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October 4, 2006 AMCAdam won’t be satisfied until he populates the world. I wonder if he knew of Dr. Madden’s record-breaking number of children fathered by one man? Boy, he’d be jealous! Jealous enough to kill? Okay, bit of a stretch I admit, but still… Last week I noted how money could be saved by recycling lines (hey’ it’s done all the time with storylines). Naturally, I was delighted on many levels when Tad was quoted (in court) calling DixieBirdBrain a “lying, cheating, sadistic bitch.” It added only one word (sadistic) to last week’s line! Good work! Keep it up and you’ll be able to afford to keep valuable talent like Vincent Irizarry. Listening to Adam wax poetic over the impending arrival not only nauseated Colby, it made me ill as well. Is he hoping to get it right this time? All his children – Skye, Hayley, JR and Colby – are fairly dripping with issues, none the least of which is some form of substance abuse. Tad, bitterness does not become you. Michael E. Knight’s performance, however, was astonishing, possibly the best work he’s ever done. Do I detect an Emmy reel? Not guilty on each and every count. Triumph for some, tragedy for others. Unanswered questions galore. Here’s another one: will Tad be prosecuted for obstruction of justice and perjury? Who will push harder for it, Derek, Josh or DixieBirdBrain? (Note: I said prosecuted…arrest does not guarantee a trial.) Tad’s confession to DixieBirdBrain was a dangerous move, unless he plans to marry her for a fourth time and invoke the “husband/wife cannot testify against each other” privilege. The chances of that happening seem remote…but as we all know, things aren’t always as they seem. I have a question, though: how will Tad be able to look at nephew Josh over the Martin Thanksgiving turkey? Then there’s Zach, who admitted to Kendall that he knew Madden was buried alive, but didn’t care. One of his men found the frequency that electronically (but anonymously) linked Madden to his kidnapper, but recorded it to listen for information about Kate, nothing more. Yet, in a roundabout way, it was all about Ethan and how Zach’s father kept them from each other! Such deep psychoanalysis! Will Tad and Zach get a “get out of jail free” card simply because the victim was such a scuzzbucket? When Tad explained how he enjoyed “playing God” with Madden’s life, I understood. As a basically good person, he couldn’t comprehend how he could live with the memory of his actions. Luckily, DixieBirdBrain was there to reassure him that yes, there is life after evildoing. The perfect coach! Until this week. I’d rather forgotten how deeply complex a man lives in Zach’s skin. He hates as passionately as he loves. If you hurt him or someone he cares about, watch out. You’ll never have a fiercer opponent. He is the embodiment of the old Irish saying, “we feast upon the bones of our enemies.” SFX: doorbell. “Chief Frye, here. You missed a few of the bugs I planted in your house, dumbass. You’re coming with me.” Well, okay, not quite how it went down, but Tad did get arrested on charges of perjury. A trial is another thing entirely. Especially since Zach now claims that he and DixieBirdBrain buried Madden. When Aidan told Di, “There’s no nutrition in that” – and I’m not sure if he meant the diet soda she ordered or the straw she was chewing on – I yelled, “How ‘bout some spotted dick!” You guessed it…my cat is now trying to dial 911. Guess she doesn’t like the floor show a la “Rocky Horror” that my AMC viewing has become. GHStraight talk from Epiphany (who knew she was a breast cancer survivor?) may be exactly what Alexis needs. Epiphany knows how to carve up misbehaving staff members, but she is unable to mince words. Sonny must really be itching to have Jax’s legs broken. First he fixes the toy he bought the boys, and then he tells Sonny he didn’t bully Alexis into agreeing to chemo. Watch out, Candy Boy! While Ric is trying to get Alcazar to take Jason out, Sam’s rants about Ric to Jason could be enough to convince him to get rid of the interim D.A. If Alexis should lose her battle with lung cancer, killing Ric is going to look very attractive. It would neatly solve the question of Kristina’s custody to boot. Perhaps Ric should start seriously encouraging Alexis to go for the chemo. “If I can take medicine for the sake of my children, you can, too.” Sonny expressing his reasoning why Alexis should opt for chemotherapy. Not his usual style, but a smart approach for once. Could he be the one to change her mind? Maybe now that he’s told her the truth: she dies and he’ll take Kristina as far away from Ric as possible. That should light a fire under her, but she knows him too well. Now that Carly and Jax have told each other “I love you” face to face, what’s next? Something bad, thinks Carly, and she’s got a knack for knowing these things. Chalk it up to experience. Ding-dong, Sonny calling! Rachel “Audrey” Ames has had more screen time this past week than she’s had in total these past couple of years. It’s a delight to see her. Alcazar thinks that having Jason see Ric touch Sam in a public place in hopes he’d go postal was the wrong tactic. I agree. I think that if Jason saw Ric touch Sam in a private place, he’d really lose it! The scene where Carly used reverse psychology on Alexis by telling her that she and Sonny were getting remarried was priceless. “For the fourth time!” From saying how she’s always wanted a daughter to describing how she’ll teach her how to use a credit card, not to mention how she might dye Kristina’s hair blonde, it was a total hoot. So good. I’m wondering if Laura Wright shares Tony Geary’s ad-lib skills – and I’m betting she does. Maxie + Lulu = catfight? Please? Alexis used most of her lifelines – call a friend, call an enemy, poll the audience – and decided to go for the chemo. Yay! Finally, a rational decision from one of the most rational characters on daytime! When Carly reached for her black velvet clutch, didn’t you think she was going to pull out an Enduro condom, thus adding an element to danger to her evening of lovemaking with Jax? LINE OF THE WEEK: “Stomach still hurt from being pumped?” Georgie to Maxie after the skank refused to taste the new chili at Kelly’s Diner. Aww, how sweet that Lucky’s rehab is across the street from Shadybrook so he can have deep, meaningful (if one-sided) conversations with his mother. LINE OF THE WEEK 2: “So he did mean you.” Emily to Elizabeth, after young Cameron told her he was going to have a baby. Sorry, I prefer my future doctors a little less brain dead, thanks! Maxie told Lulu that Georgie’s got seniority over her at Kelly’s. I guess the part of her brain that knows that Lulu’s dad and aunt own Kelly’s got flushed away with the contents of her stomach. “Okay, Em, you’re my best friend, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I’m pregnant, but I’ve got the bestest news! I may be making you an auntie! Yep, I bumped uglies with your brother! Isn’t that neat?” Yeah, right, fantasy rewrite of dialogue here, but I had to amuse myself while Liz was recapping the last month of her life for Emily. LINE OF THE WEEK 3: “Enduro. Jason’s loyal to the family brand.” To quote Shrek, “Ogres are like onions. They’ve got layers.” So does Lulu. Julie “Lulu” Berman keeps revealing more, probing deeper and deeper into her character. Brava! Finally! Jason’s finally put all the clues together and realized he could be a father! Oh, I see some changes coming down the road! At last, a baby for Jason to take care of that may be his own! Has anyone noticed the new graphic they show right before the previews of next day’s show? Looks a little “Grey’s Anatomy”-ish, no? If you’re going to steal, steal from the best. Three interns share a house on GA, three doctors now share an apartment on GH. Hey, Maxie can call Liz a “pregnant whore” and Liz can retaliate with “slutty mistress!” Most important: who will be daytime’s McDreamy? Patrick?
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