Eye on Soaps

What does the Daytime Diva have to say about AMC, GH & OLTL?…

All My Children 

David Hayward, I don’t know a thing about him! Perhaps that is a good thing? Maybe I can get in to him without the baggage, I don’t know. He is sure to be a bad sign for Tad & Krystal.  It sounds like to me the one time lovers may have some residual issues to resolve! Krystal & David, why not?  Adam’s got his hands full with Hot Granny Barbie!

Kendall-Zack-Greenlee-Aiden-Bianca-Reese: Damn Greenlee, cover the girls up if you don’t want Ryan slobbering on them, ewe. Oh man, I feel bad for Aidan, he is the lapdog in this story line and it isn’t pretty. “Let me save Emma” he begs the man his wife loves. Yeah, okay, whatever, schmuck! Aren’t Bianca and Reese simply the most beautiful poster children for lesbian lovers? Is it just me or did Erica look like she was struggling to accept the whole engagement concept?  Don’t tell me she had a problem with her child being gay! 

Taylor and Jake vs. Amanda & Jake: no contest. The experiment is over. Make it stop. I want Jake and Amanda back together! Taylor is not sympathetic.  I have nothing for her (I’m sorry). I love that she has issues in a veteran story line and I hope that this is the touch of gritty realism that can cause me to open up to her because I can’t like her right now. She is not the kind of woman I can relate to. 

Fusion, seriousl, Erica, what a maddening experience! She’s treating Amanda like a lackey (and apparently I really like Amanda). I really didn’t get it (Erica and Fusion) until Bianca remarked that Erica is keeping busy to avoid her feelings of despair concerning her daughter. Good thing for me they went with the “viewers are stupid” line of thought and spelled it out for me. I must not be the demo they are trying to interest with this “Sex and the City”/Fusion thing they want to work so badly because it is not sparking the lavish interest that a real woman-power, feel me roar kind of story should. I’m lack luster. Yes, that’s what it is. 

Erica & Adam- ah, okay I’ll bite. I’m in.

Amanda, girl you are all over the place in this post apocalyptic world of All My Children. You lost your best friend but look at the bright side, now you are sucking face with her still hot daddy. You broke up with your boyfriend because you could tell he was way too in to Combat Barbie than he should have been to be your “for real” boyfriend. Good for you.  This is the kind of woman-power, feel me roar kind of story that makes me proud to be a woman. Plus you get to suck face with Babe’s hot daddy David Hayward. Hey, what’s not to like? So, Erica is demeaning you on the job. So what? You win some and you lose some. 

One Life to Live 

What a crack addled roller coaster ride this show has been for the last few days. It’s like through the looking glass entirely. Jean appearing to Viki at the same time Niki is appearing to Tess and Viki’s mind makes the connection. This would have been enough without the sticks of dynamite! 

Tess giving birth at the same time Starr is and the stark difference of their experiences. Tess is alone in her vineyard cabin with a hallucination that came too late to save Nash’s baby. Nash Brennan’s poor, poor baby! Oh this breaks my heart, really. Tessica and her crazy machinations cost Jessica this baby and it is so sad. Then there is Starr giving the best representation of labor I think I have ever seen on daytime. Crying to go home now, convinced she could not finish, sobbing and screaming.  It was so realistic that it caused the hair on the back of my neck to stand up on end. 

I do not know how I could have missed the set up for this re-writing of Karen swapping Jenny’s baby. Of course it is the perfect tribute to One Life to Live history that they have told this story from the point of view we missed the last time around. The last time beautiful, young and innocent Jenny gave birth to a still born baby and her sister took advantage of the situation to switch her for a live one. This time the sweet young girl’s baby is going to be switched. I have to say, no, I didn’t see it coming. I am truly and completely riveted from the blackmailed nurse and doctor and their conspirators and guilty looks to Niki holding the baby that will not cry. Bravo. 

Oh my eyes. I think they may never be the same. The retinas have been permanently damaged by watching Todd and Marty “make love.” I admit it. I watched. It was like that train crash that you simply can not stop yourself from looking at as you pass by. Todd was so remarkably believable, so damaged and hesitant, so hot and handsome in that “I’m a twisted freak” sort of way he made Marty seduce him while he had flashes of memory of his vicious and violent violation of her. 

He was so vulnerable, so gentle and yet the words that would have made me believe that he has fallen in love with her and that this is not some sick kind of psychological re-rape did not fall from his trembling lips. “You are in love with John McBain and he did nothing wrong except become a friend to my ex-wife, except oppose me and for that I have made him pay. I have taken you from him. I have manipulated you to fall in love with me. I have fragged your mind until you are seducing me, convincing me that it is all right for us to have consensual sex, even though I’ve lied about your past every step of the way. I was one of the men who raped you.  I was the ring leader of the gang of rapists who victimized you and you have a teenaged son who is the father of the child you have been planning to adopt with me.” Other than that it was one of the best hot sex scenes in a really long time. I may have thrown up a little bit in my mouth but I didn’t turn it off, so thank you, Ron Carlivati and writers for making me feel like a sleazy, kinky pervert. 

It was surreal and slightly sick to have the bitch, David Vickers, giving birth to the squirmy little puppies interspersed with the more dramatic montage. I mean there is mentally ill Tessica bearing Nash’s dead child in the barren shadow of their dream life and Starr pushing out Cole’s baby with her baby-nappers doing double duty as the delivery room team and the baby’s grandfather doing the psychic mind f*ck with the little person’s presumed dead grandmother… and then there are Tina and Cain Rogan exchanging goggle eyed looks while the dog breeds. It was awkward and out of place and strangely, I liked it. 

General Hospital 

Why? 

