October 4, 2006

Without a ’net

Weak Two 


September 27

Day eight

I cheated.  A lot. 


September 28

Day nine

Yesterday was awful.  There were a couple things I “had” to do online, and before I even knew what happened I was clicking on all sorts of stuff.  The first move was entirely one of those habit things – you know how you spend so much time online that when you’re finished reading the weather forecast, you automatically click the newspaper link without even thinking because obviously, that’s just what you always do next?  It was like that.  Then when I realized what I did, instead of shutting it off I kinda thought the damage was already done so I might as well read a little.  That thought continued for over an hour.  I had a really bad day to begin with.  I had changed my hair appointment to today to be available to pick up my husband from the airport yesterday, and then he called with the news that he had to stay another day.  So I had to move the appointment again, which I really hate doing at the last minute.  If I get kicked out of my hair salon, someone’s gonna get hurt.  Then little dog, who likes to be in her kennel thing when we’re not here, decided to pee in it for some reason.  So I promptly moved it to the garage for the husband to clean out when he gets home (and no, I didn’t care one bit if it sat there for three days) but I did have to give the dog a bath.  Then the big dog went outside, killed some furry creature and proceeded to eat it in the middle of the back yard.  Granted this was better than the day she brought one on the deck and ate it in front of the glass door during our breakfast, but even still.  She used to just kill things (mice, possums, etc) and leave them for us to find, apparently she’s been watching too much Animal Planet lately and is getting in touch with her wild side.  So that was traumatizing.  Then there was just the fact that I expected adult help and interaction by last night.  You can’t mess with those kinds of expectations, unless you want casualties.  Anyway, it was a bad day, culminating in a bad night.  I messed up, but I did at least keep it to mostly general stuff – the newspaper, MSN, ebay…the stuff you might consider the least entertaining of your Internet experience.  I devoured it all.  I even read sports stories on MSN, and I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about any sport.  Desperation is dangerous.  Today was ok.  Spent the majority of the day driving to and from the airport.  I’m sure it’ll help to have someone else to talk to around here (besides kids I mean).  


September 29

Day ten

There isn’t anyone to talk to around here, besides kids.  Last night he had to go to Tae Kwon Do class with the kids.  Fine, it could be worse; I could’ve had to take them to class.  Tonight?  Tonight he “had” to go to an extra special Tae Kwon Do class.  It's called “Fifteen ways to kill a person with one hand” - or something like that.  (I did that just for you, as a little mystery.  Does she mean, “Kill with one hand”? Or does she mean, “Kill a one-handed person”?  I’ll never tell.)  The flier used words like “self-defense” and “tactical” in its description, but I’m pretty sure mine is more accurate.  He actually uttered something about really going for my benefit, for the safety of our family.  I didn’t tell him so, but I’m fairly certain his tactics won’t work on the person I was having murderous thoughts about at that moment.  So anyway.  I briefly considered spray painting “safety first” on the side of his truck while he was gone (because on top of it, he took *my* car and since I don’t willingly drive that thing he calls a vehicle, I was stuck here on Friday night…maybe the kids and I wanted to hit the bar, or uh, Walgreens or something, what about THAT?), but in the end I just pouted a lot.   


September 30

Day eleven

Oh geez.  Forget everything I said.  My husband is really very sweet.  At one point, he even offered to stay home last night even though he really, really wanted to go to that (dumb) thing.  It wasn’t his fault that the work trip came up during that same week.  There was a free movie this morning at the theater, and while free is great, I’ve just no desire to be up, out and eating popcorn at 10AM.  Not in the least.  So he let me sleep in and took the girls to Ice Age 2.  They even returned with some popcorn for me.  Then he spent like four hours watching new TV series from the DVR with me since I have this quest to see everything before I decide what I’ll watch this season.  He didn’t roll his eyes even once.  Then he bought me Chinese food for dinner.  He also mowed the lawn, did the dishes, and fed the kids all day.  Oh yeah, and we watched the recording of the Crocodile Hunter widow’s interview with Barbara Walters.  I have been properly reintroduced to what’s worth complaining about. 


October 1

Day twelve

I would really, really, really just like to have spent the day on the Internet.  Period. 


