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August 25, 2006 AMC Timing, as they say, is everything. Too bad Kendall tuned in to the Handy-Cam in DixieBirdBrain’s bedroom, viewable from Zach’s office (and, please, don’t make me go there!), as the pair embraced. It was a chaste embrace, but not from where Kendall was watching. Not the first, nor the second, not even the third. Hey, get a room! Marketing maven Josh got a visit from Papa Jeff. Come back to the hospital. You can go in a different direction. OB/GYN, perhaps? If Erica were a guy, would she pop a woody every time a Lavery walked by? Just wonderin’! “My mother’s already on a new lead.” Yes, JR, and its name is Slater. Is it me, or does JR’s new cowlick remind you of Belgian comic strip character, Tintin? Dr. David’s hair, however, remains deliciously sexy. As does he. It’s a crying shame that he’s still hung up on DixieBirdBrain…to the point where he fantasized telling her that he had Kate and they’d be leaving her and Pine Valley. Hey, Dave, sometimes dreams do come true! Terry’s a busy dude. While searching for his wife and child, he still found time to troll the Internet, looking for Lily. He even took the time to research Asperger’s Syndrome. What a multitasker! Hey, here’s a clue! Terry is not Emma’s biological father! And Colonel Mustard did it in the library with a lead pipe! (Here’s another one: a photo of Emma next to Terry’s computer is identical to one of those in DixieBirdBrain’s pile of photos of potential Kates!) Wonder if Josh will be upset to learn he’s not the only “Miracle Child” in town, now that Sean Montgomery’s in the house? LINE OF THE WEEK: “Dixie has milked so many unsuspecting people, she belongs in a prison cell. That whore deserves to fry.” Ooh, so the bloom’s off the rose, Dr. Delicious? Please don’t let this be confirmation that Vincent (Dr. David “Delicious” “Evil” Hayward) is leaving the show. Please. Unfortunately, Dr. Delicious’ fury towards DixieBirdBrain gives credence to JR’s theory that he buried and tortured Madden in a twisted scheme to impress his mother. Okay, everyone, sing along with me (to the tune of that Aerosmith song): “Caftight in an elevator!” Denied again. Looks like Erica and KWAK are going to team up to keep their kiddies apart. Did I blink or something? Didn’t Josh and Babe’s impromptu out-of-town business trip seem to come out of nowhere? Well, that’s the very definition of impromptu, I suppose. Dr. Delicious wasn’t on Ryan’s VIP list for the carnival, so what is he doing there? Trying to get a jump on the rollercoaster line? Or trying to confirm that the child he snarled at earlier is Kate? Not good for murder suspect Zach to be found standing over JR’s inert, unconscious body. By Tad. On DixieBirdBrain’s bed. “Just thinking about them going at it like rabbits in heat…” Yep, Simone’s special way of comforting Kendall about her marital situation. Good to see you, too! You’re not exactly making those memories disappear, y’know! But I’m happy to see you, Simone! A Brooke/Hoolia…dare I say…CATFIGHT? No, rats, denied AGAIN. It did look promising when Brooke grabbed Hoolia’s arm and laid out the Mrs. Robinson scenario, though. Then, she brought up the infamous NINE YEARS ON THE RUN, during which Jamie was likely choosing between Batman and Superman Underoos. Yep, ol’ widder Keefer shouldn’t be messing with such young man flesh! Hanging out with a decadent English rock star has always seemed like fun to me, especially when he provides a plethora of Jell-O shots (and some rather interesting combinations, at that). What a wonderful image to tie in with cosmetics for the 18-25 demographic! “I’m not the saint that you remember, and I don’t think I ever was.” Truer words were never spoken, DixieBirdBrain. Tad threw some insults her way and it looked like a distaff catfight was about to begin, but, of course, denied once more. Little Emma yawned out loud as Dr. Delicious was ranting on Ryan. Come on, writers, major hint here! Don’t take Dr. D down that nasty path that leads out of the Valley. Please. “I’m wasted.”
“Okay, let’s take a shower!” KWAK and Erica, you are SO needed right now!
