Media Ho (noun): A person who retains far too much information about people/places/things having to do with the media world, including (but not limited to) television, movies, music, pop culture, and the movers/shakers/performers in those worlds. Constantly frustrated by friends’ refusal to play any one of the versions of Trivial Pursuit with her. Result: this column, which will deal mostly with the rumors currently out there about ABC Daytime programs and players, delving deeply into them and offering further insight/commentary, drawing on that retained information as well as other sources.

August 14, 2008

AMC

LINE OF LAST WEEK: “Oh, Ryan, there had better not be anything wrong with this baby, or you'll be free.” Annie said all of that except for the last four words. I bet she was thinking them, though! Showing him the baby via ultrasound was a stroke of sheer genius on Annie's part, more's the pity. Next stop: Vegas!

After all the Sturm und Drang, wasn't it nice to see Cass run into 'Dre's arms? Given a chance, this could be a sweet little romance. I hope that happens.

Babe and Amanda have been left in charge of Fusion, and they're hiring hookers (Randi) and alleged bank robbers (Carmen). Hey, anything to obfuscate their own checkered pasts! Who's the bad girl of Fusion now? Interesting, too, is the fact that Randi and Carmen know each other. Even though Carmen decided to go back to working for Adam, I'm sure this will come out one way or another.

Since no one objected to Greenlee and Aidan's marriage, does this mean that Ryan will forever hold his piece?

Zach is getting close to learning the truth about Annie, as she foolishly let down her guard and recounted a conversation with Richie that could only have taken place post-Babenapping. Tad (and Jesse, though he swears he wasn't there) discovered that the lug wrench is missing from Annie's car. Blunt head trauma, remember? I'm hoping the guys can fit the pieces of this puzzle together pronto.

Jake not only spoke again about Emily Ann and Donna Sago, but he also mentioned getting Christmas cards from Benny AND the evil that was Billy Clyde Tuggle! Billy Clyde, even though he was a slightly deranged pimp, was the kind of guy you loved to hate - or even feel a slight bit of affection towards. He was creepy, charming, and one of daytime's most memorable characters, played brilliantly by Matthew Cowles. (Cowles is also married to the equally brilliant Christine Baranski. What a household that must be!) Thanks for the memories, Jake…and writers.

Who's got the biggest sob story? True, Randi knows how to walk the streets, but Amanda's mom is in the looney bin, having committed many crimes including kidnapping, murder, and murder most foul - killing Amanda's own father. We know little else of Randi's background, but it would have to be truly tragic to top Amanda's.

Speaking of Randi, is she not absolutely stunning? Reminds me of a cross between Rashida Jones and Thandie Newton.

KWAK's singing “I Kissed An Adam” yet again to potential cuckold Tad. Same old song. Perfect time for the big reveal that Colby's turning into Amy Winehouse. Way to go, KWAK!

Is this really it for Jackson and Erica? Remember that bridge I have for sale in Brooklyn?

LINE OF THE WEEK: “You're the only man for me…at this precise moment in time.” Yeah, I sorta stole that last part from one of the all time greats, Arthur (“You're the only woman…at this table”), but it was easy to imagine KWAK saying that, no?

I'm really liking Carmen. Her salsa scene with Colby was so natural and easy. More, please!

GH

Karpov feels that Sonny should blindly hold up his end of their agreement, yet he blatantly ignored one of the key rules by smuggling what appeared to be cocaine. What's up with that?

LINE OF THE WEEK: “Why don't you go out there and see if he's ready to take another shot?” Good one, Claudia! No sooner did Carly poke her head out then WHAMMO! He (Jerry) was ready to take another shot! (Looking back, Claudia couldn't have hired a more inept pair of snipers than Devlin and Jerry.)

Has anyone considered the role that the death of David Hamilton may play in Laura's catatonic state? Wasn't that nearly as traumatic for her as Rick's murder?

“Rapacious Russian.” “Slavic Seductress.” Spinelli's got a knack for the Eastern European nicknames as strong as his flair for German opera (“Valkyrie”), Star Wars (“Darth Lansing”), and Japanese (“Sensei Stone Cold”). His talent knows no bounds! I haven't mentioned it lately, but I do adore The Jackal!

Ooh, scary. Lulu sitting in a chair, staring out the window. Remind you of someone?

Carly accused Jax of being all about the grand gesture when it comes to committed relationships, and she's not far off. He's ready at a moment's notice to jet off to Monte Carlo for a night of romance and roulette, or flying in a keg of Guinness and fresh oysters from Ireland on a whim, but how hard has he really worked at maintaining a marriage (or engagement, for that matter)? I'll never forget how ultimately cruel he was to Chloe, Skye and Brenda. Thinking back, the only coupling he ever put a big effort into was his fake one with Alexis.

Robin and Patrick were tossing around baby names while working the night shift, and I was a bit puzzled about her explanation about one of her choices, Matilda. She said it was the name of her dorm mother (or something like that) back when she was studying in Paris. Funny, but I would think she'd relate it to her father's favorite song, “Waltzing Matilda,” the unofficial national anthem of Australia. He sang it on many occasions when she was a child - usually while drinking with Sean Donely or Luke! Good times.