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Did you hear the one about the priest, the nun, and the spy locked up in a jail cell? Neither, did I. But that’s the first thing I saw after missing two whole days of General Hospital due to TiVo issues. There’s so many different scenarios I can come up with for how the trio ended up there: Luke decided Holly was a crazy lunatic and tried to commit her to a convent just like Helena when Robert came barreling in with the Markham Island police on his tail and managed to get them all thrown in the slammer; or maybe the three were on a plane, escaping the island together, when a mysterious series of numbers was played over the radio and the pilot felt drawn to investigate the source. Shortly after crashing, both Luke and Holly killed a bunch of “other” people on the island and then decided to give themselves to the Lord’s service in repentance, taking a vow of silence…oh wait, that’s some other show. Alas, I will never know the true story but I have a feeling my fantasies are more entertaining. Am I the only one who expected a musical number when the women were all gathered together in the locker room, sighing? I swear I could hear a little jazzy tune and some finger snapping in the background as they all rhythmically delivered their lines in turn about the need for libations. Maybe I’m just Nurses’ Ball deprived, but I was ready for stage lights to glitter and the orchestra to swell up. You can’t blame me for wanting it—I was so hoping for some fun times with Bobbie’s bachelor auction, which ended up being the lamest event in General Hospital history. The men who were there made no sense. The women who were there made no sense. And they all had to spend their evenings having dinner with everyone else? If I’m renting a bachelor for a night, you better bet we aren’t having a polite dinner together. And by the way, where was the auction? Seemed like a drawing to me. Perhaps Carly forget to ask for a brain when the Wizard gave her a new face and a ride back home from Roselawn. Lucy Coe, I command you to appear and snipe at Alan for letting Carly Corinthos Alcazar throw a fundraiser for the hospital. Pretty please? Durant, Durant, I never knew thee. He seems like a good character, but like many recent deaths on GH, I doubt I’ll shed a tear. Reese and Jessie already seem like nothing more than stumpers in the GH trivia games of the future. I’m not sure why Durant was on the canvas at all. We’ve had nasty DA’s before. Was he ever more than that? I don’t think Carly needed a dad to appear from nowhere. Did it add anything to her storyline? Really, did it? I wasn’t watching when he first came on so I honestly don’t know. Since August, when I started watching again, I think they’ve been in the same scene 4 or 5 times. But hey, we’ll get to watch Bobbie cry over past loves again. Wait, was he a past love? I thought Carly was given up from one of Bobbie’s johns—and I was happy to keep it that way. Final thought, or Epiphany, rather. Yes, I love her. She’s a fabulous presence in the hospital, putting everyone in his or her place with just the right amount of sass. I’d love to keep her on the show and will be sad if she just disappears like Reginald. But what I really wish is that we didn’t need characters like Epiphany to chew out our main characters. Wouldn’t it be better if they were able to figure out that they were being a-holes all on their own? I love my characters, but I’m not sure that many of them are growing in anyway lately, and Epiphany just makes that glaringly obvious to me. Let’s have some character development instead of more side characters.
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