October 2


I forgot to mention that at the end of last week, I had to have an AIM conversation (really, let’s call it a “meeting”) that was sort of mostly business related.  Had to have another today.  Totally legit.  I’m finding that things around here (laundry, dogs, people) drive me insane much faster than they did when I had the Internet.  I’m much more patient when I it goes more like “mmm hmm”, click, “give me a minute”, click, “don’t you want to go outside?”, click, “I’ll be with you in a minute”, click, “I’ll find it in a second”, click.  I’m really not meant to be a housewife either - that I have determined for certain.  A new Super Wal-Mart opened two weeks ago, and I still haven’t set foot in the place.  Can there be more irrefutable proof?  I admit that I am maybe a bit anti-Wal-Mart though.  I watched a PBS (I think) special detailing how it’s the beginning of the end of society as we know it and really, if you’ve ever set foot in a Wal-Mart at 11AM on a Saturday in December there is no way you can deny that the degradation of the world began right there in those aisles.  So anyway, I couldn’t care any less about running out of window cleaner and mildew remover.  I was alarmed by the status of the coffee filter count situation, but luckily Target carries those.  The most amazing thing happened today though, I almost ran over a turkey, twice.  I was driving to the store when this great big wild turkey ambled out of the woods and across the road.  I guess “almost hit” isn’t necessarily accurate since I had plenty of time to stop and let him cross – they don’t move all that fast.  Then I get to the grocery store and I’m wheeling around grabbing items that could be found at a much lower price at Super Wal-Mart and this elderly man is coming around the corner in front of me and when he makes the turn and brings his cart to a stop, a great big frozen turkey slides off the bottom of his cart, directly into my path.  Again, I had plenty of time to stop, but what are the chances?  Crocodile Hunter or not, it must be said that only a man would decide to put a frozen turkey under the basket.  I plopped it in his cart for him, and went on my merry Turkey Hunter way.  This is so much more entertaining than the Internet.  So much.    


October 3


Today was supposed to be email day!  Some unexpected family matters took precedence, and I’m in no mood to settle for an hour’s worth of email time when I’m supposed to have all day, therefore tomorrow will be email day.  Today was crazy.  At one point this afternoon while sitting on the couch, I saw a truck come to a stop on the road out front.  The guy was kind of leaning out his window, and a car coming from the other way also slowed down and I rather brightly queried, “Is there an animal or something in the road?” to no one in particular (since I was alone at the time).  After they passed by, I got up and looked and sure enough, there was MY animal in the road.  The little dog, Jessie, was sitting in the middle of the road, staring back at me.  I had put her in the fenced in back yard only moments before.  Apparently she ran straight for the fence, dug a tunnel, ran for the street, and sat down facing my front window.  At worst she’s suicidal, at best it’s another of her creative cries for attention.  Don’t worry, she’s fine.  Luckily it isn’t a busy street, but she’s obviously upping the ante.  She’s thirteen now, and she spent her first eleven or so years never trying to escape.  When that changed, her first order of business was to escape, find a nearby house and sit on their porch until they read our number on her tag and called us to come and get her.  Then, she suddenly decided staying in the yard was good enough for her again and we had no problems for a while.  Next was escaping to go around to our front porch and wait to be called in.  The road has never been in the repertoire before.  I seriously am starting to suspect dementia.  We’ve done everything we can in the backyard, but the truth is if you’re willing to dig enough, you can pretty much escape from a dirt floor cell anytime you want.  The only solution is to stand there and watch her every second she’s outside.  This might not sound difficult, but she’s been around for thirteen years!  We forget!  We’re used to just putting her outside.  Even if I can remember to stand there, inevitably the phone rings or the stove timer goes off or someone starts wailing (though usually I try to wait until she’s inside before I start that), and we look away for a second.  It has also occurred to me that this becomes less of a suicide mission and more of an intent to do bodily harm mission when she makes me walk out into traffic to get her.  Call me crazy but I always thought “Toonces the Driving Cat” was more kamikaze than bad driver.  Either way, you shouldn't worry, I promise not to let her get hit by a car.  Back on topic though, I am officially half way through my stupid experiment!  Hallelujah.  May the next two weeks fly by and may I not end up sitting in the middle of my street staring back at my front window.  If that is my fate though, please, please let there be someone who will come out and get me!          



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