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July 9, 2006 Greetings everyone! I’m easing back into this after two months, so bear with me. I hope you don’t mind if this week’s column consists primarily of random and incoherent comments. Okay…more random and more incoherent than usual. I know that Greg Madden was already dead this week, but I have to give major props to Ian Buchanan for his performance of a basket case in a box. Every time he writhed in agony, I writhed in discomfort. It was hideous. It was awful. It was very well done. The Tad and Dixie scenes at the beginning of the week were hard to watch. Tad was behaving like someone in my life has been behaving recently, and the realness of the scene made me want to throw something at the TV. Dixie seems to be finally cracking under the pressure. I like how that is coming out in stages. She is more and more desperate, and she has Tad slamming her every chance he gets and David just wants to get in her pants and Zach is very nice and helpful but his pants are off limits. JR’s birthday gift is a little stuffed Lumiere. You know, Beauty and the Beast would have been a very short movie if Lumiere had arranged for a bunch of cinder blocks to fall on Belle’s head when she entered the castle. Frickin trespassers. Jamie must have eaten his box of Anakin Skywalker commemorative Wheaties. He’s really feeling his dark side. He’s kinda adorable when he frowns menacingly. The episode where Greg’s body was discovered was well-directed. I’m such a sucker for slow motion montages with the haunting music. John Woo me baby! I felt really bad for Josh. What a really awful way to find out that your father is dead, and that he died in a really awful way. I find myself…well, if not necessarily liking Josh, not loathing him like I did before. He’s been acting like a jerk, but not a nasty jerk like a few months ago with Julia. Maybe it has something to do with Jeff Martin’s appearance. Kind of like when Amanda seemed to become less annoying when Janet Dillon appeared. Anyway, whatever the reason, I’m glad he is not as annoying now because the storyline with him in it is heating up and I won’t have to chug as many antacids. Who put Greg in the box? Well, there aren’t any butlers on All My Children at the present, so we’ll have to look elsewhere for the culprit. Although, I could make a case for Winnie… The problem with the setup is that the person would have had to be brilliant and diabolical enough to have planned and executed the burial of Madden. This same person would have to have also been so inattentive as to let Madden die in there. Obviously the person couldn’t have predicted an earthquake, but the box was filling up with water. Madden might have drowned if the tremor hadn’t sped things up. Meh, I’m not going to make any predictions. I’ll just watch it unfold. I am already very annoyed with Colby. It’s going to be a long summer. Although I did laugh when she said “I’m off like a prom dress.” I was laughing and enjoying Kendall’s mockery of all the duckies in her condo, until she held up a stuffed duck that coincidentally is in my daughter’s collection. Hey! That duckie happens to be very cute! I was a bit surprised by Ryan’s gentle attempts to clue Dixie in to the fact that her constantly going to Zach isn’t appreciated by Kendall. Of course, her eyes were completely glazed over by this point. Understandable. He was offering himself up as a substitute for Zach, and well… I dearly love Adam when he is in exaggeration mode. He is so sincere in his outrage that one almost wants to be outraged with him. Till you take a step back and realize that he thinks a teenager not having a cell phone is being “raised like a savage!” Over at OLTL, Kelly finding out she is pregnant with Duke’s baby is so deliciously soapy. And sad. She has been so desperate to have a child, and now she is going to have one. The emotional fallout of the circumstances of his conception is so severe, under normal circumstances she might have wanted to terminate. But how could she bring herself to terminate a pregnancy when she has gone to hell and back in order to become pregnant? Really, really sad. Meanwhile, I am finding it hard to muster a shred of sympathy for Kevin and his anger at Duke and Kelly. This is, after all, the man who had a very intense itch to boink Blair, and he didn’t stop until he scratched it. So you could say that Duke was just a chip off the old block. I find myself rooting for a couple that probably won’t ever happen, but I can’t help myself. A girl can dream, can’t she? Todd and Evangeline. There was one time I was able to tune into OLTL, and Evangeline was hiding Todd in her apartment. The chemistry between them blew me away. I also got to see clips of them before he was executed. These two really have a very intense relationship - very odd and very fascinating. Alas, Todd and Blair are like Sonny and Carly on GH or Tad and Dixie on AMC. They can be broken up, but apparently not long-term. The writing is on the wall, especially with Blair “sacrificing” herself to get the goods on Spencer. For me, it’s too little too late. Todd and Blair are more than done. I miss Bo and Gabrielle. I really miss them when I am FF through Bo and Paige. I suppose it doesn’t help that Paige was the name of this girl in high school that I really disliked. “You know, Paige…like in a book?” Bo and Gabrielle puts me in mind of Robert and Anna, and how just because an actor has hit a certain age doesn’t mean that he or she can’t be dead sexy. Bo and Gabrielle were hot. Robert and Anna are hot. And not just with each other – any scene they are in, any other character they are with, they really bring it. My jaw was gaping open at the way Anna was handling Lorenzo. Not that he wasn’t on to her, but it was just mesmerizing. Robert’s a pretty cool cucumber, too. A lot of the time he goes around acting like a nosy, lecherous has-been. And just when people are lulled into not taking him seriously, he does something that makes you go “Whoa, wait a minute, where did that come from?” For instance, when he talked to Skye about what Anna was up to, it initially looked like he was trying to get some information from Skye so that he would have the upper hand. In actuality, I don’t think he ever expected to get any info out of her. I think he did it so that Skye would break up with Lorenzo for good, leaving him emotionally vulnerable (well, as emotionally vulnerable as an arms dealer can be) and ripe for Anna to pick. These people bring slick to a new level, and it is such a pleasure to watch them at work. Unfortunately it makes the rest of the dreck surrounding it that much more painful to behold. I stopped watching GH over a year ago because I spent most of each episode being angry at what I was seeing, and since my available time to watch the show was shrinking, I just decided to stop watching it. Now that I have time to watch it again, and the Scorpios are back on the show, I have decided to give it another shot. Guess what? This past week I have spent most of each episode being angry at what I was seeing. The only time I was not angry were the occasions when Robert and/or Anna were on the screen interacting with whomever. I honestly wish I could say that I enjoyed the scenes with Alexis and/or Ric, two characters that I used to love played by two incredibly talented actors, but alas…more anger. I will enjoy watching Anna and Lorenzo spark together, but I hope that is all that it is. Hasn’t she been burned enough by falling in love with men who get in trouble with the law that she works so hard to uphold? Dillon has now officially deflowered three virgins. I suppose at his age, having virgins for bed partners isn’t too much of a stretch. I certainly hope he isn’t still doing that five years from now. Maxie, my not-so-adorable little Lolita, if the Chief of Staff asks for a minute of your time, you don’t mumble “I’m busy” and try to walk away. Well, I’m glad to be back, everyone. Thanks for reading. Cheers! Thanks for reading. Cheers!
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