View From the Recliner’s Edge – GH
By the Daytime Diva, Belinda Ache
Since the beginning of this New Year, I have been watching General Hospital, trying to find a solid footing for commenting on it. At first, it seemed superfluous to comment with the “big stunt” on the horizon that was going to “change everything.” As the event began to unfold, it simply became harder and harder to try to fathom what in the hell I was going to say. As January slips into February and the catastrophe continues to uncoil, I have become less and less sure of what exactly I can say.
The complaints have been made so many times and by so many voices that they seem as tired as the damned stupid plotlines. I’m sick of running my mouth about what I want, what I hope for, what I long for, and then bitching like an old washerwoman when things don’t go my way. And make no mistake–things on General Hospital never go my way. I contort myself like a member of the Cirque du Soleil, trying to make some sense of the ridiculous shit served up to me on a silver platter and all it seems like I accomplish is to compromise my principles and get nothing in return.
The giant, life-saving stunt that was supposed to save this regime, save the show, save soaps (according to those blowing the smoke up our asses beforehand) has accomplished one thing; it cements General Hospital and soaps’ place as the laughingstock of the daytime entertainment industry. Let me tell you what I feel the set-destroying disaster is lacking that might otherwise elevate it from craptastic, sub-par entertainment to dynamic daytime storytelling. If this happens to end up on someone’s desk at ABC with a big, fat, red bow on it as a Valentine’s Day present, then so be it.
I go into every single stunt TPTB devise with my heart open to it, yearning for a good story, praying for great entertainment, LONGING to be able to yell my satisfaction to the rooftops and usually I am able to scrounge together some sort of satisfaction from the performances of the talented actors and actresses. The performances are good this time as well. Jason Thompson, Kimberly McCullough, Kirsten Storms and Bradford Anderson have all been doing as best they could with the material handed to them. It is a shame that their reputations may forever be tarnished by this trash!
But I digress. If this story were to be satisfying to me as a life time viewer and fan of General Hospital, then there are some things that SHOULD have been included so as not to insult my intelligence, challenge my ability to suspend belief for the story’s sake, and get/keep me interested in what happens after this.
First, why isn’t there a consultant on staff at ABC whom could orchestrate a realistic crisis response at General Hospital? Please don’t tell me that there is one because there is no way in hell anyone who knows anything about hospitals and their responses to emergencies has ever touched this project. From the moment Patrick Drake saw the X-rays and began his run for the operating room, it has been handled poorly.
Suspending disbelief, I could have ignored the fact that, for the sake of drama, they couldn’t stop the operation from beginning but it just gets worse from there! A deadly biotoxin fells the team in the operating room and yet no authorities storm the hospital in hazmat suits, taking over the site? Ri-damn-diculous. They use an airlock to decontaminate those who were exposed in the O.R., but after dragging them through the airlock, they exit into open-air hallways, toss the contaminated staff on gurneys and haul them off to contaminate everyone they come in contact with, not to mention the very air around them. The hospital staff, which comes in contact with them after the apparently useless airlock, doesn’t even have scrubs masks on much less protective clothing. Then they EXTEND the contamination site by moving the infected and possibly contagious staff to another section of the hospital, thereby infecting twice the area and twice the people. When they do send hazmat-attired personnel to evacuate the boardroom, the staff members that strips and washes those infected don’t even have masks on! Why weren’t they completely robed and masked? Double ri-damn-diculous!
Next, let us address the complete lack of community response to the situation. We should have seen Mac Scorpio in action, not at the PCPD headquarters but OUTSIDE the doors of the hospital with a complete team of first responders such as police, firemen and possibly even military. They should have been operating from an information hub such as a van or RV. With or without the Feeble Feds, there is no excuse for Jax being the only one outside those hospital doors.
Where are the media? They should also be set up outside General Hospital, with lights and cameras blazing, giving Mac hell and demanding to know why the Feds are there and not doing a dang thing. If they want us to believe that the Feds are containing the situation for their own nefarious reasons, then there should have been a swarm of black suits outside that location in nondescript U.S.-made sedans!
Perhaps if the whole scene were more realistic to us, we would be more caught up in the moment? The American viewing public has become very savvy as to what to expect in a televised emergency, be they real or scripted. To insult our intelligence with the lack of any of the things we have seen with our own eyes is a costly mistake. It cost me the ounce of believability it would take to become invested in the disaster. There needs to be THRONGS of uniformed police, firemen and military. There needs to be massive media coverage. There needs to be CROWDS of people milling about upset, confused and/or doing their jobs.
