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December 21, 2006
BREAKING NEWS – BELOVED
GH VET CANNED! AMC Last week, I speculated that Janet From Another Planet was the Fusion killer. According to our own Kate Brown, TPRB deny that, but do admit that Kate “Janet” Collins will be returning for a short time so the PCPD can “consult” her about the murders. Okay, if I buy that story from TPTB – and I really don’t want to – how about this: Greenlee. Maybe she’s still pissed at Ryan, so she’s killing all his female friends. Or perhaps Fusion dropped her favorite lip gloss, so she’s exacting some payback. Don’t like those ideas? Maybe it’s “The Man of Enchantment,” all hot under the collar because he disappeared as soon as he was chosen (and Enchantment disappeared into Fusion). Oh, the possibilities are endless! When Kendall observed that touching moment between Ryan and little Emma (the child comforting the big lug), I thought she was going to burst an artery. And for what? Because Ryan may have two children now? Will that in any way lessen his love and devotion for their son? No. All of the fathers I know love all their children fairly equally. Kendall claims to be totally over Ryan and committed to Zach, but there still is a little piece of her that is reluctant to share her one-time fiancée with anyone, which is just plain sad. Of whom is she more jealous, Annie or her four-year-old child? Josh is already hip to this kind of reasoning: “You know, you really are your mother.” Di sure is a jack-of-all-trades, isn’t she? Filling in for Erin at Fusion? I’d call that an insult to the talented people who work in the cosmetics industry. First Josh, now Di. Harrumph. When Amanda tells Hoolia she’s invited Jonathan to join the happy campers at Wildwind, will Hoolia have a hard time with the fact that Jon-Boy murdered the former lord of the manor? You know, her brother-in-law, Edmund? LINE OF THE WEEK: “If someone in this town bought stock in the local DNA lab, they’d be loaded.” Yes, largely due to your former dad, Josh. A very smart person would also invest in Port Charles’ DNA labs! A double funeral for Simone and Erin. Where was Simone’s family? My goodness, the last time we saw so many of Pine Valley’s citizens was when, at the Mardi Gras Ball? It would be nice if this were to happen at a happy occasion. It would also be nice if this were not the setting for Brooke’s last appearance. Both the actress and the character deserve better. I feel like I’ve been saying that a lot lately. Adam’s trucker party would have been less ridiculous if KWAK had been able to partake in the Ever Clear. Now she’s just a hoochie mama without the hooch. Trust Erica to have the perfect little black one-shoulder funeral frock, oh-so-stylish for any occasion! So, that was it for Brooke English, who has been on canvas for the better part of three decades? A pivotal part of so many storylines? Related to many of the town’s citizens? No goodbyes, no montage, no nothing? I am well and truly disgusted by this. Shame on you, PTB. Shame. GH Carly, Carly, Carly. You don’t like ultimatums. Neither does Jax. He’s tired of coming in second to your ex-husband. Can’t say I blame him. However, it’s okay for him to run off to help brother Jerry at a moment’s notice? Double standard? It would appear so. Was anyone else taken aback by Jason’s response to Sam’s suggestion that they go make a baby? You know, the “I don’t think I should be anyone’s father” statement? Jason’s raised half the kids in Port Charles, for crying out loud! He seems to be fine with it if it happens by accident (cue Elizabeth), so I hope Sam stocks up on Enduros! There is something seriously wrong when Dillon and Spinelli are in a scene together and I’m more amused by the computer geek. LINE OF THE WEEK: “Where in the hell do you get this garbage?” It’s simple, Alexis. Find the door marked “R.G., Jr.” and look inside. Reeks in there, doesn’t it? Seeing Kristina staring in mute silence at Alexis and Ric in full battle mode reminded me of The Who’s “Tommy.” Maybe Kristina will become a Pinball Wizard? Lucky going to Mike for parenting advice is like Lucky asking musician Pete Doherty to be his N.A. sponsor. I gotta admit that having Spinelli move in with the Quartermaines was a great idea. Not only do we get more Q time, but more Big Alice, too. And it was extremely cool that Spinelli’s a fan of Big Alice’s from her Friday night job as wrestling’s “Dominator.” Is it me, or did Monica turn pale when she heard Dillon mention Rick Webber? Then she went and spoiled it all by disinviting Spinelli. Now where will he hang his hat, at “Stone Cold” Jason’s? With The Goddess of Hotness? You bet! Pills in Lucky’s desk drawer? Found first by Ric, then by Elizabeth? How absolutely convenient…for Ric, who admitted he planted them at confession – and, OMG, the priest he’s been confessing to lately is that mysterious relative/Doppelganger of Manny Ruiz, complete with tattoos! He was last seen wearing a clerical collar and standing over Manny’s dead body in the morgue. This is going to be interesting. When is Elizabeth finally going to blurt out to Lucky that he’s not the daddy? She’s come darn close on more than one occasion. I bet it happens within a day of this column’s posting. LINE OF THE WEEK, PART TWO: “Oh, honey, this is your prettiest wedding dress yet!” (Bobbie to Carly.) Stairs. Maxie. Lucky. Opportunity knocks. Bye-bye, non-existent love child. TOTAL TRAVESTY It has been confirmed by TVGuide.com soap columnist Daniel R. Coleridge that veteran actor Stuart “Alan Quartermaine” Damon has been fired. The buzz is that Alan will turn out to be Rick’s killer (not inappropriate) and will have a fatal heart attack when arrested for this crime. Damon is a talented actor and a good guy, to boot. I spent some time with him at the last General Hospital Fan Club Weekend, and I enjoyed our conversation. He had several great tales dating back to his days on Broadway, which he happily shared with me. A class act. Let’s hope he at least gets a sendoff worthy of his history on the show and his reputation as a fine, giving actor and human being.
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