November 6, 2005

Kendall, Kendall, Kendall.  When you walk into your husband’s office and he twinkles at you and stares at your breasts, the last thing you should do is banish him to Haiti.  But this is Kendall we’re talking about.  She’s in love, so it is time to go into self-destruct mode and decimate both herself and the unsuspecting object of her affection.  She did a stellar job, too.  Not often you see a guy flip a chair over his head.  Also, what a tragic waste of a swept off desk. 

Kendall thought that Zach was on Julia like velcro.  Kendall was definitely wearing the green goggles, because that kiss did not look mutual in any way, shape, or form.  Or else she thinks he really kisses like a corpse, in which case she needs to be set straight, pronto! 

I loved Kendall making her assessment of Greenlee.  “It's just typical Greenlee. It's impulsive, it's pigheaded, and it's wrong.”  Oh, so that was Greenlee in Zach’s office macking on JR and threatening divorce.  I guess I need to get my glasses updated. 

When Kendall walked in on Zach making his final argument to Greenlee in favor of telling Ryan about the baby, her reaction was much different than it had been when she walked in on Zach and Ryan at the hospital.  Is she softening, perhaps?  Or maybe it was just because it supported her agenda.  Zach’s speech, as wonderful, heartfelt, and dead-on as it was, didn’t support Greenlee’s agenda, so she quickly dismissed Zach as incapable of feeling pain.  Some day she is going to become so self-absorbed that Pine Valley will have its very own black hole. 

“If I took you to bed, if I whispered the right words to you and made love to you all night, you think that would change things? You think that would make you feel alive, and you would wake up to the life that you really want?”  Let me think about that.  Change things?  No.  Make me feel alive? Yes.  Wake up to the life I really want?  No.  Make me feel alive?  Yes.  I think we have a winnah! 

Ethan is a total waste of a tall, good-looking British fellow.  Honestly, he goes to Zach to have a talk, and doesn’t give anything to the conversation at all – just a bunch of inane statements.  It’s really quite hilarious.  Zach says, “I hurt people. I'm dangerous to others, even people I care about. I try to help them and I let them down.”  Ethan’s response? “That must be rough.”  When he’s not being monosyllabic, he’s standing around sucking the life out of the room.  Zach tries to make an effort to reach out, but is just too emotionally drained from Kendall.  So Ethan skips back over to Simone and announces that he has cut his father loose.   

This week we got to see a prolonged Rulia scene.  It wasn’t half bad.  I give props to Julia for actually taking a bite of beer-laced fruit loops.  I liked her impassioned speech – it didn’t have me breaking out the pity violins.  I also liked Ryan’s deer in the headlights look as she was giving it. 

Looking back, I have to laugh at my original assumption about how the fire started.  That’s what I get for reading spoilers.  I knew the fire was going to happen, so when Ryan showed off his tool (the laser level) to Julia, I thought for sure that was how the fire would start.  I started channelling Dr. Evil and ranting about the “frickin laser beam.”  Turns out it was a space heater.  I nearly got flattened under the giant anvil that reminded me that Jonathan started a fire at Wildwind with a space heater.  Oooooh.  So, obviously it isn’t him.  Unless they are going to do the double switcheroo and make the most obvious person the culprit.  Umm…I just can’t figure out who would want to kill Kendall and Greenlee (besides me). 

Once again JR looks like a complete idiot as he tries to come on to Kendall.  It is really not hot when a guy begs for it.  When he said that it will do them both a lot of good, it was clear that he has a lot of sexual frustration over Babe.    

By the same token, Josh is completely annoying around Babe.  He turns into this aw shucks character, and he is so thoroughly hung up on her.  Poor, poor Josh - what a sucker.  I kinda hope Babe does something mean to him soon so that he’ll hate her and we can get on with our lives. 

I was really disappointed that Babe and Amanda got the better catfight.  The one with Julia and Kendall fizzled out pretty quickly.  I get that both Amanda and Babe are supposed to be bad ass women, but in what universe is it a good idea to pick up blunt force instruments in the middle of an argument?  I suppose we should take note that Amanda apparently turns into Marty McFly when she hears any variation of “insane.” 

Drunk JR is a barrel of laughs.  He was totally enjoying the catfight for awhile there.  Then later he taunted Babe about their son (the evil grin as she was hugging him was awesome), and then took her on a joyride.  He’s such a crazy kid.  Seriously though, he is acting like such an asshole, and then every so often he would slip in something pointing towards his true state of mind.  “Mothers -- mothers are so overrated.  I had a fabulous mother.  She aced all the mother things.  And you know what happened?  Even after all that love, I still couldn't tell the difference between the real thing and the mother of all fakes.”  It makes you want to slap him around until he snaps out of it, then give him a big ole hug. 

There was a major flaw in JR’s rant to Babe about her not having enough money to bribe a judge.  Um, he seems to be forgetting that her mama is married to his father, and shares the pot and the influential Chandler name with him now.  Babe is on equal footing with JR.  I guess the writers didn’t feel like addressing that sticking point. 

Well, I revoke the nice things I’ve said in a previous column about Aidan and his behavior towards Amanda.  He never particularly liked her, but he was less piggish towards her than, say, Jamie or JR.  Fast forward to this week when he talks about Amanda with Jamie, and even wants to know details.  Did we really need that scene? 

If that wasn’t nauseating enough, we got to see Di attempt to have hate sex with Tad.  Oh, I know it wasn’t supposed to be hate sex (she wanted him to make love to her), but the setup was there for hate sex.  The whole thing was just nasty on so many levels.  Yet, if it had been other character, say JR and Babe, it would have worked much better.  These two can really bring out the skank. 

I was disappointed to see Di reading want ads.  I want her to accept Zach’s job offer.  She would KILL as a hostess in his casino.  She’d completely slay all the high rollers and would just rake in the cash.  Sigh. 

I don’t think David and Di have chemistry, but it is fun to watch David fake sincerity.  Sometimes I don’t even know if it is real or not.  At one point, David was trying to draw Di in by saying he sees Dixie in her.  I would think she’d want to concentrate on people seeing her for herself.  The town once loved her because they thought she was Dixie.  Now they hate her because she is not.  I did like Di’s line about them starting a club called Pariah’s Anonymous. 

There was only one good thing about the Jamie and Amanda scenes this week.  Puppy dog!  That is all. 

Fluffy observation of the week: I had no idea that the Pine Cone units had multiple rooms.  When Erin closed the door to Jonathan’s room, I was flabbergasted.  A dive motel that has suites.  Wonders never cease.

Thanks for reading.  Cheers!