Inside the hospital, we need to see Bobbie Spencer manning the nurses’ desk, not just Epiphany. Where are Leo Julian and the extended staff? There was a major storm expected so even without the biotoxin, they would have called all able hands to the hospital. There is no excuse for there not being more doctors and nurses involved in the story. Even Ms. Sneed needs to be there! Never mind Robin sneaking INTO the mess or Lucky shirking his responsibilities to discuss ancient history with his twice-divorced ex-wife! These people would all be responding in accordance with an evacuation plan or a contamination contingency to isolate and contain infectious toxins. They would not be wheeling patients around willy-nilly and abandoning them in odd corners to wait for others to come and get them. Triple ri-damn-diculous!
Let’s talk about evacuating patients, shall we? They should be gathering all of them together in one location, not tucking them away in isolated corridors.
How in the Sam-hell are they going to count heads? There is clearly no one in charge! Some of the very best scenes are the isolated little tête-à-têtes between Monica, Edward, Tracy and Lulu and these would be spectacular if they were all together in one place. There isn’t any consistency to the whole mess.
Which brings us to the toxic jawbreakers, they are so lethal that the Feds are in hazmat suits yet Trevor waltzed in to the room, stole one and hid it in a pee cup and is walking around fit as a fiddle.
When did he become deranged? He “has options” does he? Is he channeling Anthony Za-crazy Zacchara? No warning, he is just all of a sudden crazy?
There are brief, shining moments in this sea of mediocrity that have been amazing but overall, this is exactly the kind of writing that has made daytime a joke in the industry. Kate is obsessed with the damn DVD and instead of taking one of the dozens of opportunities to spill her big, fat secret is just harping about it nonstop. Everyone is dumping on Ric, Carly is behaving very out of character as is Lucky; just about everyone is behaving out of character!
I understand that Luke’s scenes with that new kid with the horrible dental problem (what is wrong with his mouth?) are the way they are dealing with Anthony Geary’s absence this time. There can be no other excuse for him being isolated from the excitement at GH with his wife and both children involved! Awful, this story is just awful being introduced to us in this way at this time! I am appalled. The scenes are painful because they are so bad. Congratulations to TPTB for finally finding something that Tony can’t pull off.
Final thoughts–thanks for the chem test between Maxie and Johnny. Many online are all atwitter about the possibility of those two. I am not. I’ve never liked Johnny and I don’t like him now with Maxie. They leave me completely unaffected. I don’t care about Rebecca Shaw. It is not that I object to actresses returning in other roles either; they just dragged this bullshit out too long and I don’t care about it. In fact, this whole thing is lasting way too long with the GLARING lack of plot points that I have mentioned here. Maybe if they hadn’t missed the mark so widely with the curious lack of extras, contract players, and crowds of people who should be involved, these others plots, like Luke and whoever that kid is, would be welcome relief from the agonizing drama. Right now, it is just one giant mess.
I’d love to be singing the praises of a job well done but I just can’t fake my way through any enthusiasm for this storyline at this time. I’ll be back next week and will try to find something decent to say. Really, though, I don’t know what it could be besides pointing out individual strong performances as there have been many. Until then, I’ll see you around the net and you can continue to catch me at Daytime Confidential (dot com).
Peace!
Pictures are courtesy of Laurieluvsliason.
February 13th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
LOVE THE OPINIONS.. SO TRUE…
February 13th, 2009 at 11:13 pm
Oh, you’ve got it down perfectly! I keep watching, hoping something will happen to redeem the embarrassment of current GH. How many times do I roll my eyes each day during GH?
I’ve written this comment elsewhere on EOS-whenever I watch the CE on GH, it reminds me of I Love Lucy. I keep envisioning Ricky & Fred faking a fire, while Lucy is wrapped up in bandages in the bedroom.
Ricky: I’m going in there, no matter what you say! I’m going to save her. Let me go, let me go!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFLKj670k5Q
February 14th, 2009 at 3:14 am
Oh, I’m so glad it’s not just me! The writing for the entire “crisis” has been more toxic than the tainted gelcaps!
February 14th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
Thank you! for noticing the “Ethan’s Mouth Thing”
I can’t even put it into words even though I tried to in my last column.
February 14th, 2009 at 9:26 pm
I have been watching GH for 11 years, I haven’t always loved it, but the great cast keeps me tuned in. It’s sad that GH has fallen so horribly in terms of quality. I as well keep waiting for things to get better.