Drunk, wet and half-naked in the shower together. Uh-oh. Last week seemed mostly about sex; now we’re into redemption. Sam learned that Alexis has Stage II lung cancer. Lucky told Maxie they were over. Sonny told Ric he was lower than amoebas on fleas on rats. Jason traded one confession for another, telling Sam about his liaison with Liz after she confessed all about Ric. Liz told Jason they should keep their liaison a secret so as not to interfere with Lucky’s recovery. Now she’s hoping that Sam isn’t a blabbermouth. April worried about going from GH to the shelter system. Robin offered her soon-to-be-vacant apartment. Unfortunately, it’s not going to work out. And it’s going to knock Robin right out of her socks. Do you think that Ric feels lower than an amoeba on a flea on a rat now that he overheard his wife telling someone else she has cancer before cluing him in? Actually, he seemed almost human when he asked how she could have gone through all the doctor visits, the diagnosis, etcetera, without telling him. This week was also about mortality. Specifically, Alexis and April, and how the people who love them deal with their potential demise. In April’s case, unfortunately, she passed away on Stone’s birthday. Robin, at first, got all philosophical about the concept of synchronicity. I though she was next going to say that April was an angel, sent from on high, to make her deal with Stone’s birthday, her own mortality, and also to make Patrick deal with his massive ego. Later scenes of Anna discussing the aftermath of April’s death with Robin, and slapping down her newly-developed defeatist attitude – most tenderly – were lovely. Anna wasn’t going to be a guest at Robin’s pity party, that’s for sure. What sort of revenge do you suppose Maxie has in store for the Spencers? Spilling (almost) all to Mac Daddy immediately comes to mind. Or, how about putting on her whore shoes and arranging to bump into Liz at the Elm Street pier? LINE OF THE WEEK: “You’re not sorry. And you’re not some wounded little deer, either. You’re just a manipulative, wannabe, husband-stealing tramp.” Liz letting Maxie know how she really feels! How ironic is it that Alexis was the first to learn of Ric and Sam’s sexcapades via her primo viewing spot, yet everyone thinks she’s still in the dark? Heck, half the town knows, why shouldn’t she? When Sam was telling Kristina how they were going to bake cookies, go swimming, make hospital room decorations and take pictures for Mommy, I was reminded of the wonderful Julia Roberts/Susan Sarandon film, Stepmom. Will Alexis start smoking medical marijuana soon? Not appropriate for lung cancer, but maybe Elizabeth can make some extra special brownies for her! Incidentally Nancy Lee (“Alexis”) Grahn (henceforth, NLG) was marvelous while explaining her illness to Kristina. I’ve seen her interact with her own daughter, Kate, to whom she is obviously devoted. I would not be one bit surprised if she used her special relationship with her child in order to explain such a difficult situation to a young child, in character. Beautifully done. ANOTHER LINE OF THE WEEK: “You could live here in this apartment for 30 years, then walk outside and get hit by a bus. Or, if you’re still living in Port Charles, stray bullets.” Good one, Patrick! Greg (“Lucky”) Vaughan has been doing a fine job with his addiction story line. It would be a shame if he were abruptly replaced by a vet this fall. A damn shame. Ironies of ironies: an ELQ subsidiary is manufacturing defective condoms. Guess which brand Dillon prefers? Another irony: Edward is blaming Tracy for the problem, saying it was a result of her reckless cost cutting. Gleep, as Trixie Belden used to say (and if you don’t know Belden, email me and I’ll not only explain, but provide you with a reading list). Too bad Tracy overheard Lulu telling Dillon it was those condoms that failed them, leading into a discussion about the next Quartermaine heir, led, of course, by Edward. (It occurs to me that existing Quartermaine heirs must feel like amoebas on fleas on rats each and every time there’s a new Q pregnancy, because Eddie goes straight into his “next Quartermaine heir” spiel.) Then Tracy brought up the names of Bradley Ward and Jimmy Lee Holt, which silenced Edward for a moment. (And if those names don’t ring a bell, get Gary Warner’s wonderful General Hospital Scrapbook. STAT!) Robin may yet change her mind about moving in with Kelly and Lainey, especially since Anna’s taken to breaking into her current love net. Whatever, always a pleasure to see Anna…for me, anyway. Robin Syndrome seemed to affect Emily, as she rushed her butt over to Wyndemere in order to inform Nikolas about Lulu’s pregnancy. It struck Edward, too, as he beat it over to Lucky and Liz’s place to share the news. Could this be the jolt that sends Lucky into rehab? Also, has anyone considered that Lulu might want to terminate her pregnancy? Strangely, Tracy may have. “I’m sorry, who are you and what have you done with Tracy Quartermaine?” asked a stunned Dillon. Lulu’s talking to The Head as Luke and Laura’s theme tinkles in the background! Will this bring her out of catatonia? RANDOM CONFESSIONSHave you seen the new promo for “The View?” Love it, especially when Barbara Walters comes out at the end and says, “You’re all stars to me!” Major buzz
about three upcoming pregnancies on GH – amazingly, none caused by Sonny –
and one of them involving an HIV-positive mother. Do Patrick and Dillon
patronize the same condom manufacturer? At any rate, it is
medically possible for an HIV-positive mother to give birth to a healthy
baby. I’m hoping that GH is going to educate a mass audience about this,
as it has done so remarkably in the past.
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