows.” This went a bit too far.

CURRENT EVENTS (THIS WEEK’S SHOWS)
Nice to see Jonathan deal with the olive vendor with such authority. Jackson would not have been impressed. He was anything but when he first heard him speak for real.

Doc Madden didn’t have a lot of imagination; naming both his (ill-fated) yacht and (ill-fated) plane “Regeneration!”

Thanks, Blair Witch Project auteurs, for pioneering the herky-jerky style of camera work. These days I have to take Dramamine before watching AMC. Use it at ConFusion if you must (it kinda works there), but drop it elsewhere. It does, however, take one’s mind off other nauseating things (certain stories, certain characters, certain writers).

Joe certainly looked like he wanted to spank Jamie after his remark about how Josh was trashed. Do you think Joe will have Livia draw up a new will that adds Josh and eliminates Jamie? (Jamie whispers a thank-you to dear old Aunt Phoebe as he heaves a heavy sigh of relief.) I rather enjoyed it when Jamie ripped Grandpa a new one over the whole suspension of Martin Family Values where Josh was concerned!

Faith and begorra, Terry’s in Ireland! Remember that bridge I once put up for sale?

I so wanted Erica to rip off JR’s face and feed it to some nasty, hungry, toothy Italian boars (Hannibal) when they had their confrontation at the airport. So very much. KWAK’s, too.

If little Emma ever comes out of the bedroom, will her chin have a cleft like Tad’s? Hmm?

Lately, every time I see Jackson and hear his name, I think of The Rocky Horror Picture Show and yell, “ASSHOLE!”

Amanda mentioned her mother! Whatever Happened to Baby Janet? Will she be in the looney bin until November Sweeps, or is she, too, polishing skis in the Martin attic?

Aha! The mysterious Sydney (referred to in this week’s Spoilers, but not previously) is Winifred’s niece! Who will be staying at the Chandler mansion for the summer! Just what that place needs, another bimbo. And another excuse for Colby to be a bitch on wheels. Nasty little twerp, she.

How many new mothers are going to rush out and buy Nestle Great Start formula for their babies due to oh-so-clever product placement? Will the denizens of Pine Valley now drink that instead of their usual Florida Orange Juice?

Love Derek! Well, anyone who arrests DixieBirdBrain is a hero in my book. Oh, wait. He arrested Zach, too. Not feeling the love now.

The chance reunion between Livia and Jamal was lovely. Nicely played by both actors. Would someone remind me why Tony-winning actress Tonya Pinkins (Jelly’s Last Jam; saw it – she was superb) is off contract?

Enter…Emma! Wonder if she’d match any one of the hundreds of photos that DixieBirdBrain wants to search, looking for Kate?

GH
So many great (and not-so-great) things happened last week. Lucky did Maxie. Alan, along with Patrick and Robin, told hospital administrator Ms. Sneed where to get off. Sam continued her seduction of Ric. The Stone Cates Memorial AIDS Wind was mentioned. Flashbacks to scenes of Stone with Robin, Alan and Ryan Chamberlain were included. Yes, I cried. It was good.

Patrick will not only sleep with an HIV-positive woman (which, according to Robin, ensures that Carly will never sleep with him), he’ll go to the mat to operate on someone in the final stage of AIDS.

LINE OF LAST WEEK: “Your mother abandoned you and she didn’t even leave the house” – Carly to Sonny.

Wow. Intense, fine acting. I can (unfortunately) relate. When I was a young adult, after graduation from college, I learned that my father had beaten my mother during their marriage, until I was eight years old. He was cunning enough never to leave visible marks – kicks to the head were never detected. Society was different then (and this is the same time period as the Adela/Deke marriage). I have relatives who were either on the police force or state troopers, yet my mother never confided in them. I was incredulous; I didn’t understand. She explained that she would have either not been believed or told to “deal with it.” Even her parents turned a blind eye to the situation. However, there is a crucial difference here: I was never touched. So, I understand Sonny’s attitude about his mother’s lack of action, yet I sympathize with Carly’s lack of understanding or empathy. Frankly, I wish I did not have this perspective on it, but I do, and I must congratulate the actors and writers for some fine work.

If it’s hard for you to grasp how different society was back in the early ‘60s (and before), remember that it was not too long ago that a rape victim “asked for it” and, if she had the guts to go to trial, her entire sexual history would be brought out in court. We’ve made some great strides in my lifetime, but there are still miles to go.

Liz needs to slap Lucky. Hard. His behavior and accusations were so…wrong. Especially since he’s boinked the Queen of Sex on the ‘Net, Maximum Maxie. (Speaking of Maxie, her behavior of late must be taxing her heart, no?)
If I had my wish, Commissioner Scorpio would walk in on Lucky and Maxie rutting away as he thanks her for her latest drug score. Mac can find out that Lucky didn’t kill Manny later. Just so long as Mac learns all.

Then (remember, this is my wish), Epiphany would show up and bitch-slap the lot of them. Maybe even Mac, for being clueless all along. Then she’d open up a can of Whoop-Ass on Lucky. Yay!

Sam and Jason’s bonding session in the stuck elevator can only mean one thing: she’s gonna boff Ric’s brains out. Pity.

CURRENT EVENTS (THIS WEEK’S SHOWS)
Will the lithium take away Sonny’s mojo? Will it matter, since he’s tossing Emily aside? BTW, I think this was Sonny’s calmest breakup ever; that lithium sure is something!

LINE OF THE WEEK: “I just assumed I’d been smashed into to by a drug-addled deviant, not one of Port Charles’ Finest” – Edward to a drug-addled Det. Spencer, after he caused his cruiser to smack into Eddie’s custom Bentley (while snogging the Commissioner’s daughter).

To his credit, after Edward’s kind words, Lucky looked like he felt like something he scraped off the bottom of his shoe. Unfortunately, it passed as quickly as it came.

John “Edward” Ingle told the crowd at the General Hospital Fan Club Luncheon that he’d like to have Emily come back to the mansion, and it looks like he got his wish!

Where is Maxie getting all the moola to buy Lucky his drugs? Raiding Mac’s wallet? Stealing Georgie’s tips? How low will she go?

Never hire relatives. Alexis is starting to understand this most basic rule of thumb. Too bad Sam’s the innocent one for a change!

Blab, blab, blab. Who hasn’t Liz told about Lucky’s pill addiction? Alan, for one.

What might be going through Robin’s head when she sees Noah? “Hey, Noah! Guess what your son and I may have in common? And not because we had sex, either! Oh, and did you know that Jax isn’t Baby John’s father? NYAH!”

Do you think the earth moved for Robin when she got to tell the AIDS patient that Patrick had been exposed to her blood? A minor earthquake, considering she also got to tell Noah!

Patrick, on the other hand, seriously worked on his bedside manner, passing a few kind words with the young woman who may have inadvertently exposed him to HIV. Well done.

Uh-oh. Lulu spilled salt. She then looked at a calendar and seemed to be counting days. What could that possibly mean? A bassinet in the GH nursery, eight months from now, with lots of spiky blond hair sticking out of it?