February 14th, 2009 at 11:05 pm
I completely agree with everything you had to say. This crisis is not good, I can’t beleive gh did this. This crisis has gone on long enough, and it boring. Nothing is keeping my interest. I’m a huge spixie fan and I couldn’t believe they had them separated these whole time. The Johnny and Maxie stuff was terrible. I will never like him, and I want him away from maxie like fast. I could go on about them, but I just will say that the power that be need to be fired for this.
February 14th, 2009 at 11:24 pm
So that’s why Luke isn’t at the hospital. Tony on vacation yet again? I was wondering what the heck was going on with Luke and Captain Jack Jr. I am enjoying seeing the whole cast on screen, as much as the writing is lacking. Like why didn’t the sprinklers come on??? Lawsuit in the making. I’m assuming the lack of extras and extended cast was a money issue. As much as I adore Spinelli and Maxie as a couple (well, almost couple), the idea of this girl in 4 inch heels trudging up the stairs in a burning building was just stupid!!!
February 15th, 2009 at 4:58 am
Are you sure Tony is on vacation? Usually that’s pretty well publicized on the internet and I’ve read nothing about it.
As for the media being there and crowds of people helping, wasn’t Raynor trying to keep it quiet because the Feds were somehow involved and trying to cover their butts?
I do agree with everything you say though…nothing makes any sense.
February 15th, 2009 at 5:38 am
I agree with almost everything you wrote. Johnny and Maxie are annoying me and the crisis is nonsensical. I figured Luke and Ethan were probably so Geary doesn’t have to deal with long hours. (insert eye roll)
February 15th, 2009 at 7:23 am
Hey, guys! Thanks for the comments! No, I’m not “sure” of anything but Tony Geary normally takes vacation from Christmas until Spring sweeps and all summer (I believe) and so I made the connection that having him in completely isolated vignettes with some stranger was their answer to trying to bridge the gaps that his absence makes in the show. It is my guess about it, not much else. It explains how everyone he has ever even pretended to love is in mortal danger and he is clueless and hanging with the Aussie Rabbit. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to disrespect the actor who is obviously trying very hard but whatever creative choice he is making with those lower face movements are so distracting I can’t think. It reminds me of NL when she first came on as Emily, she constantly touched her forehead and upper lip. I used to say in my columns (at the time) that she masturbated her forehead it was so distracting! Oh, or do you remember when TB was new as Carly? The hands on the hips chicken wing elbows stance? I hated to see her even flinch as if her hands were going to her hips!
I may not sound like it but I LOVE GH. I’ve been watching since 1966! This hospital crises is a very POOR rewrite of the virus storyline combined with the Metro-Court crisis. Neither of which was the epitome of great writing but both really struck a nerve and pulled me in; some thing this has not done yet.
February 15th, 2009 at 7:31 am
Oh, I meant to address this comment as well, about Agent Raynor trying to contain the emergency and that’s why the lack of first responders: your probably right that is the reason they would go this way but it makes ZERO sense! Our media has contacts inside every hospital that contact them at the first sign or anything news worthy. I mean President Obama couldn’t contain some thing of that sort from our intrepid media here! Seriously the fact that the feds are involved at all would have them in a feeding frenzy! I miss the days when there was a news presence on the show rather it be Tiffany Hill or Everyday Hero’s. I guess Everyday Hero’s wasn’t a good enough storyline for Sam to be involved in that she had to be risking her life by sexing up bad guys to trick them into trusting her. Whatever.
February 15th, 2009 at 8:24 am
I pretty much agree with everything except the fact that I love Johnny and Maxie. They were the only thing I found myself enjoying. I think they have great chemistry and even though I adore Spixie, I always wanted them as BFFs not romantic.
February 15th, 2009 at 8:38 am
LMAO at the Ethan mouth comment.
I have to disagree with the Johnny and Maxie comment. If it was a test (which it seemed so to me) I thought they passed with flying colors. They are the best part of this whole stupid crisis thing. I think I have found a root for couple.
February 15th, 2009 at 10:17 am
I agree with you on everything, this whole toxic balls story is just awful. And this whole Johnny and Maxie thing was like where the hell did that come from. In less then 24 hours were suppose to believe that johnny all of a sudden stops loving Lulu and now wants maxie. I hate Johnny and I always have get him away from my Maxie. Come on GH, do they think we are that stupid. And Ethan if he is not Luke’s son, then get him off my screen fast but do something with his look fast GH.
