March 28, 2006

Well it’s over.  My time of ranting...my time to vent my emotions to all of you…done.  My time to say what I think about my kids and my daughters’ biological mother…kaput.  My time to express my insecurities and fears about myself, my life, my marriage…over. It was a good run.  I enjoyed and appreciated every moment of it, but now it’s over.  

My daughter just asked me, “Do you really think you don’t tell us you love us enough?”

How’d she know that? Ah ha! The light above my head went on.  It’s still glowing.  She did get a laptop for Christmas this year…“Did you read my column?” 

“Yep.  At first I couldn’t find all of them but then I saw the “More from Carolyn” and I clicked on that.” 

“Great.” 

“I read ‘The Ipod Incident’.” 

“What did you think of it?” 

“I didn’t like it. It was all about us.  It had me in it.” 

“Yes, but no one knows who you are.  You should go to the site and read Katrina’s journal.  There’s all kinds of personal stuff in there.” (My attempts to deflect).  I told her she’s not allowed to Google her parents.  A little too late for that, don’t you think? 

So here I sit, just minutes after that conversation, at my laptop tying this column, in distress.  I think I may have to change my name on my columns and take off the picture. That way she won’t know it’s me.  Hopefully everyone else will by my writing style.  No, that won’t work.  How many people have the unique family situation we do? A biological mother who I don’t necessarily care for; a grandmother living with us; a Bi Polar child; a child on growth hormones…she’d catch that in a second.  Then again, she might not read that stuff if she doesn’t think it’s me, so it might be an option.  

Or maybe I should just stick to writing about the soaps?  Whatever.  I just know I have used all of you terribly in the past few years (minus a bit of a break last year due to my stupidity but I won’t go into that!) and completely enjoyed every second of it!  Your eyes have been my validation.  My stress relief.  My support mechanism.  My pat on the back.  My kick in the ass.  My motivation!  Oh, I’m getting emotional here! Why’d she have to discover me during my week of PMS?!!   

Okay. I’m breathing again.  I’ve got to think this through.  Devise a plan.  If you suddenly see a new staff writer who sounds an awfully lot like me, keep reading. (I hope she’s not reading this column now!) Okay. I’ll  tell you what…if I do write my off topic’s as someone else, I will write using the name of a character who’s been  killed off of one of the soaps in the past.  That way you’ll know it’s me!  

I need to find a new stress reliever.  I’m going to go now and dig out my Yoga for Stress Relief book.  

See ya!