Why would Jax, who has shown no single moment of weakness in his staunch refusal to consider reuniting with turbo-snatch Carly-Ho suddenly and without warning show up with the misty eyed, romantic “let’s kiss and have make up sex” come on.  NOW? Why would Carly have been on the docks and then been able to mount her super heroine under water breathing and miraculous rescue of Underdog, err, I mean Sonny without Karpov’s men stopping her? Why would she bring him to her home, to her bed, when she forced him to sign away his rights to his own son who is (presumably) asleep right down the hall in order to protect the kid from his father’s enema’s (oh sorry, that’s how I think of Sonny’s enemies because they are such a pain in the butt)? Why would she be remembering their EW-sex in the limo, showing him her lacy no-no things while prancing around wet in a towel and why-sweet lord of all that is holy-why are we going through this AGAIN?  I’m dying here. 

Carly could have called Max. She could have stashed him at Kate’s and Mike could care for him. She could have given him the penthouse at the Metro Court and hired Epiphany and Brenda-Bot Leyla to nurse his libido back to health. But no she has to try to give the little mobster mouth to mouth, so to speak. Why?????? 

Scrubbies are so cute. Robin suffered the same non-clotting thing that Sam did, huh Jason?  Whew. Good thing you could offer that support by telling Patrick that. I actually felt for Jason when he thought little Scorpio-Drake might not make it. Oh wow, did anyone miss Jason and Sam playing unmasked crusaders together? If so man this looks like your story coming up. How is it that lucky always loses whatever it is that he and Jason both covet? It seems like to me Lucky is the new AJ. Jason wins, you lose; second verse, same as the first. Guess the Scrubs fans can just be glad that Saint Jasus hasn’t cast his covetous eye on his ex-love Robin. You know, the woman he cut loose for telling the truth back when that was the only thing that was important to him! Their break up never made sense to me.  It was always Carly winning out over Robin as far as I was concerned. I love all the family scenes with Anna and Mac and Maxie at the hospital.  I love Matt and Spinelli being involved,  but I have to come right out and say it. Noah and Robert should have been here too. That’s all.  I’m telling it like it is. 

Oh my. For the record; how stupid! Nik is being deported. He wasn’t deported for murder when he spent prison time but he has never been a citizen? It is simply too ignorant for words. Lulu is still unlikable, Lucky is still so hot it’s ridiculous and this conga line running after Tracy running after Luke running after Laura… yawn. Really. I haven’t recently awakened from a catatonic state, but I would not sit idly chatting with my ex while he drove like a maniac on an unfamiliar back road while my other ex drove like a more demented idiot trying to get us all killed. What was that? That has to be the worse scene I have seen in so long I can’t remember when. Was she supposed to be reasoning with Scott rationally while in a speeding car, hurtling around turns on a mountainous stretch of highway? Huh? Where was the screaming? Where were the tears? Where was the demand that he STOP THE CAR? 

Oh look. is it supposed to be closure for Luke and Laura AFTER ALL THESE YEARS? God, I hope so. As much as I loved them and as much as I loved the show THEN, they are over. O to the V to the ER. I’m all for Laura returning to town healed from her brain damage when she can be written for with some dignity and realism; some respect. Let these characters grow. 

Let it go, now, please. 

I hate how they have focused in on these things and not shown us Kate and Olivia, Alexis and Diane, Max and Milo, Max and Diane. I mean what has the fallout from the big Father fake out been? The show was really good as far as what we saw (although I didn’t like much of what I saw that was content, not context). They always seem to leave me wanting SO MUCH MORE. I want to see how the staff in the nurses lounge is feeling about the Scrubbies dilemma, where is Lainey? Shouldn’t she stop in and check on the family? I want to hear the conversation between Monica and Edward when he hung up the phone from Laura’s call. Since we aren’t going to get that I will add my rendition of how it could have went and then I’ll get out of here for now and see you next week.

Edward hangs up the phone from talking to Laura, and Monica places her delicate, priceless heirloom cup back on its saucer with a melodious clatter, “Who was that on the phone, Edward?”  She asks as she ruffles her hair back from her face with long, steady fingers. Gone were the alcohol shakes, the DT’s. The sickening feeling of loss was still with her, but it had mellowed to a dull ache.

Edward folds his paper and places it on the edge of the sterling silver tray where the remains of his breakfast cools, barely having been touched. “Laura Spencer.” He replies.

“What?” Monica laughs and the sound, so unexpected and so long unheard rasps out of her throat causing her hands to fly up and cover her mouth. “I thought…”

“That she was in a persistent vegetative state that was irreversible?” Edward finished for his daughter-in-law. “So did I. So when she called to ask if Luke was married to Tracy, I didn’t have the heart to lie to her.”

“Laura doesn’t need any one else to tell her lies, not when she has Luke to do it.” Monica agrees. She stretches and sighs “I think I’ll take a road trip out to Shady Brook and see what’s going on out there. They don’t need me much anymore at General Hospital and I could use something to keep me busy.”

“Good idea,” Edward tells her. “We could both use a new project come to think of it. I think I’m going to have a video conference with Ned and see what’s happening with ELQ. With Jax in a vulnerable state after having been Carly’s latest victim, this could be the time to buy the Metro Court out from under him and pay him back for what he did to Skye.”

Monica wrinkles her nose up and mutters, “That bitch.” Then stoops and plants a kiss on the top of the hat on Edward’s head. “You do that you old coot. It’s about time we both get back into the swing of things around here.”

Edward scoffs and waves her away, “Go on, Barracuda. I’m sure there is an intern you could seduce!”

The Beginning…

November 10th, 2008 | Tags: The Commentary | Category: General Hospital | Subscribe to comments | Leave a comment | Trackback URL