February 15th, 2009 at 10:35 am
I don’t think there is absolutely a thing that I have enjoyed about this crisis. Johnny and Maxie repulsed and annoyed me at the same time. They have no spark or chemistry and Johnny makes Maxie boring which I thought would never happen. They were the worst part of the crisis. Not to mention the fact that Spixie had to be separated in order to try to pump up Johnny/Maxie and Spinelli with Winnifred. The toxic ball mess is just that, mess. The hospital crisis is no where close to being realistic. I know its just tv, but still. Overall, two thumbs down.
February 15th, 2009 at 9:56 pm
I really enjoy hearing all the differing opinions. It is comforting to me to know that there are things people like. I mean I imagine the die hard CarSon fans are thrilled with the CarSon stuff; right?
Diane fans are like “WTF?” and Alexis fans are still trying to recover from our girl being idiot enough to fall for James “NOT Jerry Jax” Craig. I swear they have her making cow eyes at JAX? Now? PFFT
Kate? Please, Who is that woman, really because I don’t recognize her! Every one of us needs to call the comment line and tell them to keep Clair Coffee and pair her Nadine with Matt!
February 16th, 2009 at 6:20 am
I just found your site. Hooray! Everything you commented on was so ‘right on’, to what we have been saying all along. It taxes our intelligence. TPTB must think those who watch soaps are idiots. Everything about this storyline as well as the last few years’ storylines have been such a waste of time. I have been watching GH on and off since 1966. I keep thinking it’s going to get better, but It Is Not Going To Get Better Until Fronz and the Guza writing team are GONE. I heard the other day they hired a new writer. Surprise!! They said it is Guza’s wife. They need to hire the writers who did GH Night Shift 2nd season. Does anybody at ABC or Disney see your blog? I wish there was a way. I found one petition to rid Guza at GH and signed it happily. But that’s the only one I have found. It supposedly went to ABC and Disney. I’m sorry I’m rattling but I got so excited reading your views because they are out views, except for Maxie and Johnny. I would love to see Maxie and Spinelli become BFF like Carly and Jason. Thanks for letting me vent.
February 16th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
I agree,surely their must be some talented writers out there. Iam tired of the MOB, hey the Sopranos are gone.
How can a town the size of Port Charles has such a crime element, and no one ever get arrested and goes to jail for any length of time..and when they’re there it looks like tea time in the rockies.
General Hospital has very talented actors it must be hard having to work for the idiots that write this show.
February 16th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
Thanks again Belinda for a great commentary! you really now how to put what im thinking into intelligent and fun reading words!
GH during this CE has been soooo boring to me – im usually on the internet gabbing while its playing in the background thats how much it hold my attention – a few times i turned to rewind and watch – for instance when Olivia gave Kate a much needed verbal smack down – and when Luke is on screen but even then im missing so much because all i can do is stare at ethans mouth – like you said – WTH??? i cant hear a thing he says or see if he is a good actor because all i see is his mouth and all im thinking is – what the heck is up with it? LOL
(and his accent is grating on my last nerve!) JMHO
February 17th, 2009 at 2:32 am
Thanks everyone for the comments! Wow, that’s a nice reception! I have to catch up on Monday’s GH but IDK… GH is burning to the ground. It’s the real end of an era. (sniff)
February 21st, 2009 at 6:00 am
This whole storyline was ill thought out and not researched very well. I have to admit that I had a grand old time watching it because I laughed at all the ridicilous mistakes and plot holes. It became a game of “Spot the hole”. From the Hazmat procedural mistakes to the impossible way this fire was burning to the ridiculous way that Patrick was evacuating patients, this storyline was embarassing to watch. I had a bit of a surreal moment during the Hazmat sequences since one day, during this time, I was actually involved in a Hazmat incident at work. So while I was in a decontamination tent, all suited up and being sprayed by water by people also suited up, I almost started laughing when I thought about what was happening on GH.
Apparently, those toxic balls aren’t very toxic, anyway. (I thought they were going to make Monica so sick we’d all fear for the life of another Q). Matt, who got splattered, doesn’t sound as winded if he’d run the Boston Maraton. Or maybe the effects of the toxin mixed in with huge amounts of carbon monoxide (from all that smoke they should have inhaled) nullified the mortal effects. They should have stuffed poor Layla in a smoke house and she’d still be alive (cured you might say)
February 21st, 2009 at 9:21 am
I was inspired to write another GH column. Watch for it here in the days to come and thanks so much for reading and taking the time to comment. Hi, Pxl!