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Aug 16, 2007 AMC Spike suffered profound hearing loss in both ears and is now deaf. Even though Zach paid for state-of-the-art MRI equipment, which was used by one of the pediatric specialists, both Kendall and Ryan were in deep denial. However, when Renaissance man Josh popped up with the idea of cochlear implants, Ryan became hopeful and, for once, Erica didn’t get all hysterical. Then again, there’s really no track record for strong Kane boys to go by. This looks like the beginning of one of the things AMC does so well: the socially relevant storyline. They’ve done it with Reyes syndrome, autism, homosexuality, rape, eating disorders (gee, Bianca’s hit nearly all of them), and now hearing loss. If the writers live up to the show’s past triumphs, this could be great material. We already know that the actors are up to the task, given the right scripts. How does Ava plan to remain the face of Fusion by signing up with an unscrupulous manager who plans to whisk her off to California and make her the next Bond girl? Jack pointed out to Erica that she doesn’t own the patent on family loyalty. She’s still unyielding regarding his support of his daughter. Might this pave the way back to divorce court? Looks like it. I find it nauseating that Yawnathan, killer and kidnapper extraordinaire, has the stones to attack Greenlee so viciously. He’s done it before, but – of course – he was in a different mindset then, as they like to remind us. I also find it repulsive that he gets to get laid in a bedroom once owned by Edmund, the man he killed. Does he wear his robe, too? What did we learn last week when the actors broke down the “fourth wall” and addressed the viewers in character? Well, I learned that I loathe that device. Other than that, Ryan still sorta loves Greenlee and can make his eyes bug out like one of the creatures in “Men In Black.” It’s been 13 years to the week that Mona died and, unfortunately, did not take the phrase “strong Kane women” with her. Annie has a deep, dark secret that, if exposed, would make her seem lower than amoebas on fleas on rats. Zach blames Ryan for letting Greenlee back into their lives. Jack can be kinda boring. Greenlee loves Spike and Kendall. Kendall…well, she’s about to lose it, and really, who could blame her? Thank goodness and all that is holy that Saint Bianca finally found the time to phone her suffering sister. Not only that, she was able to sanctimoniously lecture her big sister about the amount of time she doesn’t spend with Ian. Yay, team! Di knows about Annie’s possibly even more sordid past. She wants Annie to keep mum about it? Poor choice of words? Apparently. Annie went to visit her father, with whom she communicates via sign language. Yep, he’s deaf. Angry, too. Why? I’ll bet his wife’s headstone has something to do with it. Isn’t Kendall going a bit far by blaming Greenlee for the premature birth of Ian? She had nothing to do with those early contractions, nor did Kendall learn of the car accident until after she gave birth. What’s next? Will Greenlee have to take the blame for global warming? Where is Yawnathan getting the moola to buy Ava dinner at the yacht club? Does ConFusion pay that well, or is he skimming? No spinach necessary for Ryan, one look at Greenlee and he becomes Popeye the Angry Man! Funny how Di could pull off impersonating her presumed-dead sister, but one brief interrogation from Babe and she’s ready to spill her guts? GH “I’m thinking you ARE the slut the town says you are.” No, that wasn’t what Coop said after catching Maxie and Logan sucking face, but you could see it in his eyes. Spinelli tried to get Lulu away from The Unworthy One by spinning a story that the two of them were closely related. Unfortunately for him, Lulu called him on his lie and he admitted he was making it up. He still hates the idea of intimacy between Lulu and The Simian One, but he’s going to have to come up with a better reason. How about The Knuckledragger’s tryst with Maxie? Carly and Jerry showed up in court, claiming to have evidence that Evil Al is still alive. Will their efforts in Venezuela pay off for Jason? Diane looks very much like that cat that swallowed the canary! In fact, I think I heard her purr! Kate has a record of reckless driving. Unfortunately, her latest scrape involved a police car – literally. Too bad she’d moved to Port Charles in order to avoid further problems and ended up with trouble spelled S-O-N-N-Y. Sam’s channeling her inner skank and setting her sights on Lucky. Cousin Nik tried to talk some sense into her, but I doubt he’ll have much influence. The way Sam sees it, Elizabeth screwed Lucky, Jason AND Sam, so payback’s a bitch! Now that Irina’s had both Jacks brothers, will we ever learn who’s better in the feathers? Carly sees Lulu and Spinelli as a junior version of herself and Jason. How refreshing. Usually all everyone ever talks about are junior Luke and Lauras. Normally, I’d imagine a guy would need half a bottle of Viagra to perform sexually with a woman who has just threatened the lives of his stepchildren. However, since Jax can get it up for an empty soup can, no worries there! Didn’t Kate look cute dressed as a refugee from a Bay City Rollers concert? Have I just irretrievably dated myself? There’s an image I’d like for a screensaver: Jax, naked but for a strategically placed sheet, handcuffed to a cot. YOWZA! Robin thinks she’s pregnant? Holy cow, Patman! LINE OF THE WEEK: “My name is Irina and I’ve just had sex with your husband.” Who’s writing this dialogue, Jackie Collins? I’d have been rolling on the floor if Robin had said something other than “Don’t panic, I’m not sure that I’m pregnant.” Something like “Don’t panic, I’m not even sure that it’s yours.” Kin “Scotty” Shriner, even after all these years, is still hotter than most of the younger actors on the set. Nice “L” necklace that Lulu’s sporting. What’s next, a giant clock, a la Flava Flav? Woo-hoo! Amelia took the stand and blabbed all about D.A. Lansing’s manipulation of the media for his own good. Her testimony may seal the jury’s decision. I tried to listen to Ric and Diane’s summations as if I was on the jury, and I came to one conclusion: Diane rocks. Oh, yes, one more: Jason walks.
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