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October 26, 2006 AMCRiddle me this: if Emma’s DNA is different from Annie’s, this means she’s not her biological daughter. DixieBirdBrain gave birth to Kate. Dr. Madden was the attending physician at both births. Now, it was much easier to transfer an embryo from Erica into his own wife, but how in the world could he stuff a nearly full-term baby into Annie for her to deliver? Even Annie says the situation (lack of matching DNA) sounds insane. Yet she insists she carried Emma for nine months. Hmm. Was DixieBirdBrain carrying twins, one of which was removed by Madden and implanted in Annie? Doubtful, as Dr. Delicious Hayward was involved in monitoring DixieBirdBrain’s pregnancy at the onset. He would have noticed a second cell cluster. So, what’s the story, Annie? It seems that she and Terry consulted fertility specialists, as there were genetic issues on Terry’s side (big surprise), and settled on Dr. Madden (cue dark, ominous music). However, Annie claims that despite the DNA discrepancy, Annie is one hundred percent hers. No way was another person’s egg implanted, or a baby switched at birth. Sounds like a cue for “The Impossible Dream” to me. Why isn’t Annie creeped out by hiding in the cabin where Terry tried to rape Lily and was subsequently killed by Jonathan? Conversely, why is she so terrified to take another DNA test? If TPTB thought that the oh-so-serious sex talk between Sean (“I didn’t know it was your first time”) and Colby would make them more palatable, well, they goofed. Big surprise! When Babe told Dr. Delicious she’d rather be JR’s wife than his daughter, I could almost hear a major league umpire yell, “Strike one!” As Josh laid out his off-the-cuff ideas for the “New Beginnings” sweeps party, it sure seemed to me as if Erica was having an…organic experience, no? “Oh, yes, Josh, yes! Yes!” It was almost incestuous. KWAK thinks Dr. Devious is plotting something tremendously evil that will bring down all the Chandlers, including Babe. Bring it on, Doc! Take a few Martins along for the ride while you’re at it! And PLEASE don’t forget DixieBirdBrain! GH
HELLS’ BELLS! The fabulous Helena walked in on Nanny Brow’s attempted seduction of Nikolas! LINE OF THE WEEK: “Do you know what happens to dirty little peasants when they try to seduce Cassadine men?” Hmm…was that the same dagger she used to slit the throat of Alexis’ mother? Isn’t it nice to see so much action actually happening at the hospital? Medical stories on a show called “General Hospital” – who’d a thunk it? And now the mother of all medical stories…the coming resurrection of Laura Spencer! Patrick was stuck with a needle? I thought I saw him get cut with a scalpel, and then covered with April’s tainted blood. Was I seeing things, or has revisionist history struck again? Emily, a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing. Especially if Nanny Brow overhears you sharing with Nik. Don’t turn your back! Alexis dropped the bomb! “Every time I look at you, I see you having sex with my daughter.” Well, color Ric surprised! Confession really must be good for the soul; Alexis hasn’t looked this healthy in weeks! Ric, of course, tried to turn things around and lay blame on Alexis, like the slimebag he is. Why? Because she’s known about it for ten weeks and said nothing, that’s why. I truly think this is one of Ric’s lowest points ever, and now the character – after doing a laundry list of many, many disgusting things through the last few years – is absolutely without redemption. Hateful. Despicable. Scum. Okay, I’ll stop before I get to the obscenities. Oh, crap, yet another convoluted paternity test. First we had John/Spencer Jacks/Cassadine, who, from all reports, will end up being a Jacks after all. Now there’s Elizabeth. Being very cryptic about the results of her paternity test. VERY cryptic. So cryptic, in fact, that it just may have backfired on her. Now that Alexis has found her backbone, I’m hoping she’ll say, “Oh, Ric? When I said you were bigger than Sonny? I lied.” LINE OF THE WEEK, PART TWO: “You must be loving this. The father of your favorite child comes running to your defense.” Ric, you simply can’t get rid of that jealousy thing, can you? I’m now rooting for Sonny to finish the job Jason started. Helena actually admitted that Colleen got her job as Spencer’s nanny due to her own manipulations. Unfortunately, the men in white jackets came for Helena just as Emily was starting to think of her as an ally (of sorts). Hey, whaddaya know? Luke was sensitive enough to pick up on Lulu’s discomfort when Skye brought baby Lila Rae to the Quartermaine mansion. What a dad! When did Alan adopt Skye? Was I there? At first glance, the Little Mermaid doll that Kristina brought home from Disney World looked amazingly like Bree Van De Kamp Hodge from “Desperate Housewives!” Well, all part of the ABC/Disney family! First Ric, now Sam gets clued in by Alexis regarding I-saw-you-having-sex-on-the-floor-after-I-was-diagnosed-with-cancer. Again, it seemed to be Alexis’ fault that Sam and Ric had sex. Whatever happened to “be nice to the cancer patient?” Did Maxie trade in all her skank clothes for the little red power jacket she wore to Shadybrook? Liz and Lucky may have once had a “permanent lock,” but Carly thinks Liz wants a “permanent hold” on Jason. Was Luke referring to the “seduction” when he talked to Laura, telling her how the bad boy who grew up in a whorehouse got the beautiful girl from a good family and then hurt her as badly as he possibly could have, but she loved him anyway? Could this be Tony Geary’s swipe at those writers who revised history?
By
the time you read this, the great Laura Resurrection will have begun. A
loyal reader, Carol, made an excellent point, wondering if Laura will come
out of her comatose state in a realistic way, or in a soap opera way. I
think that was answered by the preview, in which we hear Laura call out,
“Luke?” It doesn’t happen that way in real life, poppets. Then again, as
our own Carolyn so aptly pointed out, Lucky’s rehab facility is far from
reality, too. Compare and contrast with James Frey’s infamous “A Million
Little Pieces” if you want a more truthful look at the rehabilitation
process (and surroundings). While it may be a work of fiction, it mirrors
rehab far more than the bogus conditions at Shadybrook.
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Didn’t you love
it when Luke called Robert “Señor Wences” and Robert’s response was “S’awright!”?
Such a delight to watch Tony Geary and Tristan Rogers play off each other.
The rest of Skye’s birthing scenes were great, too. Nice that Lorenzo
reminded them all that not only did he deliver Morgan Corinthos, but also
the baby of some troubled teen at Kelly’s (wasn’t someone supposed to
adopt that baby? Didn’t the mother mooch off Courtney for a while, then
split?). A mobster AND a medic! 
